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Do you remember going on a date? It probably seems like ages since you sat across from a date. Maybe you nervously sipped a strong alcoholic drink to calm your nerves. Or you suddenly found yourself in a staring contest, wondering what on earth to talk about on a first date.
The struggles of that time seem insignificant in a period when you want nothing more than to date without any restrictions, including the awkward moments and awkward silences. But to just jump back into the dating game, that is not so easy. Because after a year of social distancing, that step is even bigger – much bigger.
From avoiding contact to intimate encounters; it is the opposite world of what we are used to now. It is therefore no wonder that singles can feel afraid to meet each other, when it is possible again. That fear has now been given a name: FOMU, the Fear of Meeting Up .
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What is FOMU?
According to a survey of 1,095 people by dating app Badoo, 77% of currently dating singles feel anxious about meeting up in person for a date. And 78% say they feel like they’ve forgotten how to date in person, thanks to the lockdown. The anxiety singles feel about meeting up in person is called FOMU .
While it’s not an official term, it’s now used to describe the fear that singles can have when it comes to meeting up for a face-to-face date. As the research shows, there are many singles who feel this fear. That’s why Badoo’s Natasha Briefel shared her top dating tips with MetroUK to help overcome this fear.
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Be open about your fears
Openness is the best policy when it comes to meeting someone you don’t know yet. Being honest and open about your concerns will help you and your date get on the right track.
“If you’re not ready to meet face-to-face, whether it’s because you’re not comfortable with it or because you’re socially anxious, then just say so – let your match know and talk about it openly. It’s been a strange year, so chances are they’re feeling the same way,” says Natasha.
“The date will feel more natural and fun if you’re really ready to take that step. You’ll also likely make a stronger, more honest connection because your mind isn’t consumed by worries about ‘Am I actually ready for this?’ and ‘Is this what I really want?’”
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Try a video date first
Now that we’re at the point where the end of lockdown is in sight, you might think that video dates are a thing of the past. But according to Natasha, that’s no reason to stop video calling .
“It’s perfect to meet someone over video call before meeting IRL,” she says. “The pandemic has shown us the power of virtual connection, and it’s likely that the video first date will stick around long after the pandemic. While it’s great to connect and share interests over chat, video allows you to connect on a deeper level.”
“You can hear their voice, see their mannerisms, and generally get a better, more honest feel for that person without the pressure of physically being there. Then when the time comes to meet that person IRL on a park bench, it feels like you already know them and you feel much more relaxed for it.”
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Prepare some conversation starters
If you’re worried about it being awkward, why not prepare a little beforehand? Now, a date isn’t a job interview, but a little preparation always helps. Natasha agrees.
“Go into your date with some questions and conversation starters up your sleeve – whether it’s new lockdown hobbies or what they’ve been watching on Netflix,” says Natasha. Here are some questionnaires you can use to get started:
- 101 questions for a good conversation
- 206 conversation starter questions
- 50 Questions to Get to Know Someone Better
“Now that lockdown is starting to ease, there’s more to talk about – ask them what they’re thinking, if they’ve got anything planned. Chances are you won’t need these prompts as you’ll relax once you’re in it and the conversation will flow naturally – but it’s always nice to feel prepared.”
Plan an activity
Even though the activities we can do right now are limited, there’s always room to get creative with what you can do. “If sharing a park bench on a first date feels too intense, you can plan a scenic walk, grab a coffee together, or even think about games,” says Natasha.
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Accept the awkwardness
Pandemic or not, there is always a chance that a date can be awkward. Lockdowns, measures and fears are separate from that. It can always happen, according to Natasha that is a reason to own the awkwardness .
“There may be some awkward moments, but after being cooped up inside for so long, meeting new people is a welcome break from the routine. The most important thing is to just be your honest self, be honest about who you are and what you want, and enjoy new connections,” she says, “IRL.”
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