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No one likes an awkward silence in the middle of a conversation. And yet, we’ve all experienced it. Some embrace the pause and take a good look at their conversation partner, while others become anxious and embarrassed. If keeping a conversation going isn’t your strong suit, you probably cringe at the thought of such an awkward silence.
Whether it happens on a date, on Tinder , WhatsApp or during a casual meeting, silences in conversations are never completely avoidable. Sometimes it can happen that you run out of topics to talk about. If this happens to you, don’t worry – it’s completely normal.
Many people have trouble starting a conversation. But even more people have trouble keeping a conversation going. The threshold to approach someone is already high, but once they have started, they still stumble over the threshold – that is when they run out of topics and become aware of the lack of conversation material. The dreaded awkward silence follows and the entire social interaction is ruined.
Wouldn’t it be great if there was a way to always have something to say? While a lull in a conversation is okay, with one conversation technique you can have an almost endless conversation. It may take some practice, but with this technique you can use anything someone else says to keep the conversation going. We’re talking about conversation threading , a technique for never being at a loss for words in a conversation.
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Wat is conversation threading?
Conversation threading is a conversation technique that allows you to continue a conversation without feeling like one of the people is ‘carrying’ the conversation. Some will recognize the technique from chat apps , mailboxes and online forums, because that is what the technique is based on. The technique shows that you can take in everything another person says to you and then make a question or comment about it.
Every conversation starts with a thread : a topic, suggestion or idea. It is the common thread of the conversation that can be anything. From work and hobbies to family, news and television. With conversation threading, you start with the first sentence to find all possible threads you can respond to. Which threads you discover and find interesting enough to continue determines the direction the conversation will take.
Without realizing it, the technique of conversation threading is a common occurrence in many conversations people have every day. They just don’t know it has that name. Let’s take this example:
“Last weekend I was cycling in the Ardennes with Michelle.”
At first glance, a perfectly normal sentence. But if you take the sentence apart and analyze the words, you will immediately come across multiple threads. These are last weekend, Michelle, cycling, and Ardennes. You can use each of these threads to steer the conversation in a different direction or to deepen it. Take these examples of responses:
- Last weekend: “I thought you always worked on the weekends.”
- Michelle: “I haven’t seen Michelle in a long time! Is she still so fanatical about sports?”
- Cycling: “Can you still cycle well with your knee?”
- Ardennes: “Wow, that must have been a wonderful experience there in nature.”
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As these threads show, you can ask more questions based on each thread. Or, if the answer spawns new threads, switch to another comment or question. And based on what you add, new threads can also be created from the words that come out of your own mouth.
Conversation threading is a natural and organized way to keep a conversation going. So if you ever find yourself at a loss for words on a first date , you can mentally pull out the threads of the conversation and continue on them. At least, when you absolutely do not want to have a lull in the conversation. The technique is especially useful because it follows the main thread of the conversation, but still offers some flexibility to steer the conversation in a certain direction.
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Saving the conversation
No matter how hard you try to discover all the threads, there will always be a moment when a silence is approaching. And when that happens, it is important to realize that conversations also need pauses. However, when the silence lasts just a little too long – and you don’t want to stop the conversation – it is time to throw out a lifeline. How do you do that? That too will not be unfamiliar to you, because this technique is also used in almost all daily conversations.
The best way to avoid silence is the transition sentence. Based on the threads you have stored in your internal memory, you come up with a transition sentence that changes the topic to an already existing – but not exhausted – topic. Here are examples of transition sentences that you can use in conversations:
- “By the way, you were just talking about…”
- “What I haven’t told you yet…”
- “Something completely different…”
- “About what you said earlier…”
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Transition phrases not only help you keep a good conversation going, they also show that you’re actually listening to what the other person has to say. Conversations usually follow a common thread, but they’re rarely linear. If you hit a dead end in the thread, you can go back to something that was said in passing. Hook into it and the conversation is moving again.
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