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After an amazing first date, you always hope for that one message that will make your heart skip a beat, right? But sometimes, instead, you get that message no one wants to receive: “I had a great time, but I didn’t really connect, sorry.” No matter how amazing that first date was, sometimes things just don’t work out like a fairytale. Your Tinder bio can be hilarious and your perfect profile photos could be featured in a magazine, but if that “connection” isn’t there, it’s all for nothing.
That magical feeling when you click with someone on a deeper level, that’s when the spark jumps and you can take the step from dating to a relationship. But what exactly is this famous click, what does it feel like and is the click really necessary?
What’s the click?
The click is actually quite vague and seems to have no fixed definition. It is best described as a complex mix of attraction and the feeling of pleasure. It is that special connection between two people that sets them apart from others – a unique combination of sexual attraction, openness, acceptance and a sense of ease.
In the world of dating and relationships, you click with someone when there’s a spark, or when you feel that undeniable chemistry between you. It’s like that extra something you see in someone that seems to say, “That person is meant for me, and vice versa.” In today’s dating world, many would argue that chemistry is crucial to how a relationship develops, but is it really?
While a large part of attraction can be based on physical traits, like the shape of someone’s jaw, their scent, and even the tone of their voice, chemistry isn’t so much about looks as it is about emotional connection. When you click with someone, the feelings of connection are much stronger than your reaction to their appearance. Looks certainly play a role, but they’re not the be-all and end-all when it comes to that elusive chemistry.
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How does it feel?
Your nervous system is going into overdrive, adrenaline is pumping, and you can feel it all in your racing heart, shortness of breath, and a rush of excitement. It’s a natural play of emotions and feelings that makes that spark fly. When it happens, you feel a tingling sensation throughout your body, from those wobbly knees to that euphoric high you get at the thought of your next encounter. Your daily thoughts are flooded with the passion bubbling inside. This is that connection that many singles desperately long for, but unfortunately sometimes never find.
Why you have that click with one person and not with another is a mystery that no one really has an answer to. Scientists have spent centuries researching how and why that spark jumps over. The conclusion? No one really knows exactly how it works. But that that click exists, that is beyond dispute. The click is real, the sparks fly and the chemistry is there, but it is not for everyone to experience.
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Rejected? This means ‘I don’t feel a connection’
The “I don’t feel a connection” excuse is often used as a convenient way to reject someone without causing a lot of fuss. Maybe the other person said they “don’t feel a connection” but really meant that your photos don’t really represent you. Or maybe you’re great at online chatting but in person you just suck. In that case, “Sorry, I don’t feel a connection” is an easy way out of a tough situation.
Not feeling a connection is therefore sometimes synonymous with avoiding direct confrontation. In order to avoid having to tell you the hard truth directly, singles come up with reasons that sound less painful. What is easier to say when you reject someone: ‘you don’t look good to me’ or ‘I didn’t feel the spark?’ The excuse ‘not feeling a connection’ is in these kinds of situations simply a friendly way to soften the truth a bit.
In other cases, the other person may be attracted to you, but there is simply no real match. It is not just about your appearance, but also about your behavior and what you have to say. It is about the total picture that just does not quite match what the other person is looking for. Maybe they found you interesting, nice and funny, but just that special something that we call that click was missing.
This could mean ‘no click’
- No emotional connection: The spark is simply missing because there is no deeper emotional bond between you and the other person.
- Different interests: You have completely different interests and hobbies. There is no common ground for conversations and activities.
- Personal Goals: You have different life goals and visions for the future, so it is difficult to be on the same page.
- Communication issues: Perhaps communication did not flow smoothly during your conversation and it felt forced.
- Lack of Chemistry: While you may find each other attractive, the chemistry needed to feel that deeper connection is lacking.
- No shared values: You have different core values and beliefs that are inconsistent or clash.
- Timing is wrong: Sometimes it just comes down to timing. The other person is not ready for a relationship or has other priorities.
- Different stages of life: You are in completely different stages of life, for example in terms of career, life goals or family plans.
Is the direct click really necessary?
Thanks to television, movies, and romance novels, there is a whole generation of singles frantically searching for a relationship based on unrealistic expectations. The truth is that the much-desired chemistry is actually an overrated myth. To have a happy and loving relationship, you don’t necessarily need that spark or click. Whether you immediately feel a connection with someone is therefore not a measure of the future success of the relationship.
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The spark is not permanent
The spark that some couples feel when they first meet is unfortunately not permanent. When that spark starts to fade, many couples realize that they don’t really have much in common beyond that “click.” “Love is blind” is partly the result of that click that some people experience. The hormones in your body when you are in love blur your view of reality. So just because you feel that click with someone, it doesn’t automatically mean you are guaranteed a long and happy relationship.
That special connection that you can experience with someone is actually the reason why you often overlook important qualities. While countless singles are looking for that connection, those who do experience it are sometimes disappointed. Often they are so blinded by the infatuation that they overlook serious shortcomings. But just having that connection with someone is not enough.
The connection can make everything feel right at that moment, but it can’t tell you what the future holds. So it’s important to look beyond that spark and pay attention to other aspects of a relationship.
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Some people never experience it
For some people, that famous click that others always talk about remains a mystery. It has nothing to do with bad luck or being lucky, you can only feel that click if it really suits you. That is why there are people who never experience that chemistry with someone, but still get married and have a happy relationship. Experiencing the click usually occurs with people who are down to earth and authentic.
According to California State University psychology professor Campbell, that’s because when someone is comfortable with themselves, they’re better able to show their true selves to the world. This makes it easier to get to know them, even if you have different perspectives on important issues.
Finishing each other’s sentences
When two people are on the same wavelength in a conversation, it can sometimes seem as if their thoughts simply “click.” A recent study shows that this click is not just an expression, but can be predicted by the “reaction times” in a conversation, or the time between when one person stops talking and the other person starts.
Researchers: “When people feel like they can almost finish each other’s sentences, they close that short gap of 250 milliseconds, and that’s when there’s really that special connection between two people.”
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Why the slow click is better
No two relationships are the same. One couple is madly in love from the very first moment, while others can’t stand each other at all at first, only to tie the knot a year later . There are literally millions of relationships that have been created in which there was absolutely no spontaneous connection at the first meeting.
Many relationships between two people do not suddenly develop, but need time to grow. That connection is not there immediately, but grows as the two get to know each other better. It shows that love and relationships are often more complex than we sometimes think.
For these couples, relationships develop slowly but steadily. It’s not love at first sight , but rather love at fifth sight. Sometimes, they don’t even feel attracted to their partner at first. We all know someone who initially couldn’t stand their partner, but then became closer and closer and now can’t live without each other. This is because we find people more attractive the more we see them.
The click can grow
Researchers from Hamilton College in New York studied this phenomenon . Participants were asked to rate faces and the results were analyzed. Some photos were shown repeatedly. What do you know? The more often a face is shown, the more attractive it becomes. According to this study, people feel more attracted to others when they see each other more often, even if there was no attraction to begin with.
The traditional image of the click is like a perfect arrow from Cupid that lands right on the bullseye. With just one shot, Cupid is supposed to create an intense bond between two people. But unfortunately, this is not a realistic representation of how it really works. Of all the people who fall in love, only a few have felt that click right away and experienced love at first sight. In reality, Cupid is not such an accurate shot. Often, the helper of the God of Love needs more than one arrow to hit the target.
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