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You’ve met someone on a dating app who is both attractive and authentic. It’s exactly the type you were looking for. Interesting, likeable and charming: almost all the boxes are ticked. But despite all these plus points, you sometimes get an ominous feeling in your stomach. And that has everything to do with the psychopathic traits you discover in the other person.
While not all psychopaths are serial killers, you do know that people with these traits can be unscrupulous. And you’ve noticed. What started out as a fairy tale is starting to look more and more like a chaotic mind game. It’s gotten so bad that you know it’s not for you. But how do you end a relationship that you can barely call a “relationship” at this early stage?
Ghosting may be the answer, according to recent research , when you suddenly and without explanation stop all communication with someone you’re dating. The research, published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology , says that avoiding a violent reaction is one of the reasons people ghost.
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The reason why people ghost
Ghosting is a common phenomenon in the world of online dating. It has become a common option to end a budding relationship. Despite being frowned upon by most people, there are many people who engage in it. They do so for various reasons. And one of those reasons is a safety issue.
Researchers have been studying the phenomenon for several years now in an attempt to understand why people do it, including a group of psychologists from American universities who are jointly conducting research into ghosting.
Lead researcher Gili Freedman, assistant professor of psychology at St. Mary’s College of Maryland, says, “The interest in the topic really started because we were curious about some patterns we were seeing in ‘real-world’ anecdotes.”
“We saw a pattern in online forums where men would write about how frustrated they were at being ghosted, and women would respond by saying that when they engaged in outright rejection, men would respond in aggressive ways, so ghosting felt like the safer option.”
When Freedman and her colleagues asked people to write about their experiences with ghosting , they found that some of them were concerned about their safety. Because the safety issue has come up in other studies of ghosting, the psychologists thought it would be a good idea to do more research on the subject.
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Concerned about safety
Freedman and her colleagues decided to conduct two studies with a total of 653 participants. The participants were presented with various dating scenarios and reasons for ending a relationship. For example, the participants were asked to give their opinion on the scenario “You’ve been on three dates with John/Jane and find out that he/she is texting his/her ex. What would you do if you wanted to end the relationship in the easiest way possible?” The participants then indicated how they would end the relationship .
The researchers found that participants were more likely to ghost if the scenario involved a safety concern. For example, participants were more likely to ghost if the other person was likely to become so upset that they might get physical. “The main takeaway is that people seem more motivated to ghost when there are safety concerns,” Freedman tells PsyPost .
In the second study, bisexual participants were allowed to voice their opinions. In this study, they found that the gender of the victim did not matter: all participants were more likely to ghost if they were concerned about their safety, regardless of the gender of the victim.
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