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Many couples who decide to go to relationship therapy only do so after years of problems. Relationship therapy is therefore often seen as a last resort. In practice, it can be seen that relationship therapy can help a lot, but that it is often started too late. People often do not know exactly what relationship therapy is, which is why they do not know whether they should opt for it.
We tell you what a relationship therapist does, what the process looks like, what problems you can contact a relationship therapist for and why it is better not to wait too long. Are you interested in relationship therapy? Then read on.
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What is relationship therapy?
The goal of relationship therapy is different for each couple. Often the goal is to stimulate mutual understanding and discover what is possible. Sometimes this ensures that the relationship is revived or a loving break is the best outcome. There are a number of big questions that can be answered in relationship therapy.
What do you expect from each other? Do you want to meet each other in these expectations? What are the reasons that it is not working now? What steps should be taken to create a healthy relationship? Good communication is often the part that needs to be worked on the most.
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When do you choose relationship therapy?
There are various problems that you can address to a relationship therapist . People often think that this is only an option if everything else has already been tried, but it is often wiser to sound the alarm earlier. After all, prevention is better than cure, but that is easier said than done.
Problems that are often presented to relationship therapists include conflicting relationship needs, difficult communication, distrust, differences in needs, different norms and values, growing apart or individual complaints of one of the partners. Arguments also often occur in relationships or it concerns issues of giving each other freedom. In addition, there are many other reasons why couples end up seeing a relationship therapist.
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The process of relationship therapy
Depending on how persistent the problems are, the relationship therapy process can vary greatly. Usually, a process consists of a series of approximately 10 conversations. But shorter is also possible if you opt for short-term therapy, or longer if necessary. During relationship therapy, the problem is first made clear. By asking questions, questionnaires and assignments, you and your partner map out what is actually going on. This is the first, and very important step, of relationship therapy.
Assignments to tackle problems
After the problem is clear, one of the most important roles of the relationship therapist is to provide various techniques to address these issues. These are, for example, assignments to communicate more effectively and better with each other. Various techniques can be used as the basis for the therapy, such as Emotionally Focused Therapy , one of the well-known forms of therapy.
You will also get to know yourself and your partner better, which will give you more insight into the origins of relationship problems . Furthermore, assignments focus on recognizing signals to fight less quickly and to support each other effectively and listen to each other.
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In which situations should you choose relationship therapy?
People often wait too long to call in a relationship therapist. However, relationship therapy can help if you develop certain thoughts about your partner. Think of thoughts such as: “you never understand me”, “you don’t get it”, “I prefer to be alone” or “I can’t handle all that whining”. You can of course ignore this or argue about it more and more often.
A good solution is to choose relationship therapy, so that you can work on the thoughts and problems in time. On the other hand, it is possible that you are fighting for a relationship that is not worth it . And here too, the relationship therapist can help you to see this. There are a number of specific situations in which relationship therapy can help. Below we discuss three examples in which therapy can certainly be useful.
1. Difficult communication
One of the main reasons why couples choose relationship therapy is because of difficult or even destructive communication. For example, it may happen that you do not always share your problems with your partner, or that discussions often lead to arguments. While that is not necessary at all, if you know how to communicate with each other.
If you notice that communication with your partner is no longer good or you often have derailed arguments, a relationship therapist can help enormously. For example, a therapist can help with how to resolve conflicts without arguing . Because if you have a disagreement, it doesn’t have to lead to an argument.
There are various tips and advice to improve communication between couples. This includes getting to know each other’s language and vocabulary, focusing on the purpose of the conversation, expressing criticism correctly and making good agreements.
2. Trust and give each other freedom
If one of the partners has cheated or done something else to create distrust, relationship therapy can also help. Improved communication can certainly help here too. The relationship therapist can also help with the question ‘how much freedom do you give each other’. Sometimes it can be that you dare to give your partner less freedom because of a past affair.
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There are also couples who need their own space, but who have difficulty finding the right balance. The relationship therapist can then help you with the question of how you can have your own life without losing each other. And because the conversations are personal, you learn more from them than from a relationship book .
3. Growing apart
A third possibility where relationship therapy can help is if you are growing apart. The question that is often asked to the therapist is how to regain feeling for your partner. Couples therapy can also help to improve intimacy with your partner . A relationship therapist can help you get out of a rut and bring tension back into the relationship.
In any form of relationship therapy and whatever the problem, the most important thing is that you both want to go for it. You both have to be open to change and this requires decisiveness from both of you. Keep in mind that the relationship has to be actively worked on and that you have to see it as a new start for you and your partner.
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