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There is something magical about a secret relationship. It is exciting and seductive, passionate and tempestuous. The fact that no one knows about it makes it even better. It adds fuel to the fire. But is it worth the risk?
In the beginning, a secret relationship can feel mysterious. You feel the tension as you bend over backwards to avoid detection. Dates at local bars and restaurants are out of the question, and dates are held in the deepest secrecy and in places no one knows about. Your secret partner gets a different name on your phone, so no one knows who you’re texting 24/7.
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Do you want to keep your relationship a secret?
It can be a challenge to keep the world around you in the dark. It’s no small feat to lead a double life. No one can guarantee that it will never be discovered, which forces you to always be on your guard. But… it is possible.
Why keep it a secret?
Keeping a relationship a secret is not something you do lightly. Most people have a very good reason for doing so. More often than not, those who keep their relationship a secret face dangers. Discovery of the relationship can lead to arguments, financial problems, dismissal or some other major fiasco. And that is why they keep the relationship hidden from the outside world.
Celebrities are known for keeping their new relationships secret to avoid paparazzi, rumors and gossip. For example, Katie Holmes had been dating Jamie Foxx since 2013, but she never confirmed or made it “official.” The couple was only seen together once in 4 years holding hands. In 2017 it became clear why she had kept the relationship a secret for years.
“Everyone has three lives: a public life, a private life, and a secret life.” – Gabriel García Márquez
Holmes hid her relationship with Foxx because of her divorce settlement with Tom Cruise, RadarOnline revealed . Katie’s divorce from the Mission Impossible star officially banned her from dating other men. Katie signed a clause that prohibited her from being seen publicly with another man for five years after the divorce.
Now, we are not divorce lawyers who can analyze the fine print of the clause. And we don’t know if such a clause would hold up in court. But chances are Holmes had little choice. She had to keep her relationship a secret to protect herself from the (financial) consequences. And like Holmes, many others have their own reasons for keeping a relationship secret. But how do you do that?
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For everyone
In general, keeping a relationship a secret can be quite difficult. However, limiting your interactions in public and exercising discretion can go a long way. Here are tips on how to keep your secret relationship status under wraps.
1. Don’t take photos together
It’s tempting to want to take pictures of your time together, but that’s one of the worst things you can do. Photos are visual evidence of your relationship; there’s no better proof. And you don’t want those photos to fall into someone else’s hands.
2. Don’t meet in public
It limits the relationship and it is questionable how long you can keep this up, but it is crucial if you do not want to be discovered.
3. Change the name in your phone
No one has their phone with them every second of the day. In those moments when you’re not paying attention, someone else might see a text from your loved one.
Pro tip : Choose a name that matches the same gender as you.
4. Keep your background neutral
A picture of your secret partner as your phone background? Please , don’t do it.
5. Don’t tell anyone
Not your friends, not your family, no one. It’s the only guarantee you have that you won’t be cheated on.
6. Never talk about your partner
What the heart is full of, the mouth overflows. And what comes out of the mouth unconsciously can easily reveal the relationship.
7. Don’t take risks
Of course, you want to have a real date at some point. But if you want to keep your relationship a secret, that’s not an option: avoid risks.
8. Spend time with others
If you only hang out with each other, people will suspect that you are back together. And that is all it takes for rumors to start going around.
9. Don’t stare at each other all the time
Don’t spend the entire time staring at your partner or try to make eye contact all the time . Others who are in the same room will notice it.
10. Don’t show affection
You want to hold each other’s hands, but these are the small gestures of affection that others will notice. So make sure there is no affection or intimacy between you in front of others.
11. Don’t show your emotions
Keep your emotions under control in public. Even if someone flirts with your partner, you can’t do anything about it. If you want to keep it a secret, that is.
12. Don’t post anything on social media
It is easy for people to take screenshots and it can end up with the wrong person.
13. Don’t change your relationship status on social media
Even if you don’t share your new relationship status with others, there will be smart people who will take a look at your private information. And they will see that you are in a relationship.
14. Don’t tag each other all the time
Avoid tagging the other person in messages, reactions and comments. Others will notice that you have contact via social media. So don’t talk about each other in the virtual world where others can read along.
15. Have a story ready
” Where have you been? ” If you have to make something up on the spot, chances are it won’t be exactly believable after 10 seconds of silence. So come up with a story in advance in case someone asks.
16. Get someone to cover you
In case of secrecy from your parents, it can help to inform a friend about your relationship. They can help hide the relationship and provide an alibi when needed.
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For your employer
The workplace is a hotbed for relationships. During the week, you probably spend most of your time with colleagues and sometimes flirting happens. Colleagues flirt innocently with each other, but also not-so-innocently. And sometimes it gets a bit out of hand, causing you to suddenly find yourself in a secret relationship.
Although having a relationship with a colleague is not prohibited by law, it can have a negative impact on your career. It is a gray area, especially in the beginning: when do you inform your employer? When you meet for the first time outside of work hours, after three dates, or when you are sure it will become a relationship?
If you choose the latter option, you don’t want to make the relationship public right away. And that means that you have to keep the relationship secret from your employer (for the time being). A few tips:
17. Don’t bring your private things to work
Had a fight or disagreement? Colleagues may start to notice that you are not talking to each other, even though you normally do.
