How Can You Hurt Your Partner? 14 Ways You Can Hurt

You look with a bitter look in your eyes at your partner who just said that you did something wrong. Anger and disappointment alternate as you think of the sharp words you want to use. Without considering the impact of your words, it blurts out: “It’s really nice to have someone who knows everything. I mean, why waste any more time on other perspectives or ideas? You know EVERYTHING!”

Despite the fact that it was well-intentioned by your loved one, and actually only to help you, you made a comment that you knew would cut deeply. But at that moment you didn’t care. You felt powerful because of the control you took over the situation and you wanted your partner to feel as hurt as you did. What you didn’t know, however, is that you were not only hurting your partner, but also damaging the foundations of your relationship.

Why you want to know how to hurt your partner

Hurting your partner can have serious negative consequences for your relationship. Everyone knows that. It breaks the trust and security within the relationship. It’s not nice. Consciously causing emotional harm to someone else is not healthy. For example, if you repeatedly make hurtful comments , you create a climate of emotional pain and insecurity. Your partner may start to feel unloved, unworthy and insecure, which in turn can lead to a feeling of distance and alienation. Why do you think you would want to know how to hurt someone?

The answer is that you can learn a lot from it. Not because you want to hurt your partner, but because you want to prevent that. As a partner you want to learn from your mistakes and break negative patterns . If you know how to hurt your partner, you can proactively work to avoid these painful situations. You can avoid falling into the same pitfalls and break repetitive patterns.

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What exactly is hurting?

Before we get into the different ways you can hurt your partner, it might be a good idea to explain what exactly hurting is. If you hurt your partner, it means that your words, actions, or behavior cause emotional pain to your partner.

• It shows a lack of respect, empathy and understanding.
• It shows that you are not paying enough attention to your loved one’s feelings and needs.
• It could indicate a lack of communication skills, frustration, or unresolved pain that you are projecting onto your partner.

When you hurt your partner, you may face various consequences. First, it creates distance between you. Your partner may withdraw and build a wall around themselves , mainly to protect themselves from further pain. The result is that the emotional connection crumbles and intimacy decreases.

The problem with hurting is that it can cause many more problems because it can also lead to resentment, anger and bitterness. These negative emotions can build up and create a negative spiral, leaving you in a constant state of war. It eats away at the relationship from within, to a point where it becomes difficult to repair the relationship .

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Like a stone’s throw into a pond

It’s like throwing a stone into a calm pond. When the stone hits the water, it causes a shock wave that spreads and creates ripples, disrupting the peaceful surface. Just as the stone disrupts the calm of the water, hurting your partner disrupts the balance in your relationship.

The ripples extend from the point where the stone touches the pond and affect everything around it. In the same way, hurting your partner spreads through different aspects of your relationship. It can affect the communication, trust, intimacy, and overall satisfaction of both of you.

And just as the ripples in the water fade over time, so too can the pain your partner feels. Until the next stone hits the water, causing another shock wave and increasing the ripples. But the traces of damage often remain visible. Just as the pond needs time to restore its calm and allow the ripples to fade, a relationship also needs time to heal.

14 Ways You Can Hurt Your Partner

In the long run, regularly hurting your partner can lead to a negative spiral of resentment, anger, and sadness. It can also easily lead to the end of the relationship , as the emotional toll becomes too much to bear. Wouldn’t you want to avoid that at all costs? Let’s look at the ways you can hurt your partner and how you can prevent it.

1. Criticism of appearance

Hurting your partner by criticizing their appearance can leave deep wounds. It makes your partner insecure, lowers self-esteem and creates a negative body image. Some examples:

• You look really fat in those clothes.
• Have you noticed how many gray hairs you have gotten? You’re starting to look old.
• You really have a strange ear shape, I notice it every time.
• You have way too many wrinkles, you look much older than you actually are.
• Your makeup actually only makes you uglier.

2. Disparaging comments about interests and passions

Making comments that show contempt is a big deal. They show that you don’t respect your partner’s identity. It can make your partner feel like their passions don’t matter, which can be an emotional blow.

• Your obsession with that hobby project is absolutely ridiculous.
• Why are you wasting so much time on that pointless hobby?
• Your passion for music is so childish. When are you going to grow up?
• I don’t understand why you’re so interested in those boring books.
• Your sports performance means nothing. Why would you put so much time and energy into it?
• Why would you spend so much money on that collection of yours? It’s just pointless spending money.

