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New contacts are always exciting, especially when it involves a beautiful woman you’ve just met. You can feel the sparks flying and you can’t wait to find out more about her. But before you rush ahead at full speed, it’s useful to know how to best handle this budding connection. Because there are a number of pitfalls you should avoid in this delicate phase of dating.
18 Things You Shouldn’t Do
We’re going to take you on a journey through the dark alleys of awkwardness and tell you what NOT to do when you’re just getting to know a woman. Because in the world of dating and relationships, it’s important to know what NOT to do to keep that promising spark from fading. Here are eighteen things NOT to do when you’re just getting to know a woman.
1. Send longer messages than they do
It’s important to have a good balance in your text conversations. If you’re consistently sending longer messages than hers, it can be overwhelming. She’ll think, “He seems really desperate with all those long messages.” Keep your messages the same length as hers, or even a little shorter. Keep it light and fun, like texts are meant to be. Save the meaningful conversations for in-person.
2. Playing the waiting game
You had a great date and you really clicked. But instead of texting right away, you decide to wait. You think it’s good to be a bit mysterious. But what you don’t realize is that she might think you’re not interested. She’s waiting for a sign from you, but days go by and you don’t text her. She starts to doubt and eventually loses interest. Waiting to text her can be seen as disinterest or playing games , so don’t do that.
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3. Send multiple messages
We’ve all been there: you send a message and wait anxiously for a response. But it doesn’t come. If you don’t get an immediate response, it’s not a good idea to message her again right away. This is known as the “double text” and can quickly come across as too intense. Give her some space and wait a while before sending another message.
4. Confronting her because she doesn’t respond right away
If a woman doesn’t respond right away, she’s probably read your message and deemed it “not important enough” to respond to right away. Don’t confront her about her lack of response. Accept it. It may even come across as a bit aggressive if you confront her about it. Leave her alone and wait patiently.
5. Thinking the loot is in
You’ve prepared yourself for the second date: a nice outfit and a smile on your face. But you don’t realize that you’ve forgotten the most important thing – your hygiene . Your breath smells like onions, your nails are dirty and you haven’t washed yourself properly. Why? Because you think you’ve already conquered her heart. Don’t stop making an effort for her: not during the date and not after.
6. Shower her with gifts
Attraction can’t be bought. And buying gifts is no guarantee for a good impression. Don’t try to win her over with gifts, but with your personality. Moreover, giving gifts can put unnecessary pressure on her and make her feel like she owes something. Save the gifts for later.
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7. Expressing feelings before flirting
If you want something with her, flirt with her first and then express your feelings. Some men express their feelings first and then flirt, but that is the wrong order. You are not given permission to flirt after you express your feelings for her . For a natural build-up of connection, give her hints by flirting first. Then tell her how you feel later.
8. Showing up unannounced
An unannounced visit to her work can seem very romantic in the movies. In real life? Not so much. It’s more of a creepy behavior , like a precursor to stalking. Women like surprises, but not surprises like this. If you want to see her, make an appointment together.
9. Always be available for her
Don’t always be available when she wants to meet up. Show her that you have your own life with interesting hobbies and a social life. Your time is valuable. If she wants to see you, she has to make an appointment – just like everyone else. In other words, don’t let it all come from you. She can make an effort to make time for you too. By doing this, you increase your attractiveness.
10. Bragging
There’s no need to show off all your accomplishments. You don’t have to talk non-stop about your great job, your expensive car, and your luxurious vacations to Dubai. You want to promote yourself and impress , but you know what really turns women off? Arrogance. Of course, it’s good to be proud of your accomplishments, but don’t overdo it. Show genuine interest in your date and listen to what she has to say as well. That way, you can make a real connection that’s not based on your ego.
11. Making plans for the distant future
You’ve already mapped out your plans for the coming year. You know when you’re going to meet your family and you’ve already got ideas for your summer vacation. The problem? You’ve only seen her once. When you’re just getting to know a woman, it’s wise not to plan too far ahead. It can be intimidating for a woman if you’re already making plans while you’re still in the early stages of your relationship.
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12. Being pushy
If a woman wants to get to know you better, she will want to do this at her own pace. Not at your pace. That is why you give her space. That also means that you should not be pushy, because that can scare her off. Respect her boundaries and her need for space and time for herself.
13. Judging too quickly
In the early stages of a relationship, it is important to be open to new experiences and people. An open-minded attitude works best when you are just getting to know someone. Because despite all your opinions and perspectives, you can be too quick to judge. When you do this, you close yourself off from potential relationships and enriching experiences.
14. Disrespectful behavior
You think you treated her like a princess, but she still cancels on your next date. Why? She probably won’t tell you the real answer. But chances are you shouldn’t have spoken rudely to the waiter at the restaurant. And you shouldn’t have made derogatory comments about other people nearby. Even if you show her respect, a lack of respect for others is a huge red flag for your date .
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15. Give lots of compliments
Leave the smooth talk aside. There is no need to give her five compliments in an hour. She will understand after one compliment. Although compliments are appreciated , giving a lot of (or insincere) compliments can come across as if you want something from her – like sex. Above all, try to be original and sincere with your compliments and don’t overdo it.
16. Doubting yourself
You are constantly doubting yourself and that creates a negative attitude. You worry if you are good enough for her and you show it. How do you think she sees this? A lack of self-confidence can scare women away. Believe in yourself because you are worth it. Be confident and radiate positive energy, even when your self-confidence is at an all-time low.
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17. Drink a lot
A drink or two can lighten the mood and the conversation, but too much alcohol is counterproductive. It quickly leads to inappropriate behavior and loss of control. Keep it to a responsible amount to avoid giving the wrong impression.
18. Seek physical contact quickly
In the beginning of the dating phase, it is wise to build physical contact slowly, so that both parties feel comfortable. You may be ready to touch her right away. But is she? Don’t be too physical, as this can make the woman uncomfortable.
Ultimately, everyone is unique and has a different opinion about what you should and shouldn’t do when dating. Because what can be scary for one person can be attractive to another . That’s why it’s always smart to make your own assessment. But the things you’ve read? You’d better avoid those.
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