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Be honest: what things do you keep hidden from your partner? It turns out that quite a lot of people keep something secret from their partner. And no, we are not immediately talking about an affair . We’re talking about the everyday things you do but don’t tell your partner, like eating a cookie while you’re on a diet and having a purchase delivered when your partner isn’t home. These small, innocent secrets that you keep hidden from your partner can be good for your relationship, according to research from the University of Connecticut.
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Little secrets?
Whether you order something online and hide the package when it arrives or place a bet on your favorite football team without telling them, it turns out that a lot of people do this. But according to recent research published in the Journal of Consumer Psychology , these relatively innocent secrets have a different effect on relationships than the not-so-innocent secrets – like having an affair. They appear to have a beneficial effect. You read that correctly: little secrets that you keep hidden from your partner can benefit your relationship.
“In our survey, we find that 90% of people have recently kept a secret from a close friend or spouse,” said Danielle J. Brick, one of the researchers. “What’s interesting is that even though most of these secret acts are very common, they can still affect the relationship.”
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Secret purchases popular
Together with her colleagues, Brick conducted five studies to investigate the influence of small relationship secrets. They asked both partners in a relationship about their secret consumption habits and collected even more data through hypothetical examples and scenarios.
Most participants indicated that the best description of their ‘secret consumption’ was a physical product (65%). This was followed by experiences (12%) and services (10%). Regarding the products purchased without their partner’s knowledge, food or drink (40%) was mentioned most often, followed by clothing, jewelry or a hobby (10%), a gift or donation (8%) and a health -, beauty or wellness product (6.3%). Based on the results, the researchers came to a remarkable conclusion.
They discovered that a secret purchase can result in feelings of guilt for those keeping the secret – no matter how small the secret is. And that causes them to invest more money or time in their relationship . Ultimately, this results in a positive outcome for the relationship or friendship. “Who would have thought that a secret chocolate stash could be good for your relationship?” says Brick.
To date, researchers have mainly focused on the impact of big secrets, such as hiding trauma or an extramarital affair . As everyone knows, these generally have a negative impact on the relationship. But that does not apply to the more innocent secrets that we all keep from our partners.
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