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A breakup, divorce, living apart, alimony and everything that comes with it: as a single parent you have your fair share of worries. Even if you continue to share parenting and remain friends with your ex , parenting is not an easy task. Combine parenting with dating and it gets a little more complicated.
As a parent, you know what the consequences are for your love life. You bring new life into the world and from that moment on, nothing is the same. The rest of your life you spend your life on the life you brought into the world; something that is sometimes difficult for those who do not have children to understand.
Not only can you face misunderstandings about your priorities, different wishes of your children, there are also singles who reject all single parents in advance. These are the typical struggles that dating parents can face.
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Exclusion of single parents
When it comes to dating, the title of single parent is like smoking or drug use. Either they don’t mind it at all, or they are vehemently against it. It’s either yes or no , there’s almost never a middle ground.
The singles who refuse to date people with children have different reasons for doing so. Some have had bad experiences dating single parents. Others do not want to be stepparents and would rather avoid the possibility of a difficult relationship with stepchildren.
In addition, there are also singles who are looking for someone without children, because in the future they can both invest 100% in their joint child. And there are also single parents who do not want to date other parents, because they find the challenge of a large blended family too challenging.
Most singles who are active on dating apps have a few things on their list of requirements that are not up for discussion. A partner with children can be on that list. Is that bad? No, it’s okay. But it’s no reason to hide the fact that you’re a parent.
Children as a dealbreaker
You are aware that children are a dealbreaker for many singles. Unless they already have a child (or more) of their own, they would rather go for someone who does not have children yet. Understandably, it makes everything a lot easier. But just because it can be a dealbreaker, it is not a reason to hide your parenthood. Because let’s be honest: would you want to date someone who considers your beloved child(ren) a dealbreaker?
Nee.
Parenthood is not something you can hide for a while, like a snoring problem or sleepwalking. With such problems you hope that they will accept it, once they have seen all your good qualities. Having children is not one of those problems. Children are not one of the flaws that people accept when they start a relationship with someone.
Just because kids can be a dealbreaker for some singles, it’s wise to separate the wheat from the chaff early on. You’ll save yourself time and everyone else who will never be your partner. You won’t scare off all the singles by letting your parental status shine through in your profile. You’ll only scare off the singles who aren’t interested in singles with kids.
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As early as possible: in your profile
By revealing that you have children in your profile text , you may get fewer matches and fewer messages… but you will get better matches and messages from more qualified candidates. Proportionally, you will get a lot more approaches from singles who could be good for you: singles who know they are going to be in contact with a single parent.
Many parents will mention the fact that they have children in their online dating profiles for this reason, or sometimes even sign up for sites that specifically cater to single parents. Telling them early on that you have children can make things easier, because the truth is out there from the start.
- No awkward conversations to worry about.
- No doubts about when to tell.
- There is no chance that the other person would have wanted to know ‘earlier’.
- No more wasted time on dates that lead nowhere.
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As early as possible: in the first conversation
Are you required to be completely open in your profile? Of course not. If you don’t want to mention it in your profile – which is also okay – you can tell it in the first conversation you have. Because if your goal is a serious relationship, you want to know as soon as possible whether that person likes children, enjoys playing with them and is open to dating a single parent .
While it should be a topic of conversation during the first conversation, that doesn’t mean you have to tell someone you have a child in the first 30 seconds. Yes, having a child is a major commitment and part of who you are. But while parenting takes a lot of time and energy, it’s not everything you do or who you are.
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When is it too late?
Fear of rejection is not a valid reason not to tell them you have a child. Maybe they don’t want it, maybe they do: the point is that they need to know before they invest a piece of themselves in the contact. That can be feelings, but also time, energy or money. It is unfair to keep silent about children to those who are not open to it.
In addition, not telling something is technically not much different than lying. If you have not mentioned that you are a parent even once during the contact, the other person may interpret that as lying.
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When not to tell is allowed
If you are looking for a one night stand or something that is not meant to be long term, does it matter that you have a child? The answer is no. Since this person will never meet your children, it does not matter at all whether you tell them you have children or not. Talking about it is okay, showing pictures is okay, but if you don’t want to? You don’t have to.
If you arrange to have sex, it is up to you whether you tell your sex partner that you are a parent. If both you and the other person know that it is not serious, you are not obligated to tell everything about your life. Just as your sex partner does not need to know your middle name, they do not need to know that you have hired a babysitter that evening. For all other situations: tell them as soon as possible, before it is too late.
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