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You have been dating someone you really like for a few months. But you’re starting to notice more and more that you don’t feel completely comfortable. The person you are dating constantly wants to know where you are and what you are doing. And if you don’t answer quickly enough, your new lover will get angry. Sometimes you are also accused of having something to hide. In addition, the person also wants to spend a lot of time with you and seems to be jealous when you spend time with friends or family.
You start to feel more and more trapped and suffocated by this relationship, but you’re not sure if you’re judging it correctly. You try to be careful about setting boundaries. But every time you do that, your partner seems to become even more possessive and controlling . You start to wonder if this relationship is really healthy for you, and if you will be able to get out of this situation. That’s why you’re wondering: what are unhealthy relationship boundaries? And when is it really unhealthy?
Setting boundaries in relationships
People deal with boundaries in their relationships in different ways. Some people are very direct in setting boundaries. They address their partner about what they do and do not want in the relationship, and they do so in a clear and unambiguous way. This creates clarity, but it can also quickly lead to tensions.
Other people have difficulty setting boundaries and do this mainly in a passive way. They avoid confrontation and do not express their wants and needs. As a result, they can suppress their emotions and become dissatisfied in the relationship. Still other people set boundaries aggressively. They use blame, accusations and threats to express their wishes. As you can imagine, this creates a negative atmosphere in the relationship.
Setting boundaries is primarily intended to keep the relationship healthy . You treat each other with respect. You take care of yourself and others. You indicate what you are and are not comfortable with in the relationship. Conversely, your partner knows what is expected of them and how to treat you respectfully.
All of this prevents an unhealthy dynamic, because when boundaries are not set in a relationship, it can lead to behavior that should not be accepted. And as a result, for example, it can happen that one person is in control and the other feels trapped. When the boundaries of a relationship become blurred, love quickly turns into suffocation. And the relationship itself becomes a prison instead of a home.
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18 signs of unhealthy relationship boundaries
Setting boundaries is therefore healthy for a relationship. That’s not setting boundaries. But then there are also unhealthy relationship boundaries, where the boundaries are not respected or are unreasonable. Unhealthy relationship boundaries are also boundaries that you don’t know your partner has and vice versa. But what can you see as unhealthy relationship boundaries? We explain some of them.
1. No equality
Your partner does not see you as an equal in the relationship. You are inferior, your partner superior. In practice, this manifests itself in the fact that your partner can ignore your opinions, needs and desires.
2. No personal space
Your partner has no respect for your personal space. Your partner is constantly demanding your attention. This means you are never alone. Your partner is always near you, always wants to know where you are and what you are doing and does not respect your need for alone time. This behavior can lead to feelings of suffocation, like claustrophobia in your relationship.
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3. Control and power
Your partner always wants to be in control of the relationship. If possible, your partner always wants to determine what you should do, think and feel. You are being manipulated or pressured to impose his or her will.
4. No respect for boundaries
Your partner does not respect your boundaries. You ask them, but your partner ignores your requests not to do or say certain things. For example, think of making negative comments, belittling you or grabbing you roughly.
5. Hidden expectations
Your partner has certain expectations of you, but does not communicate them in a clear way. This means you are constantly guessing what he or she expects from you. And what happens next: you don’t meet expectations, even though you would like to.
6. Lack of communication
Your partner does not talk to you about feelings, thoughts and wishes. This makes you feel ignored and you experience the relationship as one-sided . You feel misunderstood and perhaps also rejected.
7. Excessive complaining
Your partner often complains about small things and can be very dramatic about this. Your energy and time are consumed by your partner’s negative emotions. It complicates the relationship, while that is not necessary at all.
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8. No respect for your time
Your partner is often late or cancels appointments at the last minute. For no good reason.
9. Feelings of guilt
Your partner often makes you feel guilty about things you didn’t do or are not responsible for. As a result, you do things that you don’t actually want to do or that are not in your interest.
10. Inappropriate jealousy
Your partner is often jealous. Despite your words of reassurance, your partner can’t trust you with others. The result is that your social contacts and friendships are questioned. You are accused of cheating or are subject to unreasonable and inappropriate control.
11. Cheating
Your partner is cheating, keeping secrets from you and may even have a double life . We don’t have to explain that this is unhealthy for a relationship.
12. Not taking responsibility
Your partner does not take responsibility and blames you for problems in the relationship. Not just once, but every time. Or your partner refuses to work on the relationship, which only makes the problems worse.
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13. No room for growth
Your partner is not open to growth and development in the relationship. Old patterns are sacred, change is impossible. For example, your partner may refuse anything new or different.
14. Unhealthy dependence
Being too dependent on each other is not healthy for a relationship. This is, for example, the case if your partner is too dependent on you for his or her happiness. This can make you feel trapped in the relationship.
15. Lack of emotional support
In a healthy relationship you offer each other support when necessary. If your partner offers little or no emotional support when you need it, that’s not healthy. It is also possible that your partner ignores or minimizes your feelings.
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16. No open communication
Your partner withholds important information or avoids discussing sensitive topics. This can make you feel misunderstood, as if you don’t feel heard.
17. Lack of physical intimacy
Your physical intimacy needs? These are ignored by your partner. For example, you are rejected when you seek intimacy.
18. No support for personal goals
Your partner does not support you in pursuing personal goals. In other words: your ambitions don’t matter. Your partner may downplay or even actively oppose your dreams and desires.
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