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You’re tired of always having to do all the work alone. You not only clean up your own mess, but also that of your friend. Even after he has had a boys-only night, you are the one who makes the house spick and span again. He is so lazy that you have to do almost all household chores by yourself. This sometimes even makes you feel like you are just a maid for him – not an equal partner. And that makes you not feel happy in your relationship.
When you deal with a friend who is lazy, everything falls on you. From tidying up and vacuuming to doing the laundry and cooking: he leaves everything to you. If you did nothing, or only your own portion, the days would pass and the house would become dirtier and messier. There is a disturbing imbalance in the relationship and you are actually done with that at some point. That’s why you wonder: how do you deal with a friend who is lazy?
Why is he lazy?
Men are sometimes lazy. Just like women sometimes are. But some men are not lazy sometimes, but almost always. How does that happen? Because some people just have more energy than others. Whether it’s a man or a woman doesn’t even matter. Everyone is different and one man can therefore be lazier than another. How lazy a man is therefore mainly has to do with the character of the man. But relationship dynamics also play a role.
Did you give yourself a serving role from the start and did everything for him? Then it is not surprising that he hardly does anything around the house. Some patterns slowly creep into a relationship and so a man can become ‘lazy’ while he actually isn’t. Some men are just lazy because they can.
In other cases, men expect women to perform certain tasks because that is how they should be done. In other words: there is no one reason why men can be lazy. From a lack of motivation to being overloaded with work: there are countless reasons.
If the man in your life is lazy, try to understand what might be causing the laziness. Maybe he has a medical condition that’s causing the fatigue or maybe he just has trouble focusing and completing things. To solve the problem, it can help to have an open conversation with him.
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11 tips for dealing with a lazy man
It can be difficult to deal with a lazy partner. It feels unfair. While you give everything you can give, you get nothing in return. This can lead to tension in the relationship and even bigger problems if nothing changes. But it doesn’t have to come to that. These are eleven tips on how to deal with a lazy partner.
1. Set boundaries
To start with, it is important that you set clear boundaries. Boundaries that you expect to be respected. If he does something that is not acceptable, you need to be clear about this. You should also be clear about what you expect from him and emphasize that his lazy behavior will not be accepted.
2. Make clear agreements
Make a division of tasks with him and stick to it. This ensures that there is no confusion about who is responsible for which tasks. You can therefore be sure that everything will be done on time. This clarity can help reduce the drama , because once it’s on paper he can’t avoid it.
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3. Share your feelings
Do you feel frustrated about the household chores that aren’t getting done? Talk to your partner about how you feel and what it means to you. Listen to his perspective and try to understand why he is not taking on the tasks. There’s no point in accusing him. Focus on change: how you can work together to find a solution.
4. Ask for help
If you know he’s lazy and doesn’t do anything on his own, you might think he doesn’t want to help. But maybe he wants that. Have you ever asked him for help? Most men respond better to requests for help rather than coercive requests. This can also make him feel needed.
5. Set joint goals
Also set joint goals regarding your relationship or household and make agreements about how you want to achieve these goals. Always a clean and livable home? Make arrangements that can range from everyday tasks, such as cleaning up the kitchen after dinner, to larger projects, such as renovating the attic.
6. Take him by the hand
Perhaps he is not really lazy, but unsure or ignorant of how to get the tasks done. So take him by the hand and give him the opportunity to learn. The excuse of ‘he doesn’t know how to do it’ no longer applies. Helping him learn it can also make him feel more involved in household chores and less criticized .
7. Reward him
If he does something well, encourage him with positive words. Do n’t just whine when he does something wrong. Rewarding good behavior works better than punishing bad behavior. A simple ‘Wow, you do that so much better than me’ works wonders. Such phrases can help create a positive environment where he is more motivated to do things.
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8. Get enough rest
If your partner is tired, he will be less likely to be productive. Give him the time and space to recover from a busy day or week and don’t immediately come with tasks and expectations. The best way to reinforce his laziness is to ask him to complete a task immediately after returning home.
9. Let it go
Some things just don’t go the way we want them to go. You only have control over yourself, not anyone else. Therefore, try to let go of other people’s expectations, because if you don’t you will only be disappointed.
10. Try to show understanding
Try to understand why your partner is lazy. Maybe he doesn’t feel good enough? Does he feel like he’s doing everything wrong? Or maybe he is limited by other factors in his life that have nothing to do with the relationship? Try to gain insight into what lies behind his behavior.
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11. Try to find a solution
Ultimately, in many cases, laziness is a problem that can be solved. Try to look for options together that you can both live with. This can help reduce tension and stress in the relationship. As long as you are both willing to work on it, nothing is lost.
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