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Relationships provide companionship. You have someone you can spend all your time with. You don’t have to, but you want to. When you are together, you enjoy each other. And when you’re apart, you look forward to being in each other’s company again. Doesn’t that sound wonderful?
That may sound great in theory, but in reality, spending too much time with your sweetheart can actually cause problems in a relationship. So before you unintentionally ruin your relationship with your soulmate , it’s good to know that too much time together can be one of the causes of a breakup.
When are you together too much?
When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to lose track of the time you spend together. You take extra days to work from home to spend more time together, cancel other obligations to do something fun together , and on weekends you deliberately stay in bed longer. When you are in love, it sometimes seems as if time no longer exists. But this time together is precisely what can become a problem.
The risk of spending too much time together is that you can start to ignore other parts of your life. For example, research shows that when women quickly spend more time with a new romantic partner, they also quickly spend less time with their best friends. Not only that, they also spend less time on other aspects of their lives. That may not be a problem in the short term, but it could cause problems in the long term.
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One relationship is not enough
Despite all the people who believe that their partner is their ‘everything’, a partner cannot be ‘everything’ to you. It may be the most important relationship in your life, but one person cannot replace all the other relationships you have. One person cannot fulfill all those roles.
Although you may really want to share all your experiences with your partner, it is necessary that you also take time for yourself, your work, hobbies and other people in your life who make you happy. In other words, losing yourself in a relationship can come at the expense of your job and other relationships – and that’s not healthy.
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How much time is ‘good’?
The tricky thing about this is that there is no set rule for how much time you can spend together before it has a negative effect on your relationship. What feels like too much time together for one couple may feel like too little for another. Whether you spend too much time together – and we’re talking about the number of hours – ultimately depends on the dynamics of the relationship.
Some people are very fond of their own time. They want to keep their freedom to do what they want to do. Too much time together can feel suffocating for them . Others quickly become codependent and always say ‘yes’ to everything. They put their own needs aside and therefore spend much more time on the relationship than is healthy for them. And then there are people who are extroverts and need company. Sitting on each other’s lips for four hours a day can be completely fine in one relationship, while it can cause problems in another relationship.
To keep a relationship healthy, it’s good to find a balance that works for everyone. That’s a balance between what you and your partner expect from the relationship, how much time you spend together and how much time you can still spend on the other parts of your life. Ultimately, it is also good for the relationship if you maintain your friendly and family relationships, progress in your career and have the space to develop yourself.
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9 signs that it’s too much
Healthy relationships need boundaries. These are important because you don’t want your relationship to take up every second of every day. You also don’t want the relationship to consume all your energy. If you suspect that you are spending too much time with your lover, there are a number of signs that can confirm this.
1. Your sweetheart is your whole world
If you literally do everything together with your partner, you probably already realize that it might be a bit too much of a good thing. This is, for example, the case if you do not have many recent memories in which your partner does not play a role. It’s not a bad thing to spend your life with someone you care about. But at the same time, that doesn’t mean that your entire world has to consist of that one person.
2. You no longer have anything to say to each other
One of the hallmarks of a healthy relationship is that you can be together without demanding each other’s attention. You feel comfortable in the relationship, even if you have nothing to say to each other. However, it’s a different story if this becomes a habit and you have nothing new to say. This could be a sign that your life outside the relationship is shrinking.
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3. You no longer make an effort
When you spend too much time with someone, it no longer feels necessary to make an effort for each other. The sweet gestures are left behind and the affection disappears: everything seems to become a bit redundant. You take each other for granted . If you no longer feel the motivation to keep the spark alive, chances are you’re spending too much time together.
4. You give up hobbies and interests
You quit a hobby so you could spend more time with your partner. You gave up an interest just because your new love didn’t see the point in it. If you feel like you ‘ve given up a lot for a relationship, you’re probably spending too much time together. In a healthy relationship it should be possible to continue doing your own things. If not, it’s usually a sign that you’re losing yourself in the relationship.
5. You’re behind
Two weeks ago you had to hand in a paper for school. Today it’s not even half finished. Your dog has already gotten used to doing his business in the garden, because you only take them for walks sporadically. There’s no time for that. You are behind in everything you do. If this is recognizable to you, then you are spending too much time on your relationship and not enough time on other important things in your life.
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6. You neglect your friends
It’s only natural to prioritize your relationship . Everyone does that. But that doesn’t mean you have to give up your friendships. If you’re no longer getting invitations to girls’ night and outings, assume you’ve been spending too much time with your partner.
7. Everything irritates you
Your partner’s chewing, the socks lying everywhere in the house, the ‘wrong’ packing of the dishwasher: every day you start complaining about everything your sweetheart does. You get irritated by the smallest things. You can’t even do anything about it because no matter how well your partner tries, it’s not enough not to annoy you . And that is a typical result of a couple who spends too much time together.
8. You never miss each other
A sign that you are too close to each other is that you never get the chance to miss the other person. When was the last time you missed your partner? Do you still remember? The more time you spend together, the more you forget what it’s like when the other person isn’t there. It is healthy for a relationship to realize what the other person means to you. Part of this is the fact that you realize what your life will be like if the other person is not there.
9. You don’t know what to do when you’re alone
Because you do so much together, you have forgotten what it is like to do something for yourself. Normally there is someone by your side to support you, but not right now. What now? If you don’t know what to do when you’re alone, take it as a sign that you’ve been spending too much time together.
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