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3. Humiliation in public

Humiliating your partner in public is a powerful way to hurt him or her. It makes your partner feel small and humiliated. In that sense it can give a feeling of betrayal.

• You really can’t do anything right, can you?
• Why would they accept anything from you?
• I’m really ashamed to be seen with you.
• I can’t believe you can be so stupid.

4. Using sensitive topics as a weapon

Consciously using sensitive topics as a weapon to hurt your partner: it is a deep form of emotional abuse . It touches your partner’s most sensitive nerves and can cause long-lasting emotional damage long after you say the words.

• You can never do anything right, just like your father and mother.
• Other people laugh at you behind your back.
• You’re just like all those other men/women.
• You’re just a failure, just like your previous relationships.
• You’re too insecure to deal with this, like always.
• No one thinks you can do it.

5. Breaking trust

A relationship is based on trust. By betraying your partner’s trust, you violate the essence of the relationship. It brings deep pain and doubt. It makes your partner feel unsafe and insecure.

6. Ignore the emotional aspect

Consciously ignoring your partner’s emotional needs is a subtle but destructive way to hurt someone. It creates distance and makes your partner feel unimportant.

• Your feelings don’t matter.
• What are you concerned about? It’s just a small problem.
• I can’t believe you’re worried about that.
• You just have to be stronger and deal with it.
• Other people have it much worse than you, so stop complaining.
• I don’t have time for your emotional stuff.
• You’re always so oversensitive, can’t you just act normal?

7. Showing insensitivity

Showing insensitivity to your partner’s feelings, for example by minimizing their sadness or worries, can be extremely hurtful. It leaves your partner out in the cold and causes a feeling of loneliness .

• You’re always so dramatic, I just can’t listen to it anymore.
• I can’t believe you’re making such a big deal out of this. Just act normal.
• I don’t understand why you’re so emotional about this. It’s not that important.
• I don’t understand why you react so sensitively, it was just a joke.

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8. Constant criticism and negativity

Constantly criticizing your partner is not good. It is also not good to keep making negative comments about everything your partner does. Doing this can damage your partner’s self-esteem and confidence. This creates a toxic environment where your partner constantly feels rejected.

• You always do everything wrong.
• You’re so useless, you can’t do anything right.
• I can’t believe I’m with someone like you.
• You’re so lazy, you never do anything productive.
• You always look sloppy, can’t you even take care of yourself properly?

9. Manipulation and gaslighting

With manipulation and gaslighting you put pressure on your partner in a psychological and destructive way. The goal is to make your partner doubt his or her own feelings and reality, which can leave deep emotional scars.

10. Lack of respect and listening

You downplay your partner’s feelings and emotions as being exaggerated or unimportant. You show that you are distracted or not interested in what your partner is saying. Or you constantly interrupt your partner when he or she is talking. If you do this, you are hurting, because it shows a lack of respect .

11. Emotional withdrawal

Emotionally withdrawing from the relationship and ignoring your partner can leave you feeling lonely and abandoned. It creates a rift between you and makes your partner feel unimportant and unwanted.

12. Not providing support

Not being present or offering support when your partner needs it can be deeply hurtful. Your partner then feels alone in difficult times, which weakens the emotional bond between you.

• You have to solve it yourself, I don’t feel like helping.
• I have more important things to worry about than listening to your problems.
• What does it matter? It’s your problem, not mine.
• You should learn to be independent and not always rely on me.
• I have other things to worry about.
• There’s always something about you. Find out for yourself.

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13. Unequal balance of power

It can be hurtful for your partner if you consciously create an unequal power relationship in which your partner feels subordinate. This brings with it a feeling of inequality and oppression, which negatively affects the relationship.

• You don’t matter, I make the decisions here.
• Why would you think about that? You don’t understand it.
• I know better than you, so just listen to me.
• You’re too stupid to understand this, so let me handle it.
• I’ll decide what’s good for you, so stop whining.

14. Emotional and physical abuse

Emotional and physical abuse are last, but they are perhaps the most devastating ways to hurt your partner. It causes deep wounds and trauma, and has serious consequences for your partner’s physical and emotional health.

Now be honest: how many of these things have you been guilty of? If you’re like most people, the answer is not zero . In most relationships, hurt is inevitable because we as humans are not perfect. But it can help enormously if you are aware of the impact of your words and actions. If you are aware of this, you can significantly reduce the chance of hurting your partner.

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