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From an early age, we are taught to say “thank you.” We say it when we receive something from someone else, such as a gift, or when someone does something nice for us. For example, if you have to go through the same door at the same time as someone and they let you go first, it is a natural reaction to say ‘thank you’. But even though you say it to everyone, you’re probably less likely to say it to the person who deserves your gratitude most: your partner.
While showing gratitude is a kind of reflex with strangers, sometimes we stop doing it with the people we care about most. And that’s a shame. Because new research suggests that saying “thank you” has a powerful, positive impact on the relationship. It can even save your relationship .
Saying “thank you” isn’t just a sign of good manners. It is also a way to show appreciation for your partner. According to research from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, it can also be a tool to keep your relationship good. The study shows that people who feel valued by their significant other are more satisfied with their relationship and are more likely to stay with their partner.
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Better relationships
“People who feel appreciated by their partners have better-functioning relationships that are more resilient to internal and external stressors, both at the time of expressing appreciation and over the long term,” said researcher Allen W. Barton, a professor at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign.
Over a 15-month period, Barton and colleagues at the university examined the power of gratitude and how it affected the relationships of 316 American couples. Specifically, the researchers wanted to know whether both expressing gratitude and receiving gratitude made people (and their relationships) more resilient to daily stressors, such as financial problems.
The team found that those who showed and received more gratitude from their partner were more satisfied with their relationships. These individuals had more confidence in the future and showed less instability in their relationships , such as arguments or thoughts about breaking up.
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Gratitude protects
When the team looked at protective effects of gratitude, they found that showing more gratitude can buffer against the stress of both financial strain and petty arguments. When there is such relationship stress , satisfaction and trust in the relationship normally decrease. But that appears to be much less the case when those in the relationship show more gratitude to each other.
“The protective effect of gratitude applied both in the moment – when the respondent felt appreciated by the partner – and over time,” says Barton.
“While there is no one-size-fits-all way to make your partner feel appreciated,” says Barton, “Make sure you give compliments that are sincere and authentic. And ask your partner if there are any areas where they feel like their efforts aren’t appreciated or recognized. Start expressing appreciation for those things.”
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