Relationship Burnout: 3 Signs It’s Taking Too Much Energy From You

Burned out, listless, tired: burnouts are becoming increasingly common among Dutch people these days. Most of these burnouts are work-related, but this is not always the case. You can also get a burnout from your relationship, when the relationship demands too much of your energy.

But how do the symptoms of a work-related burnout differ from those of a relationship? And what about a combination of both? What are the symptoms exactly? How does it develop exactly and what can you do about the symptoms? We will tell you more about it.

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What exactly is a burnout?

A burnout is a long-term form of stress in which people feel completely exhausted emotionally, mentally and physically. You are no longer able to perform well, you are listless and have a general feeling of exhaustion. Often there are also other feelings involved, such as a feeling of anxiety or depressive feelings. A burnout therefore has a major impact on your life.

The cause of a burnout

According to the latest figures from 2018, almost 1.3 million Dutch employees had burnout complaints. ¹ And not even everyone reports to their GP or company doctor. The complaints mainly occur in people between the ages of 25 and 35. In a Dutch study, 27% of young people even indicated that they had had a burnout or related complaints.

When people experience burnout, they often immediately think of a work-related cause. But it is not only stress and busyness at work that can cause this exhaustion reaction of the body and mind, your relationship can also be the cause. If you experience a lot of stress or tension because of your relationship for more than six months, you can also end up in a burnout. So not every burnout is due to stress at work.

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Burnout from your relationship

In every relationship there are sometimes tensions. Perhaps you disagree on certain topics, you argue more often , or there is some form of emotional abuse . Excessive physical exertion at home, social problems, insecurity and a negative self-image are also possible causes of burnout. Is your relationship not going well? Then many of these causes come together and the duration and accumulation of the stressful circumstances ensure that you become ‘burned out’.

A burnout due to your relationship is often related to an unhealthy relationship . In a healthy relationship there can also be tensions, but these are mentally suppressed by the beautiful and positive moments. In an unhealthy relationship there are more conflicts, more arguments and as a result the relationship costs a lot of energy. If this continues in the long term, you can get a burnout. If you let yourself, your wishes and your health down, it can easily happen that you suffer from complaints that have to do with a burnout.

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What are the symptoms of burnout?

If your relationship has not been going smoothly lately, and you feel like it is taking up a lot of your energy, you may wonder if it will lead to burnout. Maybe the relationship is taking up so much of your energy that you have neglected your own health and are no longer paying as much attention to yourself. And if you think about it, you do have some complaints due to the ongoing relationship stress. Do these symptoms sound familiar?

Psychological symptoms of burnout 

• Indecisiveness
• Insecurity
• Low self esteem
• Dejected
• Feeling hunted
• Being distrustful
• Anxiety and panic complaints
• Cry easily
• Irritable
• Concentration problems

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Physical symptoms of burnout

• Headache
• muscle strain
• Nausea
• Stomach ache
• Palpitations
• Hyperventilation
• High bloodpressure
• shortness of breath
• Insomnia
• Fatigue
• Feeling flu-like quickly

There is a burnout if you have been suffering from complaints for six months. In general, most people who have a burnout have a feeling of strong fatigue, wanting to distance themselves from people, performing less well, insecurity about their own capabilities and depressed or emotional moods.

1. No desire for social activities

One of the most important signs of burnout is that you are tired and don’t feel like doing anything. If you have a social activity planned, you are really looking forward to it. Even a small birthday feels like a heavy burden and it’s hard to even think about it. Let alone having to get off the couch and walk all the way to two blocks away.

2. Pessimistic and mood swings

Another sign of a burnout from your relationship is that you have a lot of negative energy. You suffer from mood swings, emotional outbursts and because of the many arguments you get a very pessimistic view of love. You no longer see the point of your relationship , have no hope that it will ever work out and love starts to seem like a disillusionment. You see your relationship as a struggle and no longer feel happy in your current situation.

3. A flat feeling

In addition to feeling negative and suffering from mood swings, you can also start to feel very flat. You feel listless, as if you have no emotions anymore, sad and empty. You are not motivated to do anything and all the hobbies that you used to enjoy no longer interest you. You are overtired and just want to lie in bed: isolate yourself from the rest of the world. All other activities feel like a heavy burden that you do not want to put any effort into. You are constantly tired and do not feel like taking the initiative to do anything.

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Preventing burnout in your relationship

Every relationship has problems and this does not necessarily have to cause a burnout. However, it is good to take a step back every now and then and focus on yourself. Ask yourself how you feel in the relationship, what your needs are and if there are things you would like to change. In this way, you keep an eye on your own health and you do not lag behind.

In addition, it is also important to ensure good communication with your partner. Therefore, make time for a good conversation every now and then , remain each other’s priority and put effort into each other’s needs and emotional feelings. Furthermore, it is also important to give each other space or undertake relaxing activities together. If necessary, professional help can also be of great help to make certain matters discussable, for example relationship therapy .

What to do in case of relational burnout

Are you still dealing with a burnout because of your relationship? Then it is time to focus on yourself. Pay attention to your own peace and health. Only when you feel good about yourself again, is it worth working on your relationship.

Do you suffer from depression or do you often feel anxious? Then it is also a good idea to consult your GP. This can refer you to professional help to learn to deal with these negative thoughts. You can also visit a doctor for the physical complaints caused by burnout. For example, if you have tension headaches, stomach or intestinal complaints or a feeling of anxiety, it is wise to visit your doctor.

Take care of yourself

The most important thing to prevent or solve a burnout is to take better care of yourself. Make time for yourself and seek peace. For example, go into nature, go for a walk or start with mindfulness exercises, meditation or yoga. Treat yourself every now and then with a good book or a relaxing massage. Do things that make you happy and give yourself the opportunity to relax. In addition, it can also help enormously to talk about your situation with a confidant and to express your feelings.

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