18. Keep physical contact at work to a minimum
Colleagues and managers quickly notice when two love birds are flying around the department. This also means that secret meetings in the printing room are over.
19. Ensure there is no conflict of interest
Keep work and private life separate. Do not talk to each other about private matters at work, or about work outside working hours.
Pro tip : Read your company’s code of conduct.
20. Do not report sick on the same day (or at the same time).
It stands out and is a reason for colleagues to gossip.
21. Agree not to text each other during working hours
A colleague who, out of the corner of an eye, sees an app coming in on your phone from… another colleague. You can guess where this leads.
22. Don’t use your work phone
Suppose the telephone needs to be repaired and the handy office Harry can solve it. There is a chance that the private conversations you had will no longer be private from that moment on.
23. Don’t suddenly work overtime often
Especially if you do it at the same time to see each other more often and for longer.
24. Do not give benefits to the subordinate
If one of you is a supervisor – or if there is an unequal position – treat the subordinate the same as others.
25. Don’t send each other love emails
It’s tempting to flirt through your work email, but if it goes through the company’s servers, that’s not a smart idea.
Pro tip : Both of you create a completely new email address.
26. Don’t show affection at work
Colleagues and managers see everything. While you think a post-it with a heart would go unnoticed, these are the very things that make the relationship known in the workplace.
27. Try to separate working hours
To avoid problems, it is wise for both of you to work at different times – if possible.
28. Act normally
Again, colleagues are quick to notice when something changes, so don’t change your behavior (or energy) when you meet at work.
29. Don’t arrive and leave at the same time
Try not to arrive or leave together, as this can arouse suspicion among colleagues. It also prevents you from giving each other a quick kiss.
30. Come up with better gossip
Suppress all gossip about your secret relationship with even better gossip. Be ruthless if you want to save your own skin.
ALSO READ: Couples Have More in Common Than We Think’
For your partner
It’s easier than ever to find an affair, but also easier than ever to get caught. Technology makes it possible to make your Second Love profile live in an instant, while the same technology leaves evidence in your internet browser. Do you have a secret relationship with someone else and do you want to keep it hidden from your partner? Then you don’t want to get caught. The tips that can help you with this:
31. Always log out
Always erase your tracks after using a website, email or other means of communication. In the case of websites and apps, this means logging out when you stop. You don’t want to stay logged in to an account that has all sorts of traces of cheating.
32. Erase (partially) the history
Everything you do on the internet is stored in your browser history. Obviously, this is a place where suspicious partners will snoop around if they don’t trust you. So make it a habit to clear your browser history every time you do something you don’t want your partner to know about.
Pro tip : don’t clear the entire history, just the suspicious websites.
33. Use the web browser’s ‘incognito’ mode
Instead of clearing the history every time, you can also use “private browsing” so that you never leave any evidence behind. Commonly used web browsers such as Chrome, Safari and Firefox can all be used without leaving any evidence on the computer.
Pro tip : Victoria Milan has a panic button , in case you almost get caught.
34. Have contact in one way
It’s easy to cover your tracks if you only have one way of contact. Only had email contact? Delete your email and the evidence is gone. But what if you have contact on WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger, email and Twitter at the same time? Then it becomes a lot more work to delete everything quickly.
35. Use a new email address
Register a new email address that will only be used to communicate with the person you are having an affair (or flirting) with. Do not use this email address for anything else, except for signing up for a dating site like Second Love .
36. Delete all messages continuously
Don’t leave evidence lying around in apps and emails. Delete all messages you send and receive.
37. Lock your smartphone
If you don’t yet use an access code, fingerprint or facial recognition, you now have a good reason to do so. This completely excludes unwanted access by your partner. Come up with a credible reason why you suddenly do that.
38. Make sure your secret love knows the risks
What you don’t want is for your secret love to break the rules of confidentiality. That’s why it’s important to discuss the risks and explain why confidentiality is so important.
39. Go for ‘moment’, not for life
Affairs can never be sustained for long without being caught. After a while you start to play by the rules and run a greater risk of being caught.
40. Pay in cash
A dinner with your second love? Pay in cash to leave no paper trail. Make sure there are no questionable expenses that your partner can ask questions about.
ALSO READ: 114 Best Date Ideas for First, Second and More Dates
41. Don’t tell anyone
The smaller the group of people who know about the affair , the less likely your partner will find out.
42. Make up a simple story
Don’t make it more complicated than it already is: come up with a story that is as close to the truth as possible. It helps to remain credible and you remember it better.
43. Don’t use your smartphone more often
Suddenly you can no longer keep away from your smartphone. You text constantly and when your partner walks in, you quickly put the phone away. If you don’t want to get caught, don’t use your smartphone more often. And certainly not mysterious at all.
44. Stay away from home
Never, ever meet at your own home. It’s the fastest way to get caught . If not by your partner, then by nosy neighbors.
45. Come up with a plan B
Even if you follow all the tips that should prevent your partner from smelling a rat, it is possible that you will be confronted with the facts. And when that happens, you better have a good explanation in the form of a plan B.
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