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I was about twenty-three or twenty-four years old, I don’t even remember exactly, when from one moment to the next I could no longer get out of bed. On. About. Out. I am now thirty-one years old. I haven’t written an article for Herhealth in years because I simply had nothing more to say about burnout. Recently I suddenly received messages and a phone call from readers again. Women who felt recognition in my articles, thanked me for the openness and so we started talking. During these conversations I noticed that these readers experience little perspective for the future. Questions like: how long will this take? What can I do? And on desperate days, and believe me we’ve all had them, does it stay that way forever? These conversations echoed in the back of my mind for a long time. Do you know that? That it keeps coming back at the strangest times? Clearly, you have to do something with that. But what?
I don’t coach anymore. Coaching made me feel like I was stuck with one foot in the past. One recognizable experience after another was shared with me and that sometimes stirred up feelings and memories. After deciding to stop coaching, I started working with children, which I experience as meaningful and rewarding work. However, writing is still my great love and so I decided to write an article for Herhealth.nl and hopefully offer some future perspective for those who like it.
ALSO READ: Overcoming Burnout: How to Rebuild Confidence in Your Recovery Journey
Letting go of the idea of getting better or being better.
Let’s immediately address the most pressing question: ‘Will I ever get better again?’ Yes and no. First of all, this is different for everyone. I was really on the ground. The first few weeks I couldn’t go outside for more than ten minutes before the birdsong sounds gave me a panic attack. My nervous system was so out of control. It took almost a month before I could go to the supermarket and was able to process all the stimuli.
In retrospect I see that it is quite an achievement if you have to go so far, to cause yourself so much destruction. The tricky thing is; breaking down is easier than building up. It is what it is. Building up simply takes time. Of course, there are plenty of things you can do to help your recovery, both mentally and physically, but ultimately the most important thing is to take your time. About 4 years ago I decided that I was ‘better’, despite the complaints I still had, such as not being able to sit at the computer for long. After EMDR therapy (I will come back to this later), I took another step in this direction because I sincerely felt gratitude in every fiber of my body for how things are going now. Everything is good. If this is it and the residual complaints never go away, then that’s okay too. The funny thing is that I still have those ‘okay, apparently I can do this again’ moments. I’ve written about this before, but the mantra ‘be where you are, not where you think you should be’ has really been a life changer for me that I still use.
ALSO READ: My Journey to Recovery: How I Ultimately Overcame Burnout
Consciously maintained
No, I’m not talking about your car or your flower beds. I’m talking about YOU, supporting yourself. The Netherlands is queen of symptom control. The best tip I received from a haptonomist was ‘stay in touch with yourself. Invest in maintenance’. Beautiful. I have done that. I book a relaxing massage every three weeks and make sure that I don’t have to do anything for at least the next two hours. Just sit on the couch with a cup of tea and a good book. For me it is immediately a nice scale meter. The moment I miss a massage because I’m too busy, an alarm bell goes off. I still don’t always find it easy to hit the brakes, but it has to be done. Then something goes wrong and I (myself) have to delete it from my agenda. The agreement with yourself is always the most important.
Staying in touch with yourself is also about recognizing and processing your emotions. Only last year did I try EMDR therapy. Phew. That’s no small feat and I knew it. It had already been recommended to me by a psychologist. I had seen violence within youth care that stuck with me. However, I didn’t see how I could do that. If the birds already scare me to death, how on earth can I spend an hour delving into trauma? How glad I am that I didn’t do that then. Last year I was strong enough and went into therapy full of fear. What turned out? Not only that aggression but also the whole burnout bothered me deeply. Feeling uprooted and weak. Unable to take care of yourself or to trust yourself (your body and head). That feeling, that was my trauma. EMDR has helped me incredibly to put that behind me.
Increasing feminine energy
This sounds vague, doesn’t it? Hey, don’t drop out! Wait a second. It is about acting from trust. Rediscovering or developing intuition and then listening, compassion for your fellow man, being sensitive and knowing what a person ‘really’ needs and a strong inner conscience. This together means that a woman has a great inner compass. There is so much I can say about this that I won’t elaborate on it now. That alone is an article in itself. What matters is that I have experienced enormous benefits, especially within my field of work where I still coach adults, since I accepted this feminine energy and acted on it. If you are thinking ‘what a soft-boiled egg’, that is first of all fine and secondly I ask you to read the last part below.
ALSO READ: 4 Reasons To Indicate Your Limits
Idealism and zest for life
So, I forgot about this for a long time. I don’t want to exaggerate, but when I burned out I felt dead inside. Turned off all emotions and beliefs, which later came over me like a tsunami. ‘Who am I? What do I stand for?’. From a paralyzed situation I slowly emerged again. I got the earth under my feet and my stormy character back. I dare say that I am a fiery person. During my adolescence, that fervor, like many other things during adolescence, reached its peak. The flame became a blowtorch, so to speak. To the point of being aggressive. Not physically, no, verbally. I could express myself strongly, so to speak. As adults often do, a number of people who did not know how to deal with it did their utmost to ram it out. Successfully. I learned to keep my mouth shut. But then suddenly it came back. I dared to stand up for something again. Doing the things I liked.
I found my fire and that fire is so important! That fire is a zest for life and when it burns you want to do business again, think for yourself and dare to go on an adventure.
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