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Do you find it difficult to recognize your limits? Are you aware of your pitfalls, but are you still unable to fully recharge your battery and are you stuck in (the tail end of) your burnout? Then this might be an interesting article to read. In this article I would like to share with you why I chose haptop therapy and what it has brought me.
Let’s go again
At the beginning of this year I moved to a great house. A house where you immediately relax upon entering and where you can leave all the speed and hustle and bustle behind you by closing your front door. My boyfriend and I did everything we could to make the move as relaxed as possible, so that we could actually enjoy it. Despite this heroic effort (it took us two weeks to get from one house to the other), things still went wrong. There I go again. Like a tsunami I feel a relapse coming and no matter what I do…. He can’t be stopped anymore. Shit.
Doctor help me
Frustrated, I go to the doctor because I can no longer sleep. The cortisol rushes through my body and prevents me from relaxing when I really need it. I’m angry and I’m fed up. Is this what the rest of my life is going to look like? Is this the scar of a burnout? Should I accept that with every setback I can expect a setback? No way!
Head dominates heart
A few days later I sit with the practice nurse and after the first conversation she indicates that I know it all very well. That I know exactly how it works, what is wrong and how to solve it. Sounds nice, but there is one problem.
I can’t put it into practice. In the 28 years that I have walked this earth, I have taught myself to live from my head. Logic dominates intuition. Achieving goals dominates respecting your boundaries, with the result that I can no longer sense my boundaries and needs properly. In fact, the worse things go, the less I can feel my limits and needs.
Also Read: Back in the office after your burnout, what now?
With 20% I can do 100%.
In addition, I don’t feel how full my battery is. With 20% energy I exercise as if I were 100% charged, with the result that I don’t give myself the chance to ever be 100% charged again. Learning to recognize my limits through haptop therapy will help me to finally get the battery above 60%. This way I will be resilient in times when I have to deal with setbacks, pressure and resistance, the practice nurse assures me.
Everything but goat’s wool sock.
To be honest, I was a bit worried that it would be too goat’s wool socky for me, but that turned out not to be the case. The idea behind haptotherapy is that your mind should reconnect with your body (holistic view). Sounds pretty crazy, doesn’t it? That’s what I thought too, but in practice I don’t experience it that way at all. In a nutshell, through haptotherapy I learn to feel again, I allow myself to pick up signals and interpret them correctly. It still takes some practice to figure out how to deal with that, but HEY, Rome wasn’t built in one day, right?
Each consultation lasts an hour during which we first speak briefly with each other. We always go through the past few weeks together to see what went well and what didn’t. What I like is that I get concrete tips and tools to deal with certain things better. I also receive clear feedback, which I find pleasant. My haptonomist is not afraid to confront me with my own behavior and I love that. It sometimes produces hilarious moments. Sometimes I also receive assignments that I carry out at home. We will come back to this during the consultations. After the conversation I go ‘on the couch’ (massage table).
The first time I expected a relaxing massage and I was honestly extremely disappointed when it turned out that haptonomy works a little differently. Through different touches (think light, harder, little and a lot in specific places) you enter your body. That sounds crazy, I know. Yet I don’t experience it that way. Through haptonomy I learn to step out of my head and sink into my own body. It will also come as no surprise that my legs and feet are currently receiving the most attention.
Also Read: 10 signs that you are heading for a burnout
Tension balloon
Another great example that I would like to share with you is what haptonomy does with tension. For me, tension affects my stomach and intestines. When there is tension, stress and fatigue, a tension balloon develops between my ribs. Sometimes so bad that my stomach swells to such an extent that my stomach bulges out between my lower ribs. I can tell you that that hurts a lot.
The first time I visited the haptonomist I brought my tension balloon with me. Lying on my stomach on the couch was almost impossible. Certain touches and questions forced me to feel where it came from. Simply by allowing myself to feel and investigate what is causing the tension, the tension and therefore that nasty balloon decreased. It rarely bothers me anymore!
Crying is not good for anything
Although I am an emotionally sensitive person (I still cry when watching Bambi, really heartbreaking), I am rarely emotional. I used to get extremely angry, feel intensely sad and bounce with joy. Over the last ten years I felt I had to grow up and became flatter and more moderate. The real reason? Then I would be less vulnerable.
During my conversations with the haptonomist, it often happens that I talk about something and then I am overcome by a certain emotion. I literally feel it rising from my toes to my throat where I then swallow it down and feel it sink. The first time this happened the haptonomist pointed this out to me. I saw that you felt something, but I also saw that you were putting it away. Why do you do that? You guessed it… I have been challenged to allow the feeling.
Also Read: 4 inspiring quotes that helped me through my burnout
Feeling is hard young one!
I can tell you that feeling is difficult. No, but really. Sometimes I don’t feel like doing that at all. Like the other day, I was taking a nice walk with my boyfriend and our dogs when I saw all the cyclists racing on the way back. I felt a lump in my throat and knew that I was sad because I couldn’t handle those long rides yet (i.e. pre-burnout). And while not even 15 minutes earlier I was happily hopping on the beach. At such a moment I want to put that feeling away because I don’t think I should complain so much.
Yet now that I consistently allow it (within myself, otherwise my boyfriend would go crazy for me), I notice that I carry much less tension. It turns out that by immediately allowing those emotions, I can also immediately process and release them. Indirectly it means that I have more energy left, because I have figured that out…. Tension and stress consume a lot of valuable energy!
Do you have experience with haptonomy? Or do you have experience with another form of therapy that has helped with your burnout?
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