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You probably imagined something different, because the way your relationship has been going lately isn’t entirely consistent with a healthy relationship . And yet that relationship still endures, even though you have known for a while that things were not going well. It affects you, your partner and perhaps even children – if they are involved. Despite this, you still hold on to each other, although the question here is for how long.
Maybe the relationship is making you feel overly stressed, or it all feels like more of an obligation than it should be. Whatever you feel; it doesn’t feel good, it feels bad, and you even look forward to every new day you spend with your partner. Don’t know exactly what you feel or what to call your relationship? Then you will probably agree with the term destructive relationship . No matter how confrontational that may be.
What is a destructive relationship?
The term says it all: destructive relationships are relationships that are destructive and that do you more harm than good. What was a very nice relationship not so long ago now suddenly seems to be crumbling. You lose confidence in your partner, in your shared future and it also affects your self-confidence.
We don’t know exactly how you are treated by your partner, but there is a chance that you will be called a poser or that you are exaggerating or being difficult. The relationship exhausts you and it is therefore important to realize for yourself the situation you are in now.
Because let’s face it: a relationship that is going a little less well will not seem unfamiliar to many people. But when you realize that you are in a destructive relationship, the penny drops. Destructive relationships have no future, although they sometimes last too long.
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5 signs of a destructive relationship
It is therefore too easy to say: pack your things and leave your partner tomorrow. It is often not that easy to cut the knot in one fell swoop and there are many other factors that play a role in maintaining a destructive relationship, whether unconsciously or involuntarily.
What does help is to create awareness about the type of relationship you have. And perhaps at some point you might think about breaking off the relationship. Reason for us to give 5 characteristics of a destructive relationship:
1. You keep waiting for your partner to change
People go through many phases in their lives. The problem of a destructive relationship occurs when you wait for your partner to change. If your partner is not willing to take actual, concrete steps to change his or her behavior for the sake of you and your relationship, then there is no point in waiting.
Ask yourself: Would you tell someone else you love to wait and see if their partner changes even though it’s all miserable? If the answer is no, then you shouldn’t do that yourself. Let go, although this will not be easy for everyone. But do it, gradually.
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2. You feel guilty (whether unfairly or not).
Maybe you’ve been with your partner so long that leaving seems cruel, even when you’re unhappy . You feel sad for your partner and try to put yourself too much into his or her situation. If you are unhappy yourself, it is impossible to continue trying to keep your partner happy. Letting go of guilt can be one of the most difficult things you will have to endure.
Getting support from friends, family, and even a counselor can help process the guilt and make letting go of both the guilt and the destructive relationship a lot easier.
3. You are still together because of the children
Marrying young or too early can often result in unstable, destructive marriages. For people in this situation, the children are actually the only thing that keeps the relationship going. It’s admirable to stay with your partner, but it’s not always the right solution — even for the kids. At some point they will also sense that it is not right.
Ensuring that your children are raised in the safest and healthiest environment should be your top concern. Letting go can therefore be the best solution for everyone in the long term.
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4. Distrust prevails
Obviously, there is a lot of distrust in a destructive relationship. You may feel controlled. Or maybe you do it because you feel there is a reason to do so. In fact, an incident in the past damaged the relationship and that is why the relationship never became what it was. Your trust has been damaged too much and has been replaced by mistrust.
The other way around is of course also possible, but you get our point. There is lying , cheating , and everything that has to do with it. There is always someone to blame.
5. You are together because of (financial) dependence
Relationships are all about compromise and balance. This also applies to housework, caring for the children, and paying the bills. Now you may still be together because one simply can’t handle leaving the other. This may be a financial situation that may still play a role in some traditional households. Just go back two generations and ask yourself how easy it was then to suddenly leave your partner.
Even today, there are people who are completely or largely dependent on their partners and therefore hold on to a relationship that has been breaking itself down for a long time. The way out? Becoming independent. Both on a relational and financial level.
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