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It may be that you have known for a while; you no longer want to be together with your partner and you want to get a divorce. A divorce can be very difficult, both emotionally and professionally. You may want to separate as soon as possible, there may be children involved and you may also want to try to remain friends.
The process of divorce is a difficult period filled with frustration, anger, sadness and disappointment. There is a lot to deal with and many agreements will have to be made. It is important to arrange these matters properly for yourself, your partner and any children.
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Several steps to take
To make the whole process of divorce a bit easier, it is wise to follow a step-by-step plan. This can give a lot of support in the difficult situation. Also, do not try to arrange everything at once, but tackle it step by step.
There are a number of matters that need to be arranged, where keeping an overview can make it a lot less difficult. Below we provide a step-by-step plan on which steps you need to take in the event of a divorce. Each step is explained with extensive advice and more information.
Step 1: Talk about it with your partner
The first step of the divorce process is perhaps the most difficult. You have known for a while that you want to divorce your partner, but what is the best way to share this news? It’s important to tell your partner in person anyway. This can of course be very scary, but it is very important to do this.
Try to indicate as clearly as possible that you no longer want to be together with your partner and, if necessary, explain the reasons for this. Don’t make accusations, but explain why it is better for you to separate .
This message may only reach your partner days or weeks later. Therefore, give your partner the space to let everything sink in; it may have come as a big shock. By giving your partner this time, he or she can also think about how he or she wants the divorce to proceed and how things should proceed.
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Step 2: Find the right specialist help
The second step is to seek the right help. A divorce is pronounced by a judge. This often means you need either a lawyer or a mediator. Only lawyers may submit a petition for divorce to the court. It may differ per divorce and individual what type of help is needed and which legal specialist suits you best. This depends on a number of factors such as your financial situation, how you interact, whether consultation is still possible, how you are married and whether there are children involved.
Guidance towards a solution
A mediator and a mediator are focused on maintaining harmony as much as possible. They try to make the divorce go as smoothly as possible and to ensure as little frustration as possible. You will choose one mediator together to work with. A mediator is an impartial person and therefore does not make any decisions. He guides the conversation between you and your partner and helps to find a solution that you are both satisfied with.
Lawyer and four-way conversation
However, good consultation between you and your partner may not be possible; for example, if you broke up in a bad way with a lot of anger. In this case you can hire your own lawyer. The lawyers can consult on your behalf to reach agreements. However, the procedure will often take a lot longer and will also cost more money.
It is also possible to have a four-way conversation, so that you can discuss in the presence of the lawyers. The choice for a mediator or a lawyer can be a very difficult choice; so think carefully about this before you make a decision.
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Step 3: File for divorce
The third step in the divorce process is to file for divorce. Only a lawyer or mediator can do this. In order to divorce, you must have all personal information about yourself, your partner and any children. Note, among other things, the details of the marriage, any prenuptial agreements and other personal information.
Sometimes it is necessary to make temporary agreements in advance. It may take a while before the judge officially pronounces the divorce. Temporary agreements can, for example, concern your home or the children. If it is not possible to make these agreements together, a lawyer can apply for a ‘provisional injunction’. This is not a permanent measure, but only until the divorce proceedings are completed.
Common or unilateral
A lawyer is therefore required to apply for a divorce. The lawyer can apply for a divorce on a joint or unilateral request. If you and your partner make agreements about the divorce via mediation, you can hire one lawyer to submit the application. It is also possible to both have your own lawyer and to apply for a unilateral request at the court. A petition is drawn up for this, to which your partner’s lawyer will respond.
Step 4: Create a financial plan
A large part of the divorce will be about money matters. Of course, you want to know how you will be doing financially after the divorce. Therefore, make a complete overview of assets and debts and also collect the evidence of this. Think of insurance policies, bank statements, the proof of ownership of your home and the tax returns . It is also important to make a list of the household effects. Think about how you want to divide the household effects.
Try to draw up a financial plan together. For example, how are debts and assets divided? What will be the amount of alimony ? How do you see the future financially? The more you discuss together in advance, the easier the process with the mediator or lawyer will be. This also means you will need less time, which means the divorce will also cost less money. This is also a good time to think about future housing plans and the financial consequences.
A divorce can also have consequences for your pension . To properly determine this, documentary evidence of the accrued pension entitlements is required. Collect all the necessary documents to make clear agreements about the distribution of the accrued pension.
However, if consultation is not possible between you and your partner, a lawyer will help you make a complete overview. The lawyer will also take care of making the agreements and recording these matters.
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Step 5: Agreements about the children
If there are children involved, the agreements about the children are the most important part of the divorce. Since you are parents, you have a duty of care for your children. This obligation continues, even if you no longer live together and you divorce. It is therefore very important that agreements are made about this. This is also called the contact arrangement .
If you make agreements about the children, this will all be included in a parenting plan . This contains many matters such as the visitation arrangements, the division of holidays, agreements about care and upbringing and child support. Think of the way in which care and upbringing tasks are divided, how you inform your partner about important events, and about the costs of care. Making such a plan is a mandatory part of the divorce and these are often drawn up by the lawyer or mediator.
Step 6: To the judge
After all agreements have been made in consultation with the lawyers or a mediator, it is time to go to court. If everything has been arranged, this is actually just a formality. However, if there are still disagreements about certain matters, it is the judge’s job to cut the knots.
Don’t you agree with this? Then you can also appeal . You can only appeal within 3 months of the ruling. This is only possible with a lawyer. Have you not appealed within 3 months? Then the judge’s decision is finalized.
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Step 7: Finalize the divorce
The divorce is made official by the judge. You will not be officially divorced until the judge’s ruling is registered in the civil registry . After this, it is only a matter of adhering to the agreements made to make the future as smooth as possible.
Please note that the decision must be registered within six months. Therefore, make sure that the lawyer does not exceed this period, otherwise the decision will lose its force and your marriage will remain intact. You will then have to start divorce proceedings again.
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