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You are in a relationship, one that you have put a lot of time and energy into. Maybe you’ve been together for years and you can hardly remember life without that person. It is therefore logical that you want to maintain the relationship. Because that would be a huge shame to just stop. And this is a very difficult decision to have to make.
Yet sometimes it can be the right choice to stop fighting for the relationship , but to let go. Even though you know that a difficult period as a single person lies ahead; it can be the only and right decision to ultimately become happy again. But how do you know when it still makes sense to fight and when it’s better to let go?
What questions can you ask yourself to find out? How do you make the decision to quit easier? And what are the signs that an end to the relationship is almost inevitable? We’ll tell you more about it.
End the relationship or continue?
Ending a relationship is a choice you have to make yourself. You can of course ask friends and family for help, but ultimately you have to listen to yourself. You are the boss of your own life and ultimately you know best what is good for you.
Don’t be overcome by fear of the future or stress about the moment when you have to make your choice known. Of course it will be extremely difficult, but you probably don’t feel comfortable at the moment because of the stress of choosing. There is a good chance that you are not feeling happy in your relationship at the moment ; otherwise you wouldn’t hesitate about quitting. You will therefore have to ask yourself a number of questions to find out what you want for yourself.
The most important question? Whether you see yourself with your partner in 1, 5 or 10 years. Is the answer to this question an obvious no ? Then it is clear that you are going to leave your partner. The only question is: when ? But in addition to this telling question, there are a few more things you can ask yourself to help with this decision.
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Questions to ask yourself when experiencing relationship doubts
Do you have relationship problems and are you no longer satisfied with the relationship? Have you gotten into a rut or is there a lot of discussion and arguing? Do you no longer feel like yourself? Whatever the cause; at this moment you ask yourself whether there is any point in continuing. We have listed a number of questions that can help you make your choice.
1. Are we (still) compatible?
This is perhaps one of the most important questions you can ask yourself when experiencing relationship doubts . Unfortunately, the answer to this question is not that easy, as many factors play a role. For example, look at the common interests, opinions, beliefs and other aspects that are important to you. In addition, you may wonder whether you fit together in the vision you have about the future or the importance you attach to different norms and values.
According to psychologist Marly Senden, there are a number of factors that increase the chance of success. For example, it helps if you have the same background in terms of culture, a similar personality and expectations about life and the future. If you notice that you differ a lot on essential points, then it might be better to split up.
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2. Do I still feel connected to my partner?
Connectedness with your partner is what can make the difference in a relationship. This connection often consists of three components: intimacy, passion and commitment. If there is a lack of any of these components, this may be a reason to part ways. For example, there may be a lack of sex , which means there is no longer any passion.
Try to find out what exactly is missing in your relationship. Can better communication or more affection make you feel more connected to your partner again? If it is not possible to regain this connection, it may be better to end the relationship.
“You can love them, forgive them, because good things for them… but still move on without them.” – Mandy Hale
3. Do I still want to be alone with my partner?
Due to a busy social life, quality time with your partner can sometimes be missed. You are mainly busy with work, children, colleagues, friends and family, making it difficult to make time for each other. If there are relationship doubts, it is good to spend more time together. Talk to each other more in the evening, express what you appreciate in the other person and plan a romantic evening every now and then. This way you can strengthen the relationship again and bring you closer together.
However, it is also possible that you come to the conclusion that you actually no longer like being alone with your partner. That you prefer to avoid each other and don’t want to see each other anymore. Then it is best to take the plunge and stop.
4. Can I communicate well with my partner?
Not only the honest conversations, but also the way you argue is important for your relationship. Arguing is a way to express your dissatisfaction and tell what you need. It is therefore important that you dare to be honest with each other and discuss with each other in an open manner.
It is important that you do not criticize each other , do not get defensive too quickly, do not show contempt and do not put up a wall. If you notice that this often happens to you and conversations do not help, then it is probably best to split up.
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5. Can I still be myself?
In a good relationship you should feel comfortable with your partner and dare to be yourself. Autonomy is increasingly important in relationships and several relationship studies show that autonomy is even a success factor for a good relationship . Autonomy leads to more independence and freedom, which allows you to love yourself and your partner more.
If you notice that your partner does not give you enough space to be autonomous, it is wise to talk about it and see if anything can be changed. If this is not the case, listen to your feelings and decide to end the relationship.
3 signs that the end is inevitable
There are a number of signs that can tell you that a breakup is inevitable. The most important of these is, of course, if you no longer see a future in your relationship. You no longer see a solution to solve the problems. It doesn’t bother you anymore; you have become indifferent to the relationship and your partner. There may also be other reasons for this. Some of the most common and valid reasons to end a relationship:
1. One of you is cheating
If you are no longer faithful to each other, this is often a signal that the end is inevitable. It may sound easy to leave someone who has cheated, but in reality this is often a lot harder than it seems. A lack of trust is a valid reason to want to end the relationship. Because a relationship in which there is no more trust is doomed to failure.
2. There is violence in your relationship
If you are a victim of violence in the relationship, you need to stop. Doubts are not even necessary; stopping is the only choice. Violence can come in many forms: from blackmail and physical violence to emotional abuse . It is best to end your relationship as soon as possible. And be sure to seek help from family, friends or a healthcare provider.
3. You’ve grown apart
Where you had many common interests in the beginning, this is now completely no longer the case. The lives are almost completely separate and you don’t really share much more than a place to sleep. You have different hobbies, friends and daily activities. Does this sound familiar? Then we have to work very hard on the relationship , otherwise the end is inevitable.
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