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You have something with someone, but you can’t really call them your boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s more than friendship, because you kiss and sleep together. But it’s also less than a relationship. It feels like something in between. And now that you think about it, you realize you’ve never talked about it.
The conversation about a future together? That has never happened. What is going on between you has not yet been given a label. You have not verbally agreed to a friend with benefits arrangement or talked about the feelings you have for each other. In fact, you do not know where you stand at all.
If all this sounds familiar, it’s probably not a relationship but a situationship . What is that? We’ll explain what a situationship is and the signals that tell you that you’re in such a situation.
What is a ‘situationship’?
In the age of ghosting , gaslighting and breadcrumbing, it has become common practice to give recognizable situations a catchy name. This is also the case with situationship, a term used to describe an undefined relationship. In fact, the term situationship is a label given to a relationship without a label. Complicated? We explain what a situationship means.
A situationship is a phase in which two people are more than friends , but not a couple. They have feelings for each other, to some degree, and are dating. They may be intimate with each other, but they are not (yet) in a relationship. That is because there has never been any official talk about a relationship or the prospect of a relationship. In that sense, a situationship is a relationship in which two people go with the flow, don’t put a label on it, and do what feels right at the time.
In most cases, the future is not discussed. It is very focused on the present and the now. That can make it all confusing, but also flexible and non-committal. If you have been doubting for weeks (or months) whether or not you are together or have ‘something’, then you are probably in a situationship.
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Pros and cons
One of the first advantages of a situationship is that it offers company. You are not alone. It is also a form of relationship in which there is less responsibility. You are not obliged to go to a birthday party. You can do something for yourself whenever you want. In other words: you can do a lot and have to do little.
A situationship can be a fun and stress-free way to get to know each other better . It is therefore a foretaste of a real relationship, although it may not end in a relationship. It is a way to enjoy the benefits of a relationship without a big emotional investment. But despite all the benefits, the situationship also has a number of disadvantages.
A big disadvantage of a situationship is that it can be confusing. If nothing is discussed, it is possible that both can have different expectations of the relationship. For example, you can be satisfied with how it is, while the other sees it as a stepping stone to a relationship. As a result, one can start to demand more from the other who is then not prepared to give more.
Another downside of situationship is that it offers no stability. There is no certainty or consistency. It is difficult to expect something from someone else if they do not feel obliged to meet those expectations. You are not a partner of each other and therefore you cannot expect anything from each other that a partner would do. It is one big grey area, which is why situationship is characterized by obstacles and challenges.
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12 Signs It’s a Situationship
A situationship may be a very simple term to say, but expressing what it means exactly is a lot harder. That’s because this form of relationship – which is not a real relationship – can look different for everyone. However, there are a number of signs that indicate that you are in a situationship.
1. It’s not ‘official’
You have a thing, but you’re not in a relationship . At least, it hasn’t been confirmed by making it official. In fact, you probably both don’t know exactly what it is. You might have a toothbrush lying around together, maybe even a whole drawer full of it. You do everything normal couples do, except that you’re not a couple to the outside world. The reason for this is that you haven’t had the vulnerable “what are we” conversation yet.
2. You don’t use titles
Have you ever introduced the person you’re hanging out with—let’s call them that—as your boyfriend or girlfriend? Or has the other person introduced you to that title? If not, that’s another sign that you’re probably in a situationship—and not in a relationship, or not yet. The boyfriend/girlfriend titles are a natural progression from having the relationship talk.
3. You don’t talk about the future
Up until now, you’ve not only avoided labeling the relationship , but you’ve also not talked about the future of the relationship at all. Long-term plans? There are none. So you don’t know what to expect from the relationship. Either you’re too afraid to ask and risk rejection, or you’re afraid to hear that the other person has plans that don’t include you.
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4. The relationship is not progressing
All relationships follow a similar pattern. For example, it starts with dating and ends with living together and eventually having children. So there are certain relationship milestones that you can expect to see when relationships are moving forward. If they don’t happen, it’s a sign that the relationship isn’t moving forward. And that’s a sign that you’re in a situationship.
5. You are not integrated into each other’s lives
When you pair up with someone, you do most of your life together. You check out their hobby, visit them at work, and meet their colleagues. You are featured on social media and spend time with the people they care about. When this integration doesn’t happen, you know it’s not a relationship yet – it’s more like a situationship.
6. It is superficial
In a situationship, there is often a superficial level. It is mostly about fun and less about a deeper connection . Now that you think about it, you may realize that the other person does not take the time to get to know you or share personal things about themselves with you. If a relationship remains superficial, it is difficult to make a long-term commitment.
7. The other person does not want to be taken seriously
One of the easiest ways to recognize a situationship? It is when the other person tells you, even though the term itself is not mentioned. Have you heard from the other person several times that they are not looking for anything serious? Then you can take their word for it, because there is a big chance that there is nothing more in it than a situationship.
8. You’re going alone again
While you have someone you could go to an event with, you find yourself alone again. You find yourself all alone at family dinners, birthdays, weddings, and other events where you would hope to be with someone. But the person you are with is not the person who is standing by your side. If you can’t take the other person to these events, it is a sign of where you are in each other’s lives.
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9. There is no concrete evidence
If the police were to investigate your relationship, the detectives would find no evidence. The friends have never heard of you. The family knows nothing of your existence. And on social media there are no signs of a relationship between you and someone else. In short, if there is no concrete evidence of a relationship, while you are in something with someone, then you are in situationship.
10. You don’t date anyone else
You are not single. But you are not in a relationship either. It is like being with someone exclusively in a situationship , but that is not agreed upon. It basically means that you do not meet up with others, even though nothing prevents you from doing so.
11. You are insecure
If you are in a situationship and do not want a relationship, you feel like a fish in water. If you want a relationship and are in a situationship, you feel more like a fish out of water. In the second case, you have a burning question to know where you stand. This leads to a feeling that can range from an uncomfortable feeling to extremely insecure.
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12. There are no rules
If the person you’re dating is going away for a weekend with friends, do you discuss this with them? What if they’re sharing a hotel room with a friend of the opposite sex? The extent to which these things are discussed shows the state of the relationship. Because while there are rules in relationships, there are no rules in situationships.
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