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Traditionally, January is a popular month to file for divorce . For lawyers and mediators, the first month of the new year is a period of peak activity. While unhappy couples leave the annoying holidays behind, they soon find themselves in the notorious January slump. And if your relationship is not going so well, you are not dealing with Blue Monday , but with Blue January .
A new Year a new start?
For many couples this month it is make or break: do we continue or do we call it a day? Reason enough to scour the internet for advice about relationship troubles and ways to save the relationship . But can it still be saved?
If you’ve noticed that the spark in your relationship isn’t glowing as brightly anymore, it doesn’t have to mean the end. The feeling that the ‘spark has gone’ increases your concerns about the relationship, but it does not give you insight into the current state of the relationship. That’s why a professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey, Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. , has developed a 10-question quiz.
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How is your relationship going?
Your answers can help you see if your relationship is in a rut or if, despite your concerns, things are going pretty well overall. The test, which first appeared in The New York Times in 2010 , asks a series of questions that are each designed to reveal where your relationship is going.
All you have to do is answer each question and rate it between 1 (very little) and 7 (very much). Then add up the total and see at the bottom what the total score means. Finished?
- Does being with your partner result in new experiences?
- When you are with your partner, do you feel more aware of things because of him or her?
- Does your partner increase your ability to accomplish new things?
- Does your partner help improve your sense of who you are?
- Do you see your partner as a way to improve yourself?
- Do your partner’s strengths compensate for your own weaknesses?
- Do you think you have a greater perspective on things because of your partner?
- Has being with your partner led to learning new things?
- Has knowing your partner made you a better person?
- Does your partner increase your knowledge?
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What is the total score?
The 10 questions show whether you can develop yourself in the relationship and whether it meets a desire for improvement, which Dr. Lewandowski says is vital to maintaining a satisfying relationship . Here’s what your total score means:
45 or less
Bad news: This is an indication that you and your partner have a “low connection.” The relationship isn’t expanding your worldview or making you feel better about yourself because of it. While this isn’t ideal, it doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. Instead, use this score as a wake-up call to try new things with your partner, whether that’s micro-dating , date nights , or exploring sexual fantasies .
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45 to 60
Not bad, but not great either. You and your partner have a ‘moderately exciting’ relationship, which is a good thing. Maybe you’ve been in a relationship for a long time and you take each other for granted or you’re in the phase where the kids are still small. Once upon a time, the relationship was super exciting and challenging, but then you got into the daily routine of a steady relationship: it’s actually quite normal. But maybe it’s time to work on your relationship before it goes wrong.
60 or more
Perfect. This is the overall score everyone hopes for: an indication of a ‘very developed’ relationship. But it is also a score that few couples achieve. If you’ve been in a relationship for a while and still get these kinds of high scores, you can pat yourself on the back. The relationship clearly fulfills your needs and being with your partner makes your life significantly better. Enjoy it.
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