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Nowadays, there are numerous dating terms that describe all sorts of everyday situations. One of the most well-known terms in recent years is ‘ghosting’ – the situation in which someone disappears without warning during a date. This trendy dating term was followed by all sorts of new names that were coined. One of those terms is haunting .
Literally translated from English it means ‘haunting’, and that is exactly what it means. It is an extension of ghosting. But what exactly does it mean and how does it work? We will tell you more about it.
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What is haunting in dating?
Haunting describes the situation where two people have been dating, but one of them continues to subtly pay attention to the other via social media. Imagine you are dating someone and after the second date you don’t hear from them at all. Normally you would expect to never hear from them again, but then they suddenly pop back into your life. Not in person, but via likes on your Instagram or Facebook updates.
The contact between you has been broken for a while, but now you are suddenly confronted with that person again. There is no real interaction, but you constantly see his or her name popping up in your smartphone notifications.
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How the term originated
The term haunting actually comes from the popular term ghosting . Ghosting is when someone disappears from your life abruptly and without warning, and we mean this mainly in the context of online dating or romantic relationships. It is as if the person in question disappears without a trace, just like a ghost.
Haunting is basically a spin-off of ghosting and goes a step further. It describes the situation where, after someone has ghosted you, that person still remains present in your life in some way, albeit subtly, through likes on social media updates or other indirect forms of attention. So the term haunting was coined as a way to describe this specific behavior where someone still leaves a trace in your online world after ghosting you, like a ghostly presence that pops up every now and then.
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But why?
The reasons why someone goes silent at first and then suddenly starts haunting? These can vary from case to case. It could be that the person didn’t really want to break off contact and later regrets how things turned out. In that case, haunting is a clear expression of affection , like a kind of ‘sorry’ without saying ‘sorry’.
The haunter may also have unresolved feelings for you, even after you’ve broken off contact. They may be struggling to move on and still want to maintain a connection. They’ll try to get your attention with random messages, hoping you’ll respond. It’s a way of testing the waters to see if you’re still interested.
Another reason could be that the haunter doesn’t want you to move on with your life and that you still think about them. Whether it’s because they want to be in a new relationship before you do or for whatever reason. For that person, haunting is a way to make themselves feel better. Sometimes people want to maintain control over a situation. By showing up in your life every now and then, they keep your attention and can feel like they still have an influence on you.
A third reason could be that your haunter has developed an obsession with you . In that case it can even be dangerous and you can consider it a form of stalking . In some cases haunting can therefore point to a deeper problem, an obsession. The person can be obsessed with you or the relationship, which leads to unhealthy behavior.
Finally, there is the person who does it without any bad intentions. This haunter genuinely just enjoys seeing what other people are going through in their lives, regardless of whether they have ever dated that person. Sometimes the haunter does not have bad intentions, but is just curious about what is going on in your life. They want to stay informed, even if there is no longer any romantic interest.
What is achieved with it
In general, what the haunter achieves depends on you and the relationship you had. The reasons vary and so does how you react to it as a ‘victim’. If you don’t mind, then of course it’s fine, just a little strange. But if you still have feelings for that person, it can be an annoying form of contact because it only causes confusion.
After all, you are constantly getting reminders in the form of smartphone notifications. And if there is no further possibility to start a relationship with that person, then you may wonder whether the haunting is wanted. In most cases, it is not.
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How do you stop a haunter?
We all have the right to set our boundaries . They are your boundaries and you get to set them. If the haunting is unwanted, you need to take steps to stop it to stop the unwanted attention.
1. Communicate clearly
If you are not comfortable with the haunting behavior and you are in contact with the person who is exhibiting this behavior, clearly and honestly explain that you are not okay with it. Tell them how you feel and that you would like them to stop this behavior.
2. Block on social media
An effective way to stop haunting is to block the person on social media. Obviously, this will deny them access to your profile and therefore the haunter will no longer be able to post likes and comments.
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3. Turn off notifications
If you don’t want to be constantly reminded of the person haunting you, consider turning off social media notifications. This will prevent you from seeing their activity in your notifications or feed.
4. Take a social media break
If the haunting is really bothering you, you may want to consider taking a break from social media for a while. Taking a step back will give you a chance to calm down.
5. Stay alert
If the haunter’s behavior becomes inappropriate or you feel threatened, do not hesitate to seek help. Tell your trusted people and if it really gets out of hand, take legal action, such as reporting the person to the police or getting a restraining order.
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