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Is it really true that love knows no age? Age is just a number, right? That doesn’t necessarily say anything about who you are or how you approach life. If we look back to ‘the past’, we notice that people nowadays are much more open to relationships with age differences.
Those old prejudices about large age differences have actually largely disappeared. No one is surprised anymore if an older man (‘ sugar daddy ‘) lives with a younger girl, or if a mature woman (also called ‘ cougar ‘) has a relationship with a younger man. It may not be the norm yet, but it’s certainly not as uncommon as it used to be. It seems that love doesn’t care about age boundaries.
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What is old?
There is a formula for determining whether someone is too old for you, according to socially accepted limits. This is known as the ‘half your age plus seven’ rule . It is a rule known worldwide that indicates whether your partner is too old for you or not. The rule is intended as a social guideline for anyone who has doubts.
½ (your age) + 7
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Benefits for both parties
Rules are meant to be broken, right? If your partner is older than what society considers ‘normal’, that’s not a disaster. It’s just a little different than what most people are used to. The benefits for the older half of the relationship are obvious, and there are plenty of benefits for the younger partner too. But let’s be honest, there are of course some challenges. The real question is whether a relationship with a big age difference can really succeed or whether it is doomed to fail from the start.
If you find yourself in a relationship with such an age gap, or if you’re considering losing your heart to an older flame, these are a few things you need to know.
1. The future is different
Everyone knows that your goals and desires change as you get older. At 16 you might dream of a cool car, but ten years later you’ll dream of your own house. And once you have that house, your dreams change again. A challenge in relationships with an age gap is that those dreams often don’t align. The younger party may want children, while the older party may feel too old for that responsibility, to give just one example.
People with a significant age difference also have completely different backgrounds. One has little life experience, while the other has already been through a lot. Whether this relationship works depends not only on age, but mainly on your goals, interests and lifestyle. To make a relationship with a big age difference work, you need to be open and honest about your life goals and dreams from the start. It all has to fit together well.
2. Growing older is inevitable
No matter how well you fit together now, growing older can eventually become a problem. You might not really notice the age difference if you’re 21 years old and your partner is 40, but what about in 10 or 20 years? You are no longer 21, but 41, and your partner is… that’s right, 60. While you are still in your ‘young years’, your partner is approaching his or her retirement.
With a big age difference, you really have to think about what it will be like if you are still full of energy, while your partner is already dealing with the discomforts of growing older. It is important to prepare for this and realize that this could be the future.
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3. Sexual problems
In a relationship with an age difference, one of you may be more likely to experience sexual problems than the other. Libido peaks during puberty and naturally declines as you get older. At 30, you may not notice much difference in your sexual desires, but as the years go by, sexual desire may decrease. And that has consequences for your sex life . Sexual desires and the ability to have sex depend on hormones such as testosterone in men and testosterone and estrogen in women. As you get older, these hormones decrease, which can affect your sex life.
A decreased libido in itself is not a problem if you both experience it. But it can become a challenge if one person has less interest in sex , while the other still wants it often. It can be an uncomfortable conversation, but it’s important to talk about it when it arises. Sweeping problems under the rug doesn’t solve anything and only makes things worse.
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4. It stands out
When two people of the same age hold hands and are in love, it is not noticeable. But imagine if the age difference is twenty years. Then your relationship will stand out. People look around while shopping and even in the supermarket; if it is different from normal, it attracts attention.
Moreover, it cannot be limited to curious looks. As an older man you may receive unwanted comments such as ‘find someone your own age, pervert’. And the younger woman can be offended with comments that it is only about financial gain.
It is inevitable that you will stand out if the age difference is large. This is something you have to learn to deal with when you get into this relationship. You cannot control the opinions of others. The only way is to accept it and not pay too much attention to it. If you are happy in your relationship, this should not diminish your satisfaction.
5. Varying degrees of maturity
Age is just a number, right? What really matters in a relationship with an age difference is not the age, but the degree of maturity. For example, two people aged 21 and 35 can have the same level of maturity. When you start a relationship, you want you to be at about the same level of maturity. This ensures that you get along well and the relationship can thrive.
One 21-year-old already knows what he or she wants in life and strives for stability, while another 21-year-old may still be searching, change studies and have no clear plans for the future. The difference in maturity can be large between these two people. Therefore, one may be better suited for an age gap relationship than the other.
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6. Your environment may not accept it
Although relationships with a large age difference are becoming more common, they are not always accepted by everyone. Friends, family and colleagues may look at you differently if you are in a relationship with someone much older. Some will find it strange that you make this choice, others will not take the relationship seriously and consider it temporary. Your parents may find it difficult that you have a partner who is the same age as them. Your environment can sometimes make things more complicated than they already are.
If you are confident in your relationship and want to fight for your love, it is useful to prepare those around you for what is to come. Let your friends, family and acquaintances meet your partner before they judge. Be open with them, share what makes you so special. Show who your partner is, show some photos and share your feelings honestly. If those around you notice that you are serious, they will be too.
If you start a relationship with someone who is much older or younger, it is smart to think in advance about your expectations , future plans and ambitions. By discussing this, you prevent obstacles from later becoming problems that you could have seen coming.
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