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It’s exciting but also intimidating; the step of moving in together. On the one hand there is the exciting prospect of waking up together every day, on the other hand this scares you. Can you handle sitting next to each other day and night?
You enjoy spending as much time together as possible, but is living together perhaps just a bit too much? Sometimes moving in together is a natural and logical step that both are eager to take, but more often than not it is a situation full of doubts. And usually one of the two really wants it, while the other starts to itch when it is talked about.
Living together has advantages, disadvantages but also unknown situations and numerous challenges; are you ready for that? If you recognize yourself in these 7 signals then you do not have to doubt. These are the signs that you are ready to live together.
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1. You have discussed the finances
Whether you want to rent or buy a house, living together means that money has to be paid every month. Can you afford this as a couple, who pays for what and will there still be enough money left over to do fun things ?
If you and your partner are going to live together, you must be able to talk about money in a mature way, even about difficult and personal topics. Do you share the rent, is the mortgage taken out in two names and who pays for the groceries? And what if the relationship ends ? What happens then?
If you want to live together, these are just a few financial topics that you should discuss with each other in advance.
- Who pays the rent or are the costs shared?
- Can you bear the burden together?
- Have the uncomfortable conversations about salary and loans been had?
- What happens when you become unemployed and how do you deal with it?
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2. You know how to resolve conflicts
Living together makes a relationship more intense. You no longer have a small disagreement every week, but every day. You have less freedom and discover new things about each other that you did not know yet, also the negative things. You get irritated more quickly and are constantly confronted with new obstacles.
If you don’t even live together yet and you can’t resolve conflicts, this doesn’t bode well for living together. Small conflicts transform into big arguments and before you know it your shared home is hell on earth. That is why it is important that you learn to talk to each other and solve problems before you start living under one roof.
- How do you resolve disagreements?
- Do you know how you deal with each other when one of you is angry?
- How do you prevent arguments?
- Who will continue to live if things don’t go well?
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3. You do it for the right reasons
Your partner is evicted by the bailiff due to rent debt, or you lose your job, which makes living together financially attractive. There are various reasons why you might want to live together, but most of them are not good reasons, such as the two examples above.
Moving in with a partner is an important relationship step and it should be a decision based on your feelings. You should want to live together because you want to be with this person, preferably as much as possible and because you really want to. Not because it is convenient or easy.
- Why do you want to live together?
- Are you together day and night now?
- Is this person for now or for the long term?
4. You think alike about the future
The classic love scenario follows a number of logical steps; meeting, dating, relationship, living together, marriage, children. You have already completed the first three steps, only the last three remain. But what if one of you does not want children? Or does not want to get married?
If you want to live together with your loved one, these are the things you need to discuss with each other. Are the expectations of the relationship completely different? Then a social disaster cannot be prevented. Also, do not expect someone to suddenly change because of living together.
- How do you and your partner envision the future?
- Do you both want children?
- What do you think about getting married?
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5. You feel comfortable with each other
If you’re wondering if you’re ready to move in with your partner, ask yourself how comfortable you are with your partner and vice versa. Do you feel comfortable standing completely naked in front of each other? Or when you come back from the gym sweaty? And can you poop/urinate in each other’s presence?
If you have only shown yourself in your best outfit and ready to go out, then you are not ready yet. Or be prepared to be surprised.
- Do you dare to be yourself with each other?
- Are you embarrassed without makeup?
- Are you comfortable with your partner in your worst moments?
6. You have been completely open with each other
Do you have any secrets you need to reveal or are you hiding something you just don’t dare to tell? Then you are not ready to live together yet. Sharing the same home address is not something you do just like that. You only do it if you trust someone and you are honest and open with each other.
With a shared house you enter into a joint obligation, you don’t want to do that if you have not yet been completely open with each other.
- Do you have secrets from each other?
- Does your partner know everything he or she needs to know?
- Do you know everything your partner needs to know about you?
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7. You’ve been together day and night
It is difficult to estimate how you will like living together. Especially when you normally see each other twice a week and suddenly switch to every day, it can’t be compared. If you want to know whether living together will work, you can test this in advance.
A two-week holiday is an example where you are in each other’s presence every day and at any time of the day. How does that work? If you have lived together under one roof for a longer period of time, this is a sign that living together could work out.
- How are the holidays where you see each other every day?
- Can you give each other space while living together?
- How much do you value “me-time”?
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