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As soon as you reach puberty you develop sexual feelings. You fall in love for the first time and may have your first sexual experiences. A teenage love often ends and that is not a bad thing at all. Because you still have plenty of time to find a nice partner. But as the years pass and all your friends and family find someone and build a future, you may start to worry. The idea that you are “left over” may start to impose itself on you. How do you get into a serious relationship?
What is a serious relationship?
A serious relationship, what is that actually? If you ask around you will probably get different answers. Where everyone agrees is that it is a love relationship, where you have met each other’s families, do fun things together and have plans to live together one day or are already doing so. What matters most in a serious relationship is that we work together on a future.
The advantages
A serious relationship has a number of advantages and disadvantages. Those who are in a steady relationship regularly look back to the time of being single. No one to take into account, no obligations and no complicated planning to coordinate two agendas. Yet few people want to leave a serious love relationship for the single life.
What most people “miss” when they are single is the company of someone around them. Someone who laughs at the bad jokes that no one else understands, the disagreement that is made up with physical interaction and the sounding board to discuss problems and life. While everyone is doing something fun with their partner, you sit alone on the couch with Netflix on. A serious relationship has a number of advantages compared to being single:
- There is always someone to have sex with
- There is always a shoulder to cry on
- There is someone who can support you every day
- There is always someone who can cook for you
- There is someone you can discuss your day with
- There is someone who wants to do fun things with you
- There is the possibility to have children
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Why you can’t get into a serious relationship
While the benefits of a committed relationship almost speak for themselves, finding a serious relationship is not that easy. Time and time again you meet someone who seems like a potential candidate, but it always ends in nothing. Why is this?
High demands
The reality is that it is often not others that are to blame, but yourself. For many people who have had these experiences, the real problem lies within. It is not so much that your sights are set wrong, it is more that in an attempt to protect yourself, the barriers, tests and standards you have set are too much for people in the real world. This could explain why you are still single and have never found a serious relationship.
The solution? Keep your requirements to a minimum, give your dates a chance to prove themselves and focus on the qualities that really matter. Those who do not take risks are never rewarded.
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Wrong choices
You may meet new people but they are never the people who are open to a serious relationship. This is not the other person’s fault but your own. You probably end up in self-sabotaging patterns because of your own choices, which causes you to meet and attract the wrong types. If this pattern sounds familiar to you, it is important that you learn from your past mistakes. By finding the reasons why previous relationships did not work out, you can do things differently in the future.
It’s not a priority
Dating is like looking for work. If you are unhappy in your role as an unemployed person, you do everything you can to find work. You update your resume, talk to friends and family about job openings, research online, and contact companies that have positions available. You make it a priority to present yourself at your best and let others know that you are available.
If you want a serious relationship you can use the same plan of action. With the same drive you can make yourself open and available to find love.
Lack of contacts
With the busy lives we all have these days, it’s easy to get stuck in a daily routine. You get up, go to work, come home after a long day and don’t get off the couch. Your daily routine, possibly supplemented with time for your hobby, prevents you from meeting new people. While you live your life, you miss out on potential opportunities. Vary what you do, try new things and with a few small adjustments you might meet someone you normally wouldn’t.
Finding a serious relationship
Even if you do everything right, it’s not easy to find a serious relationship. Sometimes it seems like you’re the one pot that has no lid. With your work, hobbies, and obligations, you don’t have the attention and time to make yourself available and open to love. However, you can’t find a serious relationship if you don’t meet new people . Here are three effective ways to connect with people who are also looking for a relationship.
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Online dating: yes or no?
It seems like “everyone” is dating online these days. In the past, it was a bit taboo to admit that you met your new love via a dating site, but nowadays you don’t have to be ashamed of it anymore. Dating apps like Tinder have introduced the world to a new way of matching, but this also brought a problem with it. Most matches are not serious and in many cases the conversations don’t lead to anything. The convenience of dating apps is also a handicap. For a serious relationship, you are therefore still better off with a traditional dating site.
You can find a serious relationship on various traditional dating sites such as Lexa , Elitedating or Parship . On these sites you can create a free profile, but if you want to send messages to other members you will have to take out a paid subscription in most cases. Whether online dating suits you is of course up to you: you can at least try. Never ventured, never gained.
A relationship mediation agency: need help?
You can also use a relationship mediation agency to find a partner. Keep in mind that these types of agencies are usually not cheap. It can easily cost you hundreds of euros per year. The advantage is that the mediation is personal. The consultant will talk to you to discover who you are and what you are looking for. The best possible match will then be found for you.
Sometimes these agencies work on a “no cure no pay” basis, but in most cases you pay a fixed amount per year or month. The condition is of course that you cooperate sufficiently and are clearly open to a relationship.
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The old-fashioned route: get paired up
Before smartphones and before the internet was even present in every household, people would still be matched with friends of friends or friends of family members. This was the most normal thing in the world before technology took over. If you ask around in your family, chances are that several family members met after being matched by others.
You can use this to your advantage even in 2018: get matched by friends or family and who knows, you might meet someone who suits you. What’s more, this person has already passed the initial vetting of your friends or family.
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Stay single
If you are single and long for a relationship, there is of course nothing wrong with looking for your great love. However, it is not the solution to make it an obsession. Realize that your life as a single can be very nice. If you have friends or maintain good contact with your family, you can also do nice things with these people. A relationship is an addition to your life, it should not hinder you or be a remedy for your unpleasant life. So do not give up too much for your new love, just to not have to be single.
Getting rid of the cat or dog because your new partner doesn’t like them or is allergic to them can be an option. But if the relationship breaks down after two months, it’s really sour. The same goes for neglecting friendships. Even if you’re head over heels in love , keep in touch with friends. The people around you are valuable to your social life and deserve your attention.
Also, don’t let a relationship last for the simple reason that you don’t want to be alone. Together you can sometimes be much lonelier than on your own. You may have a serious relationship but not the relationship you really need or want.
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