Share This Article
As a bystander, it’s easy to judge a bad relationship. When your friend’s partner makes disparaging remarks during a disagreement, you see it clearly. That’s not how your friend should be treated . You might even advise them to run away quickly before things get out of hand. But you don’t give yourself that advice when the exact same thing happens to you, because you’re not a bystander.
The problem is that we don’t want to or can’t see the red flags when we’re in the relationship. Because the warning signs are often subtle and you see them through rose-colored glasses, they’re easier to forgive. And because you don’t want to admit that the person you’re in love with isn’t actually that great for you, you may even start to ignore the red flags .
How often do you hear from both women and men who have been cheated on, abused or mistreated, and they never expected it from their partner? Afterwards, they are angry at themselves for missing the signs. The information was always there – they just ignored it.
What are red flags in dating?
The term “red flag” used in the context of dating and relationships is a signal that someone will be (or is) a bad or problematic partner. These red flags are indications of serious problems that may surface at a later time. They are the signs that a potential partner has the potential to be a bad partner .
Think of someone with mental health issues, addiction, anger issues, violent tendencies, money problems or extreme jealousy. The red flags are a hint that these issues will come to the fore as the relationship develops.
ALSO READ: Why Self-love Starts With Recognizing Your Limits
13 Red Flags on First Dates
Dating can be exhausting when you keep getting into relationships with the wrong people. But it doesn’t have to be. Recognizing the red flags is the best way to avoid wasting your time on people who don’t deserve it. This way, you can eliminate the wrong types before you get emotionally involved or attached to them. If you want to know if someone will be a bad or toxic partner, check out these 13 red flags to spot on first dates.
1. You catch your date lying
Catching someone in a lie more than once is not a good sign. It’s a red flag. We all tell a little white lie now and then . But if you find yourself consistently catching someone in a lie, that’s a red flag. How can you start a relationship with someone if you’re being lied to over and over again? That’s not a stable foundation for a relationship.
2. Your date quickly talks about sex
Of course, this red flag is mostly about men. If he starts asking questions about your sexual preferences and fantasies on the first date , then as a woman you can take that as a red flag. Unless you specifically brought it up yourself, talking about sex on the first date is a warning sign that the intentions may be different than what you would expect. And if you don’t like it, then it’s also a sign that your boundaries are not being respected.
ALSO READ: 4 Reasons To Indicate Your Limits
3. The ex comes up
We (almost) all have an ex. For most people, it’s someone they have a history with and share memories with. But that doesn’t mean that memories should be discussed on a first date. The ex topic is not appropriate for a first date. It’s a red flag, because people who bring up their ex on a date are probably not completely over their ex – and therefore maybe not even ready for a new relationship.
If you sense that there is a third person present on the date, consider it a red flag.
4. It’s just out
Does the other person tell you that you just broke up with your ex? And was it a serious, long-term relationship? Then you have to be careful, because you could easily end up in a rebound relationship. A rebound is often short and emotionally confusing, because the other person is unsure about what he or she wants. The other person is probably also still very emotionally involved in the previous relationship.
5. All exes are ‘crazy’
Most of us have had an ex and afterward thought, “What the hell did I see in that person?” Then there are those who don’t have a single ex who was normal: they were all crazy. If your date says that all their exes are crazy, chances are it’s not entirely their exes who were the problem, but mainly the person you’re dating now.
6. Your date talks about a future together
“Oh, how sweet that he/she is already talking about our future children!”, no one thought during a first date. Why not? Because it is a sign of love bombing , a manipulative tactic to gain control over someone. It is deception, because the only goal of this tactic is to ‘win’ you over. However, the other person does not know you at all, so if someone quickly starts talking about living together, children or marriage, do not trust it. Here are more examples of love bombing:
- Texting and calling all day long
- Excessive compliments
- Continuous gift giving
- Spending too much time together too soon
- Wanting to do all the same things you do
- Excessive interest in your background and life
- Wanting to move too quickly on the relationship
ALSO READ: My Journey to Recovery: How I Ultimately Overcame Burnout
7. Your date makes fun of you
Does your date embarrass you on the first date? Consider it a red flag, even if they immediately say it was a joke. If someone you’re dating says something that hurts you, no matter how small, it’s a sign that they may be indifferent to your feelings. It could even be a form of negging , which is actually a really annoying way to seduce someone.
8. Your potential partner has no friends
The biggest psychopaths in the world have the least friends. They don’t really have any close friends or close ties to family members. Now, your date doesn’t necessarily have to be a serial killer if they say they don’t have any close friends, but it is a red flag to be aware of.
Ask yourself if that is the case. Is it because they dislike others or because others dislike your date? Either way, it is something to consider because your date may simply not be able to connect and maintain.
ALSO READ: Overcoming Burnout: How to Rebuild Confidence in Your Recovery Journey
9. Your date is disrespectful to servants
The way people treat servants reveals a lot about their character. Do they bark at the servant when he makes a mistake? Or do they remain respectful? How others treat the CEO of a large company says nothing about who they are. But how they treat a servant who does something wrong does. How someone treats a servant is a sign of how they will treat you later.
10. The other person orders for you
You would almost think that no one would have the nerve to just order something for a date, but that is indeed what some people do. And of course it is immediately a red flag if you do not ask the other person first. It comes across as controlling and possessive , two qualities you do not want to see on a first date.
11. Your date doesn’t ask anything, only talks about themselves
It’s the classic red flag we’ve all encountered: people who don’t ask questions of others but talk about themselves the entire time. How can you tell if there’s any chemistry, let alone common ground, when the conversation is completely one-sided? It’s possible that your date is always the talkative type when they’re nervous, but it’s a turn-off either way. And potentially a red flag.
12. Your date drinks too much alcohol
Have you noticed that your date is downing one drink after another? It could be nerves, but it’s also possible that your conversation partner has an alcohol problem. Studies have shown that excessive alcohol consumption is linked to domestic violence. Now, we’re not saying that every alcoholic exhibits this behavior. But if someone can’t control their drinking on the first date, how will that go later in the relationship? It’s a red flag, because there’s a good chance that this match can’t control other things in their life either.
ALSO READ: How haptotherapy helped me recover from my burnout
13. You have a bad gut feeling
Everything you have learned in your life so far is expressed in your gut feeling, also called your intuition. Do you get a bad gut feeling on the first date, without having any hard evidence to confirm that feeling? Don’t let anyone tell you: the feeling is there for a reason. It ensures that you make better decisions than when you think rationally.
P.S. Are you already following Gistinger.com on Facebook , Instagram and Twitter?