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If you have been in a relationship for years, chances are that you have had arguments with your partner. A disagreement about something small or a discussion that escalates into an argument. As unbelievable as it may sound: there really are couples who never argue.
However, that does not mean that a relationship without arguments is by definition a healthier relationship. In fact, couples who do argue sometimes have it better together. Do you want to know if a relationship without arguments is possible and if it actually works? We will tell you more about that.
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The characteristics of a relationship without arguments
There are couples who rarely argue. They often live together in a loving and harmonious way. One of the most important characteristics of this type of relationship is that they communicate with each other in a specific way. They almost always try to find a compromise and ensure that needs, preferences and wishes are discussed in an acceptable way for both.
However, a relationship without arguments does not mean that these couples always agree with each other. There may still be disagreements, but these are resolved before a real argument can arise.
The couples must be honest with each other and mutual trust must be more important than “winning” an argument. These types of couples are less likely to argue. Differences in opinion are then discussed calmly , without escalating into an argument.
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The On-Off Relationship: What Are the Differences?
Another term often heard when it comes to arguments and relationships is the so-called on-again, off-again relationship . This relationship is on and off again. The love between the partners is often enormous, but can also cool down very quickly. The relationship is often broken by a burst of anger, a major difference of opinion or a huge argument.
One of the most crucial problems in an on-again, off-again relationship is the lack of good communication from the partners. It is a lot more difficult than it seems to be able to talk properly about your feelings, wishes and the relationship.
There is often a lot of arguing in an on-again, off-again relationship; a lot more often than in a “normal” relationship. Miscommunication will often lead to anger and frustration. This can easily escalate into an argument. In turn, this argument can cause the relationship to break down.
An on-again, off-again relationship is therefore something completely different from a relationship without arguments, possibly even the opposite, as there are often arguments here that can quickly escalate. And they can cause the relationship to end.
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Arguing is not a bad thing
In the first weeks or months of your relationship, you were probably madly in love with your partner. You were on a pink cloud and everything seemed nice and wonderful. This phase lasts on average 3 to 18 months, after which you end up back on earth and have to face reality.
In this phase, irritations will also occur more and more often. Where you used to only see the positive things about your partner, you now also see things that are less nice more quickly. However, this is very normal and not bad at all. It is also important to argue a little about smaller things. This ensures that you can work on solving things together; something that can certainly come in handy if you have bigger disagreements.
You learn more about each other and the way you communicate with each other in arguments and discussions. This is easier with smaller topics than to immediately argue about an extremely important matter. Arguing is therefore not a bad thing at all.
By arguing, you also show your emotions and show that you are hurt. By expressing this, it is also possible for your partner to do something with it and work on it together. If you close yourself off from your emotions and do not show what is going on inside you, then it is also very difficult for your partner to meet your wishes and feelings. It can enrich relationships enormously if you can express what you feel and how much this means to you.
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Is a relationship without arguments possible?
Arguing can also be good for your relationship, but if you can resolve disagreements in a different way of communicating, this is also fine. A relationship without arguments is therefore possible, provided you can communicate with your partner in a clear way. As soon as you start to close down and prefer to avoid the argument, things will eventually go wrong. You will have to be vulnerable and continue to express your feelings to maintain a healthy relationship.
Does a relationship without arguments work?
A relationship without arguments can certainly be possible and work well. However, this does depend on a number of factors and a relationship without arguments will therefore not work for everyone. Couples for whom it often works not to have arguments are couples who are honest with each other and who have mutual trust. It is more important for them to trust each other than to win or lose an argument. In this way, arguments can simply be talked out, without it turning into an argument.
However, this can also go wrong. This is the case when couples do not argue because they prefer to avoid confrontation. In this case, the emotions of the disagreement are still present, but no solution is found.
In these situations a relationship without arguments does not work
As indicated above, a relationship without an argument can also go wrong. This is the case, for example, if the conflict is avoided, compromises are constantly made or the dispute is simply ignored. This creates miscommunication, which also creates misconceptions about the relationship. This is not good, as clear communication is very important for a healthy relationship . Unlike these couples who don’t argue, arguing couples at least know what’s bothering the other and are honest with each other about it.
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This is the best way to communicate with each other
Every individual and every couple is of course different. As a result, the way of optimally communicating with each other is also different. Yet it is important to ask yourself a number of questions about communication in your relationship.
For example, are you afraid of your partner’s reaction? Are you afraid that you will ruin the relationship? Are there topics that you never dare to talk about? If the answer to any of these questions is ‘yes’, then you will have to work on this. Try to talk to your partner about your feelings and be honest and sincere with each other.
Returning to an argument
Of course, it can happen that you don’t talk out an argument properly. If you want to show what you feel, this can take some getting used to for your partner. This can make him or her defensive or very frightened. If you can’t talk out your feelings, it is wise to take a break.
It’s important to get back to it afterwards to make an argument productive. Be honest and clear during the argument. What exactly do you feel? What do you want? And what meaning does it have for you? Ask your partner these questions too and suppress the urge to respond immediately. Also listen carefully to each other and try to understand each other as best as possible.
Fight or no fight
All in all, it differs per couple as to whether arguing is necessary in a relationship. There are relationships with arguments that work extremely well and there are also couples who have a great relationship without arguments. It is especially important to ask yourself why you are or are not arguing with each other and whether you can communicate with your partner in an open and honest way.
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