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For some women, the search for a decent man is like looking for an elusive needle in a romantic haystack. It is the reason why some women stay single for a long time and other women invest a lot of time and energy in dating apps and other ways to find a long-term relationship.
Just when they think they have finally found a real man who will treat them the way they want to be treated, it turns out to be the wrong man after all.
Bad boys, players and bad men give an abundance of hope and expectations in the beginning of the relationship, but in the long term it is only an illusion. It is disappointing and disillusioning to be surprised again and again by the true nature of the wrong man.
Whether you are new to dating or still dating, if you have doubts about your husband or boyfriend, you have a good reason to investigate. The more aware you are of the behavior of bad men, the better equipped you will be to protect yourself from bad men.
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Recognizing the wrong man: 13 signals
Wrong men are manipulative, toxic, and make you feel like you’re not supposed to have. If you think you have fallen for the wrong man, these are the signs and characteristics you should look out for. These are the signs that you as a woman should look for before things get too serious.
1. He likes to play the victim
Victims are sacred. They make you feel guilty, the martyr who caused it. Manipulative men like to play the victim card to make you emotionally dependent. He makes you do things to prevent him from being the victim again and you gladly comply because you don’t want to be the guilty one again. 1 This manipulation tactic makes you feel guilty so that the guilt is a stimulus to make you think or behave differently.
“Why didn’t you ask me for advice? That you wouldn’t grant me that role.”
2. He accuses you
A wrong man can accuse you of something you don’t do or are at all. For example, he may attribute negative characteristics and qualities of himself to you, when in reality this is not the case. This is also called projection, a psychological defense mechanism to avoid having to face one’s own shortcomings. 2
“You cannot be trusted.”
2. He literally drives you crazy
Some men try to drive you crazy in a way that you end up not believing yourself anymore. Derived from a play from the 1930s, this has been given its own name; gaslighting . It is a form of emotional abuse that makes you question your own feelings, instincts and sanity, giving him power and control. If he says and does things that cause confusion and make you doubt yourself, he is playing this psychological game with you.
“What do you mean, I never said that!”
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4. He doesn’t see anything from your perspective
The wrong man can be recognized by the simple characteristic that he thinks mainly of himself and not of anyone else. This stems from the fact that he sees everything from his own perspective and does not understand the other perspective.
He doesn’t see anything from your perspective and doesn’t understand how his actions affect your feelings.
“I’m only an hour late, who cares.”
5. He lies, a lot
It’s hard to trust a man if you catch him in lies over and over again. It’s even worse when he gets caught in a lie and tries to cover it up with another lie. If you feel like you are dealing with a pathological liar, that is often true.
“I didn’t withdraw that money. Maybe you gave your debit card to your mother, but it wasn’t me.”
6. He is not good for you, according to others
Everyone around you seems to notice him, except you. While you don’t notice anything strange about him, the people around you question his values, morals, but especially his sincerity. What you have to remember is that the others are not bewitched by his charms and are not wearing rose-colored glasses.
“Don’t you realize how he’s playing with you?”
7. He doesn’t let you express your feelings
Normal couples in a happy relationship communicate with each other to solve problems, manipulative men avoid these conversations. Whatever the reason, they do everything they can to avoid talking about it so you can’t express your feelings.
Every attempt you make is met with dishonest arguments or the silent treatment. If you try you will be ignored, rejected or burned down.
“I don’t feel like talking about it right now.”
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8. He expects the impossible
Some men expect you to be able to look into a crystal ball. Even though he hasn’t said anything to you, he expects you to do or not do something. 3 He gets angry when you did something you didn’t know he didn’t like. Or he starts a fight because you didn’t do something, while he expected you to.
“Are you out with your girlfriends? You don’t take me into consideration at all.”
9. He enjoys conflict
A relationship with a manipulative man is not easy. You’re constantly stressed about how the relationship is going and overanalyze any disagreements you’ve had. Whatever you do, conflicts are the order of the day. This man lives on the adrenaline rush that conflict brings. He whines, complains and, if necessary, comes up with a new argument to attack you.
“Why did you smile at that person behind the counter? You don’t do that.”
10. He is morbidly jealous
A characteristic of the toxic character of the man is a pathological form of jealousy in relationships , also known as the green monster that takes over the brain. He forbids you to do things that you like to do, constantly states that you are doing something ‘wrong’ in his eyes and makes your world smaller and smaller. In the end it only leads to pain and sorrow.
“Why does your colleague respond so often to your Facebook posts? Do you have something to tell me?”
11. He has a strange social life
The social life that someone has says a lot about what the person is like. A manipulative man can be recognized by the lack of this social life. Ties with parents are broken, friends are only vague acquaintances and no one comes to visit his home. If this is his social life then it is probably not the others but him.
“Nobody comes to visit him.”
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12. He has narcissistic traits
Men with narcissistic traits may initially appear charming and confident, but as the relationship progresses their true nature will come out. As you get to know them better, their egocentricity will become a problem for the relationship.
He wants preferential treatment, feels better than others, cannot empathize with you and has a need for power and admiration. In practice, it can be extremely difficult to maintain a relationship with a narcissist.
“Why is he telling me that? He’s just an administrative assistant.”
13. He’s a hypocrite
Everything he expects from you does not apply to him. You have to do what he says but not what he does, otherwise the turnips are done. You can recognize a wrong man by the double standard that emerges in all kinds of situations.
“I don’t understand how you can disappoint me like this! What I did didn’t mean much.”
You can’t help who you are attracted to but you can help yourself avoid the wrong and manipulative men. It’s never too late to let go of a man who is not worthy of your attention. If you recognize the signs and characteristics then it is very possible that your heart has been captured by a wrong and manipulative man.
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