What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?

Emotionally Focused Therapy, EFT, is a form of therapy that deals with emotion in the broadest sense of the word. It is a relationship therapy developed by Dr. Sue Johnson from Canada. She has spent years researching an effective way to restore or improve the connection in couples.

The insights from her research have been brought together in EFT: a form of therapy that has now been researched and has proven its effectiveness. The basis of EFT is the attachment theory; a theory that states that no human being is made to be alone.

Emotion is central to EFT and a therapist will therefore also work with those emotions. With EFT the focus is on this and the emotions and needs of you and your partner. This allows you to get to know each other better and understand each other’s feelings and fears. This ensures that you as a couple come closer together again.

Below you will find more information about EFT, for whom it can be a good solution and what the role of the relationship therapist is in this. Curious? Then read on.

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Wat is Emotionally Focused Therapy?

Before you can find out whether EFT is something for you, you will need to know what exactly this form of therapy entails. As described above, this relationship therapy focuses on emotions to work on your relationship. EFT is based on attachment theory and assumes that every person functions better when connected to a loved one. The presence of a partner allows you to do more in life.

However, a relationship can not only provide these positive things, but can also bring up a lot of negative emotions. This can be difficult and can cause you and your partner to grow apart .

EFT can play on this and uses emotions to understand each other. Underneath the anger and arguments, there is often a lot of pain hidden. Only when you can say what hurts you, what causes the high emotions and where your needs lie, is it possible for your partner to mean something to you. This can be by comforting you, offering support or reassuring you in certain situations. It is therefore very important that you dare to show your vulnerable feelings.

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Hold me

Emotionally Focused Therapy has been named one of the best forms of relationship therapy by The New York Times . In her book Hold Me Tight, Dr. Johnson the effective model developed by herself. The stories, ideas and exercises explained in her book are based on the science of EFT.

Hold Me Tight consists of a shortened version of EFT: a kind of summary of the therapy. The book guides you through seven conversations that are decisive in a love relationship and explains how you can shape these moments to create a safe and lasting bond. Cases and exercises in each conversation bring the lessons of EFT to life. Recognize the emotional patterns that arise when you are hurt and experience relationship problems and use the conversations you can have to break those patterns.

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What can a relationship therapist do with EFT?

During EFT, the focus is on your emotions, but how does the relationship therapist respond to this? During the therapy sessions, negative patterns that have arisen in your relationship are clarified. This negative pattern has become the problem in your relationship and during the therapy this is unraveled. The logic is looked at and a way out is sought.

It is important to know that this pattern is a common enemy and that you can work on it with your partner. If you recognize this, you may notice that space is created to interact with each other in a new way. This gives you a better idea of ​​where feelings come from, which changes the atmosphere and creates more space for feelings and connection.

This will strengthen your relationship and you will also be able to trust each other more and allow each other emotionally. During therapy sessions it is important to practice expressing your feelings to each other. Tell each other what is bothering you, what you feel and what you need. This allows you to feel more and more connected.

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The three phases of therapy

A relationship therapist will go through three phases with you, which are client-oriented and adapted to your situation and needs. By going through this method, you will learn to understand your partner better and better. This will teach you to support each other and to have understanding for each other. This offers a stable basis to build on in the future.

1^e fase

The first phase is the escalation phase, in which you will recognize and understand your patterns. In this phase, you can find out, for example, where emotions come from and how reactions come about.

2 ^e face

Then the connection phase begins, in which you learn to allow the suppressed and vulnerable emotions back in. Together you work on breaking through the negative patterns and express your fears and needs.

3^e fase

The final phase is the consolidation phase, in which you look for new ways to solve your problems. This provides a new basis, so that you are less likely to fall back into your old, negative pattern.

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For who is it?

Emotion is the basis of the therapy and can therefore be used as an effective form of therapy for almost any couple. This is the case for both heterosexual and homosexual couples, couples who have been together for both a short and long time, and for both long-term and short-term problems. The therapy also works very well for people of the ‘still waters run deep’ type.

If you suffer from psychological problems, relationship therapy can also be a possibility. For example, if one of the partners suffers from depression or anxiety, EFT can be done, possibly in combination with individual treatment.

Various studies have shown that EFT works for couples with sexual problems or where a partner struggles with anxiety, trauma or depression. EFT works better and longer lasting than other forms of relationship therapy. If you have entered the second phase of treatment, the chance of relapse is minimal. In addition, the result can also be achieved quickly and the complaints will decrease significantly.

Who is EFT not applicable to?

Although EFT can be used for a wide range, it is not the solution for all problems in your relationship. For example, EFT is not applicable to couples with violence within the relationship. Verbal, physical or sexual abuse must stop before EFT can be started. This can be done, for example, by a therapist who has experience with domestic violence. After this problem has been resolved, EFT can be started to solve the underlying relationship problems.

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