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You know what’s funny is, I didn’t see myself as a perfectionist at all. My desk was often a mess. Once I had finished a report, I would not spend hours on the layout of the report. But the content of this report… believe me, it was ‘perfect’. In addition, I was extremely critical of myself. I felt that I should absolutely not make any mistakes and felt that I had to do everything right the first time. Everyone had to like me. If I didn’t receive a compliment for my work (confirmation), it meant that I hadn’t done a good enough job… what do you mean, not a perfectionist?
There are two sides to perfectionism. Because perfectionists are often extremely motivated and intelligent. They have also achieved a lot, but they pay a price for this success. People with perfectionistic sides often struggle with enormous self-criticism, chronic stress and health problems such as depression, obsessive-compulsive disorders and even heart problems.
ALSO READ: Overcoming Burnout: How to Rebuild Confidence in Your Recovery Journey
Research
New research suggests that perfectionists are more likely to burn out and this comes as no surprise. “Being a perfectionist is extremely stressful and stress contributes to burnout,” says Andrew Hill, lead researcher on this study. Which qualities of perfectionism cause the most stress? Self-criticism, black and white thinking (“I’m successful if I get that promotion and I’m a failure if I don’t”) and an enormous fear of failure are particularly harmful, says Hill.
In their analyzes of 43 studies conducted over the past 20 years on perfectionism, the researchers saw that this trait is strongly linked to burnout due to sports, school or work. Burnout is characterized by feelings of physical and emotional exhaustion, cynicism, low motivation and less personal self-efficacy.
The researchers examined the two important dimensions of perfectionism: Perfectionistic drive and perfectionistic concerns. Perfectionistic drive – setting high personal goals and working proactively to achieve these goals – was not linked to burnout. This part of perfectionism can even keep burnout at bay because it contributes to the feeling of personal achievement.
While on the other hand, perfectionistic concerns – including the fear of failure, of making mistakes, of letting others down or disappointing others and the constant need for affirmation – was clearly linked to burnout. “It is the process of harsh self-criticism that is central to perfectionistic worry and this provides the clear link between perfectionism and burnout,” say the study authors. The constant fear, criticism and self-doubt cause acute and chronic stress. Unfortunately, over time, this stress leads to burnout.
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Exactly what happened to me, I (in retrospect) always walked on my toes . Said yes to everything (because I could handle anything, I thought), was extremely critical of myself, always doubted myself and really wanted to be promoted (for confirmation). At some point you start to find that constant stress normal. Yes, I knew I was stressed. But yes, I did sleep at night so I thought it wasn’t too bad. Yes, I had a lot of stomach aches, was often sick and was nauseous a lot (the ways in which stress manifested itself in me) but I didn’t pay attention to that. Because stress was normal, right? That’s part of it, right?
But stress is not normal! Stress really is a silent killer. Therefore, if you are experiencing a lot of stress now, try to think carefully about your life and the way you do things. I fell hard (I feel like suddenly from one day to the next). I had a burnout and severe depression and it took me a long time to recover from this.
ALSO READ: My Journey to Recovery: How I Ultimately Overcame Burnout
That’s why it’s important to realize that you don’t have to be perfect. That you too are allowed to make mistakes. You can also do a job well without it being perfect. Your friends like you even if you’re not perfect. Your colleagues respect you, even if you are not perfect. Understand that you learn from your mistakes and that making a mistake does not mean the end of the world. Try not to feel responsible for everything, take the enormous pressure off and think about yourself. Because there is only 1 you and you have to be very careful with that!
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