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Have you ever been asked about the “third date rule” and what you think about it? Then it’s helpful to know what it means. The third date is different from all other dates because it’s the third. It’s the crucial moment where you set the course for your relationship. It’s not an official relationship yet, but all signs point to a promising future.
In the dating adventure, the first date is often seen as a kind of trial period. As a test. The second date usually confirms the existing click between you. But it is that third date that really kicks things off. In other words, it happens on the third date.
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What is the third date rule?
It’s not entirely clear where the rule comes from, but the general consensus is that the third date equals sex. In a classic episode of The Big Bang Theory , Howard learns that there is such a thing as the third date rule and what it means.
“This is our third date, and we both know what that means.”
“We do?”
“Sex.”
Is the whole third date rule just a myth or something you should really stick to? Opinions are divided on that. For many, it sounds like a good idea to wait until the third date or later to sleep together. But not everyone – there are two camps. Some say to just be yourself and make love when you feel like it, while others swear by the rule as if it were a sacred rule.
But let’s face it, there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to love. It’s all about what feels right for you. You might feel that irresistible pull on the first date, or you might need a little more time to build an emotional connection.
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Why does it exist?
The third date rule is one of those unwritten dating rules that everyone knows, but no one seems to understand why it exists. However, there are a few reasons why the rule exists.
The third date rule is often seen as a guideline for women not to make men wait too long. At the same time, the idea behind it is also that they do not let themselves be seduced too quickly. It helps you to set a boundary for yourself, but it also helps to decipher whether a man wants more than just sex. Moreover, a study among 10,932 people has shown that waiting with sex has a positive influence on the course of the relationship.
1. It helps you set a boundary
Online dating can be disappointing and you shouldn’t just believe everyone you meet. Some people just can’t be trusted. That’s why it’s important to set your own boundaries when it comes to love. The third date rule is one way to do that.
It’s perfectly normal to think after that first date: “Hmm, maybe we can take it a step further?” But is that really what you want? By waiting to have sex, you ensure that you don’t send the wrong message. It says something about your self-esteem and that of your date.
2. It filters out the non-serious singles
The third date rule is not only a shield for your heart, but it also helps you spot the unserious singles. Those who are serious about a relationship will be patient and wait. Those who are just looking for some fun often give up after one sexless date.
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3. It creates the right expectations
The rule is also about the expectations you set. If you make it clear from the start that you won’t sleep with just anyone, you’ll attract the right people. By following that third date rule, you’re showing others that you have standards and values. It forces your date to really get to know you before you even get intimate. If they’re not into that idea or act weird, they probably weren’t meant for you anyway.
4. It sends the signal that you don’t want to hook up
If you make it clear that you are not just looking for a quick hookup , you are showing that you are looking for something serious. Waiting to have sex is always associated with serious relationships. If you want to “save” yourself for the right person, you can extend that rule even further. That immediately gives others the idea that you are looking for more than a casual hookup to satisfy your needs.
5. The desire grows
Procrastination can be great. The longer you wait to have sex, the greater the desire. If you wait a little longer and wait for the right moment, you will not only enjoy sex more, but it will be better. Sex with someone you barely know can be awkward. But once you have seen and talked to each other a few times, it only gets better. So why make yourself available too soon on that first date? It is worth the wait.
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What do the studies say?
Sex has been the subject of thousands of studies. But the timing of sex in dating has been much less so. In one study on the timing of sex in a relationship, participants reported that the “average” man can expect to have sex after three dates . However, participants expected the “average” woman to have sex after 12 to 14 dates.
Interesting detail: when asked when they themselves had first had sex during their last relationship, it turned out that sex did not occur until much later. Men reported having sex after 9 to 11 dates, while women only got into bed after 15 to 18 dates.
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Average: 3.53 dates
The third date rule is followed by many people, according to another study among a global audience. A survey by Time Out among 11,000 participants provided the answer. This large group of participants was asked after how many dates they share a bed . The average is 3.53 dates before physical contact occurs. Based on this study, most people wait just a little longer than the third date, only to share a bed somewhere in the middle of the fourth date.
Whether or not you believe in the third date rule, it can help everyone avoid getting intimate on the first date. After all, the rule exists for a reason. It has worked for many people, and according to research, many have ended up in a loving relationship.
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