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Growing up, I often tried to make myself as small, quiet, and invisible as possible. I hate drawing attention to myself and will do almost anything to avoid being in the spotlight. I have been doing this since I was little, but now that I am getting older I have to deal with the consequences.
I was always afraid to take up space, to have a voice, to be loud. I was sometimes even afraid to exist because I was afraid I might irritate or frustrate someone. I never wanted to get in anyone’s way. Perhaps you, as an introvert, recognize this feeling?
Also Read: The 5 Struggles That You Probably Recognize As A Highly Sensitive Mother
But now I am a mother of 2 young girls. And I would never want them to wish they were invisible or didn’t exist. I would never want them to doubt their right to express their opinions or to stand up for themselves. I never want them to feel less than they are because other people think, say or believe this. These people are wrong; we all have the right to be and to take up space.
That’s why I teach my daughters to do better than me:
1. Take up physical space with your body
Exist, take up space and be yourself. These are some of the most important things I want to teach my children. I don’t want them to shrink and fold themselves like children so that when they grow up they have to learn how to unfold and live again.
I don’t want them to have bad posture because, like I did, they are literally trying to make themselves smaller and invisible. I’m tall so I tried to make myself smaller so I wouldn’t take up so much space. But that’s nonsense! We all have the right to exist, it doesn’t matter what our bodies look like.
My attitude is the direct result of how I felt for so long and that is wrong. Society places value on things that don’t matter at all. That’s why I want my children to learn to keep their shoulders square and to be proud of who they are. Take up as much space as you need. You can experience how beautiful life can be when you hide.
2. Use your voice
If I have doubts about something or am not 100% sure about something, I keep my mouth shut. Of course I dare to be myself around the people close to me, but in general I keep my mouth shut. And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only introvert who does this.
This is partly due to my calm personality. I talk when necessary or when I have something important to say. But this is also because I often feel like my words don’t matter. Or maybe even that I don’t matter, that my opinion doesn’t matter.
Also Read: Dear Mother Of a Highly Sensitive Child, I See You
That’s why I let my girls talk without interrupting them. I listen because they deserve it. Because everyone deserves this. I’m not going to talk louder to silence them. Even when they babble, I listen, respond and encourage them. I want them to find their voice and use it. I never, ever want them to feel like their words or thoughts don’t matter.
3. Be loud because you can be loud
I’m usually only loud when I’m completely upset or when I’m being tickled. As an introvert and HSP, I don’t like loud noises. It stresses me out. But I do it differently for my daughters, if they want to be loud then they can be loud. I love playing around with them and letting them make nice noises, no matter how small they are now. Because you know what that often involves? A wonderfully loud laugh and that is the most beautiful sound there is.
4. Dance, laugh and run if you feel like it!
I carry the burden of other people’s opinions with me. I hardly ever do anything crazy because I am very concerned with the people around me. I’m not loud, I don’t just share my opinion, I take everything and everyone into account. Unfortunately, if I’m honest, I still find it far too important what others think of me. And that makes no sense at all. It’s a waste of time and energy. If my children want to dance, run or cheer, I encourage them and maybe even join them.
Also Read: Why Children Should Spend More Time in Nature
5. Schedule time to relax and recharge
I also want to teach my children that peace and quiet is a beautiful thing. Many people are afraid of silence, it makes them restless. Instead of seeking silence, they fill their days with distractions, other people and fun things until they are exhausted and go to bed. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with busy days, but it’s also important that you’re comfortable with peace and quiet. Finding pleasure in peace and quiet means being able to enjoy yourself. That your own company is enough for you. And if they are also introverted like their mother, they will need this time alone to recharge and find their balance again.
I want to teach my children to feel comfortable. I want them to love themselves and know that the most beautiful thing you can become is your beautiful, confident self.
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