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Finally you were convinced that you had found the right partner. Yet you start to doubt more and more often. He doesn’t always speak out and doesn’t like to talk about you. Does he have another? Or is he okay with a superficial relationship? With the emphasis in your relationship mainly on sex? Chances are, these signs indicate it ‘s not a real relationship .
No matter how much you are in love with him, maybe it is better to let him go. Of course, you can’t turn a blind eye to everything. There is a limit.
Is he using you?
If you are asking yourself if he is using you, there is probably something wrong in your relationship. These doubts indicate problems. What you feel is a signal that something is wrong. And if you notice that he wants to keep the relationship superficial, then you may well ask yourself why he is doing that. Is he using you? And if he is, why?
…multiple women
There are several reasons why someone would want to take advantage of your kindness. This way he could get a kick out of the attention. It may be that he likes to receive attention from (several) women, but does not have any obligations. This way he can play multiple women at the same time .
So pay attention to whether you are the only one for him , or whether he also seeks his attention from other women. A man who is not satisfied with the attention of one woman is often not serious.
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…sex
If it’s not for attention, he could be using you for sex. For many women this is a major concern, because many men ( fuckboys ) care about nothing more than that. Of course sex is important within a relationship, but is it still good if everything revolves around it? Probably not. There should be a healthy balance between your sex life and emotional bond. Sexual attraction alone is not enough for a good relationship.
…money
He can also stay with you because of your money. Is he not yet very serious about life and is he not busy saving? Maybe he’ll stay with you for the money. Have you noticed that he doesn’t pay for you often? But you for him? Then let him do that.
Do not propose to pay and wait until he makes the cut or makes a proposal. Does he no longer need to know anything about you if you stop paying? Then he’s probably only with you for the money.
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The helicopter view
If you’re wondering if he’s using you, try using the helicopter view. The helicopter view means that you try to view your own situation from afar. Just like a helicopter, you fly above an area. This way you can see that area better than if you were standing in the middle of this area.
It’s the same with your relationship. Try to look at it from a different perspective. How would you feel if a man were to act like that towards another woman? What advice would you give her? This way you can find out what his real intentions are.
You are of course involved in the situations yourself. Your feelings can make you blind to him; love is blind , as they say. You only see the positive sides and accept all the negative things. Still, it is important to stand up for yourself.
Look at it from a different angle and turn off your emotions when thinking about these things. Judge his behavior without your feelings playing a role. That way you can find out if he really wants you or is just using you for other purposes.
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5 Signs He’s Using You
In the helicopter view you could take several things into account. For example, you could ask yourself questions about whether he is using you. Does he mainly make you insecure? Are you not his priority? Are you mainly the giver, and is he the taker? Does he ever threaten to leave you? Does he keep the relationship with you a secret from others? And is your relationship mainly about sex?
If you can answer yes to most of these questions, it is very clear that he is using you. Here are 5 signs that he is using you.
1. He makes you insecure
Insecurity is common in relationships. Yet this form of insecurity is the worst: Is he as in love with you as you are with him? Is he also busy with other women? This insecurity does not give you a good feeling. Someone who would go through fire for you should not give you this feeling.
You should get the feeling that you are perfect just the way you are. He doesn’t have much to say about you and appreciates you as a person. Do you often doubt his intentions and does this make you insecure? Then this is a big signal that he is using you. In addition to the uncertainty about whether he is serious about you , there is also another uncertainty. He always has comments about you.
Imagine this: you worked all day, while he had today off. He comes to visit you tonight. You decide to cook for him after your long day at work. Somehow he notices something about the food again. It doesn’t taste good or he suddenly isn’t hungry. A man who is really into you will always appreciate this gesture , even if he doesn’t like it. Can you never do it right for him? Then something is wrong.
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2. You are not his priority
An important signal to find out whether he is using you is to see how quickly he answers your messages. Does he often only respond to your messages a few hours or even a few days later, while you have responded a maximum of an hour later? Then you know that you are not his biggest priority.
Of course, he may also have to work and be busy with other things. Yet you can often sense whether he has no time or whether he is simply spending his time on other things.
You also notice more and more often that he has a lot planned. Do you want to meet up with him again? Then this can only happen in a few weeks. In the coming period he has already planned all sorts of things with his ‘friends’. Does this happen? Then the alarm bells should definitely go off.
A man who is sincere with you and wants to be with you will also make time for you. If he only wants to see you when he needs you, this is a big alarm bell.
“We don’t give to get, we get to give.” ― R. Alan Woods
3. You give, he takes
In principle, a relationship should revolve around both feelings. Give and take are both important. Sometimes you give him something as a gift, or you do something extra for him. Other times he goes all out with an overnight stay or has planned a romantic evening . It should come from both sides. Do you notice that you are mainly the giver, and he doesn’t mind taking at all? Then there is a good chance that he is using you.
You also notice that you are always there for him when he has problems. But where is he when you’re having a bad day? Precisely. He’s nowhere to be seen. A man who really cares for you will also be there for you in those moments.
4. He threatens to leave you more often
Does he often threaten to leave you? Then there is only one reason for this: he is not afraid of losing you. A guy who likes to be with you will do everything he can not to lose you. In contrast, a guy who uses you won’t really care. He probably has several women to fall back on if things don’t go well with you.
He will therefore make little effort to stay with you. A characteristic sentence is: “If you don’t want it, why don’t you just leave?” This way he can easily get his way, because you don’t want to lose him.
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5. He keeps your secret
A man who likes to take you to his friends’ nights or family is a man who cares about you . Do you never go anywhere else than to his or your home? Then this is a sign that he is using you.
Of course it is nice to stay at home together, but this cannot be the case every week. For him, your relationship is mainly about sex. Ask him to go to a restaurant together or visit his family. Isn’t he excited about that? Then you already know enough.
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