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Ups and downs , good and bad times, through thick and thin; that’s what a relationship entails and if things go well, there will be more good times than bad. The problem with a relationship? That there are two partners involved who will undoubtedly clash. That creates uncertainty . If this lasts for a longer period of time and the dissatisfaction gains the upper hand, then we are talking about a ‘slump’, or better said: a relationship dip.
That in itself is not so bad, because with a bit of luck you will only learn to understand each other better and come out stronger. Things will be different if the relationship dip continues and some kind of long-term crisis arises, making the relationship untenable at a certain point.
Because we obviously don’t wish that last scenario on any of our readers, today we will talk to you about everything about a relationship dip. We discuss the most common situations and what you can do about a relationship dip.
What is a relationship dip?
In the beginning, you are in seventh heaven, you are head over heels in love, and every moment that you are not with your partner feels like a great loss. There is no lack of romance and you think everything is perfect. We all know the feelings and it is at this moment that you understand better than anyone that the term ‘having butterflies in your stomach’ was not invented for nothing.
After a while, however, there is also more and more room for automatism and you could even secretly call it a rut . The relationship increasingly falls into a dip. That is nothing new, because ultimately no relationship is perfect. Yet such a difficult period is quite hard, because it is not unusual that at such moments you already think of the beginning of the end .
Get over that dead center
That chance is there too, you may have experienced that before, but in most stable relationships this dip is overcome. That is a good thing, because let us not forget that a relationship dip is nothing more than a sign of the times.
Sometimes the first fight is actually fatal or the doubts are so serious that you decide to end the relationship. But sometimes, or actually very often, such a dip is nothing more than a dead point that you have to get over. Every relationship experiences a relationship dip in some form.
Insecurities play through your mind
The result? That you start to be bothered by things that you didn’t see before. Does your partner leave his or her towel lying around every time? In the initial phase you were still laughing about it, but now it’s killing you. There are more irritations, less touching, more struggles and less heat.
You leave out that fun strip act you had in mind and put just a little more effort in the kitchen, which you don’t feel like doing either. There are doubts. Why bother if you don’t know if you’ll still be together in 3 months? It may be a bit drastic right away, but it does play on your mind.
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A relationship dip is nothing more than a dip
Fortunately, this panic is not always justified and that is why a relationship dip is a dip . So there is a temporary less good phase, but you will get over it. If there is no further meaning behind it, you will get over the irritation of those towels lying around and eventually the strip act you had planned will be fine. With just a little luck and joint effort, you will soon be in seventh heaven again.
When does it happen?
Let’s say there are still some interesting theories about it. Of course, after the phase of falling in love, there is a first phase where the early feeling of falling in love begins to make way for more automatism on the one hand, but also more love than falling in love on the other .
After 4 years
It is also stated that there are two major low points in the first 10 years of a relationship. We encounter the first dip after about 4 years and the second dip after about 7 years. When the first difficulties arise, as a couple you try everything to get the relationship through. After all, you know better and that not so long ago you were very fond of each other.
After 7 years
What is remarkable about the period after 7 years is that for many couples it is about the time that there are already small children in the game. And although they bring a lot of joy and happiness, the kids also cause a lot of stress. Suddenly, new responsibilities arise and instead of being able to spend time between the two of you, you will now have to do so with one or more children. Couples with children are often unhappier than those without children, as strange as that may sound.
The most common situations
With that we immediately mention an important situation that we will continue with below. The second dip after 7 years has a specific name. We will go through the most common situations with you.
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The first dip
After a few sunny months, it suddenly becomes a lot cloudier between the two of you and you notice that during everyday things. For example, when you are a bit feverish. Instead of your partner lending you a hand and offering you a caring hand, he or she does much less than you had hoped for.
No pat on the head or a warm soup. Your partner even snaps at you that you shouldn’t be so dramatic. You are disappointed and a little later it turns out that your partner suddenly found you a lot less attractive now that you were so ill.
It is at these moments that the negative aspects suddenly come to the fore more strongly, in most cases, for both partners. The infatuation takes a hit, after the first few months or after a little over a year. Should you therefore also worry about these kinds of things? No, you are both people and you will both get over it.
Seven year itch
Not everyone will have seen the film, but Marilyn Monroe fans have probably heard about it: The Seven Year Itch . That is a film from 1955 with Monroe in the leading role in which a strong claim is made: on average, after about 7.6 years, women cheat most often, which is also the time when most divorces take place.
The theory is that the passion would diminish after about 7 years and what once started as a film has now grown into a myth that still occupies people’s minds.
Dip or a bad relationship?
Things change when a so-called dip starts to take structural shape. In that case, the dip will last for a very long time and the chance of an improvement therefore seems less likely than the opposite: things can only get worse. Yet this scenario is also often referred to as a dip and that is incorrect, partly because one or both partners already know deep down that things are not going in any direction. In this case you can continue to wait for an improvement, but it is not worth the wait.
Is it temporary or permanent?
That brings us to our next point, whether it is temporary or permanent. Is the dip of a structural nature? Then you will notice that you keep ending up in that circle of arguments, misunderstanding and sadness. You end up at the same point every time and the good intentions quickly give way to the same disagreements . A temporary dip can be seen as a kind of turning point in the relationship.
For example, there is the previously mentioned turning point from infatuation to love, the second transition a few years later, and a new dip when, for example, children are involved. We are of course taking this very broadly and not every couple will have children, but roughly speaking it comes down to this. The advantage in these scenarios? That love manages to overcome it every time.
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What to do about the dip?
In addition, there are also several ways to end a dip or to prevent the possibility of a dip as much as possible. For example, we recommend the following:
1. Keep going on dates
And regularly. Do something every week, just like you did in the beginning. Yes, you live together now and it’s nice to hang out on the couch once in a while, but also go out regularly. Don’t do those standard things like going to the cinema or eating out at the same restaurant, but also try new things .
No, you don’t have to fly to the Maldives right away, but you can do something different. During the date or outing you will completely understand why you fall for each other.
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2. Sit down to talk to each other
Many people don’t talk to each other enough and that may be a bit clichéd. Yet it is true and this is partly due to the fact that we are often on our mobile phones . Put the phone away, turn off Netflix, and sit around the table without distractions. Talk to each other about the routine things like groceries and bills that need to be paid, but also dig into other topics. Take your time.
3. Do your own thing
That doesn’t mean you have to be on each other’s toes, on the contrary. Make sure you both have your own lives. Continue with your own sports, go out regularly with your own childhood friends and let your partner do what he or she wants. Make sure you have a life besides each other. It will only benefit the relationship.
4. Give compliments
Does your partner look nice and you want to say that, but you end up keeping it to yourself? Don’t do that this time. Just tell him or her that he or she looks nice. Don’t do it out of obligation, but purely at the moments when you really mean it. Compliments help .
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5. Don’t bottle it up
Frustrations should be expressed, but when you are in a temporary rut, you get the feeling that there is no point in telling them. You always have doubts and the more you doubt, the less well you know what you should and should not bring up. Just get it out there and say it when you have to.
Don’t wait to bring it up during the next discussion, because then the conversation will probably derail. We don’t mean that in the sense of escalating, but more in the sense that discussions take a completely different turn. And then the chance that it will be spoken out is immediately much less.
6. Have sex regularly
You also need to keep stimulating each other sexually. Sexual contact strengthens feelings and ensures that you feel loved. By that we mean of course an intense lovemaking session and not so much a emotionless quickie. Make sure that lovemaking is done with feeling. Hopefully you will then end up in the clouds together again.
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