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The dating rules have changed. Where men used to be at the door with a bunch of flowers, women can now arrange their own transportation. A romantic candlelit dinner followed by a movie at the cinema? The typical first date from the 80s movies has been replaced by a glass of wine at her home, under the name Netflix and chill . Everything is different and that also applies to kissing on the first date.
Is it okay to kiss on the first date? No one seems to agree. While dating has evolved thanks to the many dating apps, some advice has remained the same – as if time has stood still. Outdated dating rules that are still being spread today are causing confusion all around. Is it okay to kiss on the first date?
Never kiss on the first date?
One of the rules from the era of black and white television is ‘never kiss on the first date’. It used to be a rule that everyone took into account. The sexual revolution followed, women’s emancipation increased and moral values ​​changed with the times. But not this advice. Although some people still cling to this outdated rule, it is no longer the standard today. No kissing on the first date when the sparks are flying? It is almost unthinkable now.
To kiss or not to kiss?
Kissing on the first date is no longer the forbidden fruit. It is the most normal thing in the world. Where people used to go on a blind date with someone recommended by a family member, you have now spent days browsing through social media profiles. You have chatted, texted and probably shared many photos. In other words: you already know your date well before you look him or her in the eye for the first time.
Kissing is one of the realistic options if it is fun and you like your date, thanks to this new dating world. However, it does not mean that kissing is always and on every first date . It is an option, not an obligation. So the question is no longer whether a kiss is allowed on the first date, but when and how?
When to kiss?
Unless it’s badly timed or the other person doesn’t want it, kissing on the first date isn’t bad or inappropriate. It’s all about there being some level of attraction and both you and the other person being ready. Here are some situations where you can kiss.
1. There is attraction from both sides
You’ve known each other for a while and you’ve secretly liked each other for a long time. The first date is the inevitable result of a long period of longing for each other. After holding back for so long, it’s time to finally kiss.
2. It feels good
Sometimes you can’t put it into words, but it just feels good to move your lips to someone else’s. You don’t think about rejection; it’s not an option. You know you’re going to kiss and that the other person is going to join in.
3. It was the perfect date
The first date turns into a long conversation that lasts until late at night. You’ve moved from small talk to deep topics ; kissing is the logical step after making yourself vulnerable.
4. The sexual chemistry is intense
During the date, you touch each other and vice versa. You tease each other and every time your eyes meet, the sexual tension erupts. As a natural instinct, you feel that the kiss is inevitable.
5. You would never forgive yourself
You are on a date with a 10/10 who is way above your normal level. If you can ever kiss someone this beautiful, it will be this first date. This is your moment to remember forever. You go for it.
When not to kiss?
Kissing on the first date is not mandatory. If you don’t feel the connection or you are irritated by the voice, then there is no one to judge you if you don’t want to kiss. These are situations when it is acceptable not to kiss.
1. Your date still feels like a stranger
The moment of the first meeting was only an hour ago. You haven’t spoken at length on the dating app and are still getting to know each other. If you’ve only just met, you might not be comfortable enough yet .
2. You are unsure about your interest
You’re not sure if you want to date this person again. Or the person looked a little better in the pictures or you think you ‘re dealing with a player ; the doubts are enough to put off the kiss.
3. You see no future in it
Sometimes you know from the moment you shake hands that it’s not going to work out. Out of politeness, you stay seated and endure the date so you don’t drop out right away. If you know it’s not going to work out, kissing is the last thing on your mind.
4. The right moment never comes
You meet in a restaurant to have a bite to eat. It’s a nice evening that actually deserves a kiss to end it. When you leave the restaurant it’s very busy. The goodbye between you and your date takes place among dozens of bystanders. As much as you want it, this is not the right moment to enjoy the first kiss.
5. You doubt whether your date wants it
Your date seems to be having fun, laughing at your jokes and asking questions to get to know you . Yet there are no signs that your date really likes you. The mixed signals make you doubt whether the other person will be standing in front of you with his lips pursed.
The moment of truth
There are situations where everything goes smoothly and the moment comes naturally. These are the situations that are easy to read because they ride the wave of excitement, as if it happens to be the right moment for both of them. But this is not always the case.
In practice, the first kiss on a date is often a complex situation full of uncertainties. It is the safe option not to kiss, but if you don’t gamble, you can’t win. The exciting moment of saying goodbye may have been haunting you since the first eye contact. How do I plan it? Do I walk with the other person? When can I try? What if the other person doesn’t want it?
A kiss that is never tasted, is forever and ever wasted.
For men and women, the scenarios of the first kiss are already floating around in their minds early on in the date. The first kiss haunts your mind the entire date. But when the moment finally arrives, you lack courage and perseverance. The mixed signals and doubtful looks, combined with your own indecisiveness and hesitation, make you forget to enjoy the moment.
10 Signs a Man Wants to Kiss
Although you can never be sure if the other person wants to kiss, there are some signs that give it away. For example, these are signs that a man wants to kiss:
- He sits as close to you as possible.
- He comes closer to you.
- He touches you every chance he gets.
- He openly flirts with you.
- It reflects your movements.
- He makes extra long eye contact.
- He puts an arm around you.
- He seems nervous.
- He doesn’t move when you come closer
- He looks at your lips.
Men and women use body language and behavior to show whether or not they want it. Do you feel that the other person finds you attractive? Then there is a good chance that a kiss will be returned.
Does this mean you should always kiss? Not at all. If you don’t know whether a kiss is expected or reciprocated, you can always wait until the second date . The last thing you want is a Matrix-style deflection because your gut feeling was off.
