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We all know the feeling of rejection. It is a universal experience that we face early in life when other children do not want to play with us. And even if you were so popular that all the children wanted to play with you, at some point in your life you have experienced the pain of rejection.
You felt shame and sadness. You felt “not worthy” or “not good enough.” Maybe you felt like an outsider, someone who wasn’t welcome. You wouldn’t want to make anyone else feel that way, right? That’s why so many women want to know how to turn down a man in a sweet, kind, and respectful way .
The reality is that men have a very hard time noticing when a woman is not interested. Especially in the context of dating, it sometimes seems like they take every “no” as a “maybe.” How do you turn down a man who just doesn’t seem to get it?
According to Vanessa Van Edwards, bestselling author and founder of Science of People , this is often the result of miscommunication and misunderstandings that occur during flirting . That’s why she created a ten-step plan that can help women get rid of that difficult man.
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How to Reject a Man in 10 Steps
Vanessa and her team are specialists in body language and have combined their knowledge into a step-by-step plan that will help any woman reject any man. If you want to reject a man in a relatively polite way that will make him get the message, follow these steps.
1. Do the Torso Turn
If you want to let a man know you ’re not interested , turn your torso away from him. Vanessa calls this the “Torso Turn.” When you’re talking to someone, turn your torso toward them as a sign of respect. If you’re not, you’re nonverbally saying, “Get away from me.”
2. Shake your head ‘no’
From a young age, we are taught that “no” doesn’t have to be spoken. It can be non-verbal. Shaking your head “no” is the second step in getting your message across. When you shake your head from left to right and back, you are making it clear that you don’t want something. So, if a man makes an attempt to make contact, you can start shaking your head no right away. You can also do this while you are speaking, as a way to non-verbally emphasize your verbal “no.”
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3. Block the advances
Is a man making advances and getting too close? “Blocking is especially useful for close talkers ,” says Vanessa. “You can hold your drink in front of you so they can’t lean in. The glass blocks him.” You can also do this with a purse by holding it in front of your body with both hands.
4. Say it like you mean it
When women don’t immediately know how to handle a man’s advances, they can send mixed signals . One example is using uncertain language, such as “maybe not.” Instead of saying, “You’re not getting my phone number!” they say, “I think I shouldn’t give you my phone number.”
It tells a man that you are not sure about the ‘no’. He does not hear a ‘no’ but a ‘maybe’ and will be more likely to try to convince you to get a ‘yes’. So when you say ‘no’, say it like you mean it.
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5. Shut down your body
An open attitude says that you are approachable. A closed attitude does not. It is much harder to connect with someone who is physically closed off, because it forms a barrier.
- Cross your legs and point your knees and toes away from them when sitting.
- Cross your arms and create a barrier by closing off your torso.
- Stop gesturing and keep your arms and hands close to your body.
6. Clench your fists
In the world of body language, open palms say you have nothing to hide, are honest, and invite the other person to make contact. If you turn that around, you have a fist. This body language is a signal that contact is not wanted and even shows some hostility.
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7. Negative micro-expressions
Do you always have a happy demeanor? Even when something negative happens to you? “If you really want to turn someone off, avoid smiling at all costs,” says Vanessa. “Smiling is a flattering way to draw someone in—it’s like giving them the green light that you like their approach.” Avoid smiling and use other negative facial expressions like disgust, contempt, or anger to make it even more obvious.
8. Stop making eye contact
Contact between people is hardly possible if there is no eye contact . Think back to the interactions you had earlier today. How would you have found these interactions if someone did not look at you at all? If you avoid eye contact, you make it clear – together with the other person’s signals – that contact is not wanted.
9. Spread your legs
Spreading your legs may be a guy-only thing, but Vanessa says it’s a great way for a woman to stake her claim. When you point your toes out and take a wide stance with your chest out, you’re showing that you’re not someone to mess with. It’s not very feminine, but that’s why it works.
10. Show the cold look
Have you tried everything on this list and nothing has worked? Use the cold stare. “Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire,” Vanessa explains. “Frown your brow like you just realized someone stole your favorite pajamas, and stay silent. Whatever you do, don’t break eye contact first.”
Vanessa: “99% of the time this works. Whoever can keep this staring contest going the longest will be the winner.”
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