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Do you break up or stay in the unhappy relationship to avoid hurting your partner? It’s a question many ask themselves in times of adversity. The decision to end your relationship can have a life-changing impact on both the partner and yourself. Staying in an unhappy relationship is difficult for some to understand, but anyone who has experienced it can relate; Breaking up a relationship is sometimes just not that easy.
In fact, it’s not even uncommon for people to stay in an unhappy relationship when it may be counterintuitive to stay with the partner. This has now been confirmed by a study from the University of Utah. University researchers claim that people stay in these bad relationships out of selflessness, because they feel sorry for the partner.
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Why stay?
Previous research on maintaining an unhappy relationship has focused primarily on the unhappy person’s own needs. It shows that reasons are given such as ‘not wanting to be alone’ or the ‘fear of always being alone’. However, recent research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows that there is more to it. 1
“If people think their partner is very dependent on the relationship, they are less likely to initiate a breakup,” says Assistant Professor Joel of the University of Utah . “This even applies to people who are not really attached to the relationship or are dissatisfied with the relationship. In general, we don’t want to hurt our partners and we care about what they want.” “In making that choice, the unhappy partner can hope that the relationship will improve,” Joel said.
The study followed a total of 1,848 people in a relationship over periods of 10 weeks and 2 months. The study found that the more dependent the partner is in the eyes of the person who wants to break up, the less likely they are to break up with them. This suggests that people stay in these miserable or even unhealthy relationships out of pity for the partner. Out of selflessness, they do not feel they are able to end the relationship.
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The new findings show that compassion for one’s partner and selflessness play a role when it comes to considering a breakup . When making the choice to break up, not only your own needs are taken into account, but also those of the partner.
After all, breaking up has a huge impact on the other person’s life. It turns out that many people take into account the feelings and perspectives of the partner with whom they have an unhappy relationship.
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