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If you grew up with a daily dose of Disney, you might think that opposites attract. Tarzan and Jane, Beauty and the Beast and Cinderella have given us the idea that people always fall in love with people with opposite qualities. Moreover, it is not just Disney that has reinforced this idea. The entire film industry romanticizes the concept of opposites in love .
However, studies say time and time again that this isn’t really true in real life. For decades, psychologists and sociologists have pointed out that the idea of opposites attract is a myth . The partners that people choose for themselves turn out to be very similar in reality.
In any case, comparability applies to a wide range of characteristics, such as age, education level, race, religion and intelligence. And that turns out to be a good choice, according to new research , because relationships between people who are ‘equally desirable’ usually last longer. Simply put, the researchers believe that people who have a much more attractive partner will – on average – not be with their partner for long.
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Traveling to Namibia
Researcher Sean Prall, assistant professor of anthropology at the University of Missouri Columbia, traveled all the way to Namibia to investigate this topic. While there, he studied the behavior and dating habits of Himba, a tribe made up of local nomads who live a rather primitive existence. It gave Prall the opportunity to investigate what influence ‘partner value’ – how wanted you are – has in a more traditional setting. The Himba form their relationships in a way in which both men and women can make their own choices based on who is available.
Prall also interviewed locals about how sought after others are in the community. Using all this data, Prall and colleagues calculated an estimated mate value for each member of the tribe. This estimate indicates how many others might want to have a relationship with the person. The team also analyzed relationship statuses. The study is published in the journal Science Advances .
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More chance of success
In the study, the researchers found that two people who are equally wanted by others are more likely to end up in a relationship together. Moreover, these relationships are also more likely to succeed, lasting longer than with people who are not equally wanted. The research also revealed that people with similar ‘mate value’ are more likely to date each other and are more likely to have a successful relationship .
In total, Prall spent five years researching the community. During that period, his team analyzed data related to marriage, parenthood, childcare, food insecurity and partner choice. Although all this is very specific to the Himba population, Prall is convinced that the results also apply to larger and different populations.
“This was a great population to look at these questions because everyone knows each other and most are dating and marrying within the population,” Prall says. “You can ask them how much they would like to be in a relationship with a certain person because they really know that person. This is how people have found their partners for thousands and thousands of years, not online, but with people in the community.”
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