A missed opportunity is better than wasting your chances. It doesn’t hurt to make your date long for that first kiss a little longer; maybe they’ll want it even more.
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Highlight: the farewell
At the end of the date, it’s time to say goodbye. If you haven’t kissed yet, now’s the time to try. Whatever you do and whoever you do it with, the first kiss on a first date often happens during goodbye.
The first kiss happens, for example, while you are walking to the car, to the train or standing in front of the door. This is still the moment when most singles kiss each other, if there is kissing on the first date. The end of the date is perfect; you have had enough time to feel how things are going.
For example, you have agreed to have a bite to eat, pay the bill and take your date to the car. When saying goodbye, you take your chance and collect the loot.
How to tackle it: men
As a man, you are expected to take the initiative. It is not anti-feminist to think like this; women usually want this too. The risk of being rejected has therefore traditionally been borne by the man. But it is a risk that is more than worth it.
The risky moments leading up to the first kiss are characterized by the many opportunities for embarrassment. How do you go about giving that first kiss with minimal risk?
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Tactic 1
You may be anxious to get it over with as quickly as possible, but that’s not the best approach. Move toward your date for a hug and give her a soft kiss on the cheek. As you give her a kiss on the cheek, slowly move back to distance yourself—as if in slow motion. Keep your face close to her lips for as long as possible to see if she wants to kiss.
Does she turn her face toward you? Or does the distance widen? If her face turns toward you, you know what to do. If she turns her head quickly away, you know her lips remain uncharted territory. This simple tactic can help you decipher at the very last moment whether a kiss is desired.
Tactic 2
The second kissing tactic for men is simple. You lean your body slightly towards her and depending on what she does, you either kiss her or pull away. This is a tactic you can use when you are talking to each other, sitting or standing. Wait for the right moment, for example when a story is coming to an end, and then lean slightly towards her and then look at her. Her reaction tells you what to do:
- If she pulls away she is not ready for a kiss. You don’t get rejected because you didn’t go for the kiss.
- If she looks down shyly but doesn’t move away, then you can try it.
- If she leans toward you too, don’t hesitate; you can kiss.
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How to tackle it: women
Women can use the same tactics as men, but it is often assumed that the man will make the move. This is how you as a woman can make it clear what you want.
Not interested
Not interested in a kiss? Then take the initiative to make it clear that it is not wanted. This will prevent you from having to limbo dance, while you may not be that flexible. Keep your distance as the date comes to an end and extend your hand to thank your date. This is the signal that provides clarity; there will be no kissing today.
Yes interested
Are you interested in a kiss? Make sure you make it clear that you are open to it. You don’t have to say it, or take the risk yourself; just move closer to him and hope for the best. As a rule, it helps if you don’t say anything for a while, look at him and smile. It has to be clear to him that you are open to it.
What kind of kiss to give
Finally, the answer to the question of what kind of kiss to give; a ‘normal’ kiss on the mouth or a French kiss? In most cases, you are best off with a normal kiss . Getting a slippery tongue pushed into your mouth, while you expect a sweet kiss, is not fun. A passionate French kiss on the first date might also be a bit too much of a good thing.
A soft kiss of about three seconds will not do anyone an injustice. If you kiss much shorter, it will seem like a friendly kiss, like kissing your mother. A kiss that is too long is uncomfortable. A romantic kiss of a few seconds will do the trick. Moreover, it is only the first kiss, a stepping stone to more.
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6 Coastal Tips for the First Date
Are you expecting to kiss at the end of the date? Then of course you want the kiss to be special for both of you. How do you do that? What is the perfect kiss for the first date?
The perfect kiss will leave an indelible impression. Knowing how to kiss and how to approach it is therefore very important. Here are some simple tips that can help you make it memorable.
1. Go to a quiet place
If you want to kiss at the end or during the date, you need a good location. A quiet place with few to no spectators works best. This makes you both feel at ease. You can also sense better whether the other is ready. If you have agreed to meet in a restaurant, you can ask to take a short walk after dinner. This gives you the opportunity to find a suitable place for the first kiss.
2. Reduce the distance
In order to kiss, you need to get into a position where you are looking the other person straight in the face. You can do this while standing still or sitting next to each other. Then, reduce the distance between you and the other person a little. By moving closer or moving your head closer, you show that you are interested in the other person. It is the classic way to make an attempt to kiss.
If the other person takes more distance, then you know it is too early. The interest in kissing does not apply to the other person or the other person is not yet ready for this form of intimacy.
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3. Smile, say nothing and make eye contact
Once you have come closer without any problems, it is time to take the step: the invitation for a kiss. A smile, the silence and the eye contact create the perfect moment for the first kiss. Again, if the other person distances himself during this step, he or she is not ready yet.
4. Be relaxed
It is normal to feel nervous when you kiss someone for the first time. It is important to relax and focus on the kiss. By not letting yourself get distracted, you will show more confidence and be in full control of what you are doing.
5. Kiss slowly and passionately
If you are kissing for the first time, a slow kiss without tongue is best. This shows that you are mature. A slightly open mouth is normal. If you notice that the other person is open to a French kiss, you can try it. Don’t do it too fast, but slowly, so that you can sense whether the other person is ready for it.
6. Feel the moment
The first kiss is exciting and determining when to kiss can be difficult. Don’t think about it too much, but let it happen ‘unconsciously’. When the moment is there, you will notice it automatically. Use your feelings to determine the moment. Whatever you do, make sure you don’t force it. Better no kiss than a misplaced kiss at an inappropriate moment. If it doesn’t work out one time, there will always be a second chance.
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