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You’re not the only one who hates dating. Most people don’t like doing it, they do it because they want a relationship. But the process leading up to it is usually not pleasant – in fact, it can be quite frustrating .
Let’s take a fictional Sophie as an example, a young woman who feels like she’s always matching with the wrong men. Whether she’s on Tinder or another dating app, it’s always the ‘same’ man she comes into contact with. Although they look different and are far from identical, they all exhibit the same behavior.
It has led to Sophie developing a hatred for dating. The painful disappointments and harsh rejections have taken their toll. She tries extremely hard to find a good man, but does not see the desired results.
Two hours of swiping and messaging every day. The monotonous introductory conversations and the doubts when a match stops responding . She’s done with it. She’s tired of dating. That’s why she’s about to give up on her search for love, but she keeps swiping… looking for that one man.
Tinder, the dating app that introduced swiping, is celebrating its 10th anniversary this year. A decade of swipes, matches and dates: thousands of children are the result of a right swipe on Tinder. But while many of those matches have led to a romantic relationship, many more have led to something else. From ghosting and thirst traps to what Sophie is experiencing: dating burnout.
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What is dating burnout?
Dating burnout is a 21st century phenomenon that has emerged from the rise of dating apps over the past decade. Dating burnout is the name for a condition that dating app users can find themselves in. Those who experience it are dealing with chronic stress and exhaustion from prolonged and frustrating use of dating apps.
Since dating apps are the birthplace of most relationships between people today, it is now one of the main ways that singles meet each other. But it is not easy. In fact, for many, it is a laborious and unreliable way to find a partner.
Despite the fact that singles are constantly introducing themselves to you on such a dating app, you can get frustrated and exhausted by the whole process. It can wear you down. When you experience disappointment after disappointment, it will definitely become tiring. Especially if you – like Sophie – repeatedly match with people who ultimately turn out not to be a good fit for you. And that is why some people can end up with a dating burnout.
Are you struggling to stay focused on conversations? Can’t handle more than one match? And do you spend every day worrying about your desperate single status? Then you might be experiencing dating burnout. Many who experience it describe it as a feeling of helplessness, exhaustion, and despair. Here are seven signs that could indicate dating burnout.
1. You feel emotionally and physically exhausted
Burnout is a reaction to long-term stress and often manifests itself in physical and emotional exhaustion. However, it is different from normal fatigue because it does not disappear after a good night’s sleep. Despite attempts to get more rest, the tired feeling remains. You are mentally exhausted. You feel less sharp than normal, your concentration is less and you feel a general lack of motivation.
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2. You have become indifferent
The burnout caused by dating apps is partly the result of choice stress. It is the decision fatigue that occurs when you swipe too much. If you are experiencing burnout, it can be very challenging to stay interested, both in the swiping and in the conversations. If you find yourself barely interested in what your matches have to say, then you are probably burned out on dating.
3. You forget who is who
The constant demands for attention from your matches and the dozens of conversations you have every week have made you see your conversation partners as numbers, not as people you want to get to know better . Because you’ve spoken to so many people, you can’t keep track of who’s who anymore. “Was this the one who went to Las Vegas?”, you think. If you’re overwhelmed by everything you do on dating apps, it could be a sign that you’re headed for dating burnout.
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4. You’ve lost hope
If you’ve been feeling like you’re going to be single forever, even though you’re still present and active on dating apps, this is a sign you shouldn’t ignore. Whether it’s because you’re never finding a good match or getting rejected every time, the feeling of despair is one of the symptoms of dating burnout.
5. You spend a lot of time on it
Dating can be time-consuming, especially if you keep thinking that the one is just a swipe away. While dating apps may make you think that finding a relationship is easy, it can take a long time to find a suitable candidate. This can lead you to swipe more, hoping to get more chances. But that actually increases your chances of dating burnout.
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6. You have become pessimistic
Another swipe to the left. Does it seem like you’re swiping more and more people to the left and hardly anyone to the right? That’s because of the rejection mentality that occurs when you’re very active on dating apps. Basically, the more you swipe, the more people you reject. The more you swipe, the more dissatisfied you become with the profiles shown. As a result, you become pessimistic about your chances of finding a partner.
7. You’re on autopilot
Do you find yourself liking the same profiles and having similar conversations over and over again? It could mean that you’ve put your dating life on autopilot, where you’re no longer emotionally invested in the process. You’ve shut down. It prevents you from showing the playful and curious parts of your personality, which is detrimental to your success.
When dating feels like a chore you don’t want to do, like ironing clothes can, it’s a good idea to take a break. That’s also why so many people are on and off dating apps: to maintain their mental health. Dating can take a toll on your body, both physically and mentally, so it’s important to take some time for yourself every now and then.
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