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You should stop doing it. You know that. But you keep trying. You keep hoping that things will turn out okay. Because that’s what everyone always says, that everything will be fine. But sometimes things don’t work out – the hope you have may be an illusion.
Many people find themselves stuck in a dead-end relationship because they don’t know how to stop. They suffer from the false hope that prevents them from letting go of the relationship. They hope for something that will probably never happen.
For example, you wait for your partner to change and the relationship to improve, even though history has shown that this will not happen. But instead of facing the truth and drawing a line under it, you prefer to cling to false hope. And that can be very, very difficult.
What is false hope?
Having false hope is not realistic. You have hope that something will happen in the relationship, even though it is clear that it never will. However, the expectations are not realistic . It’s a way to continue with the relationship without experiencing the pain you should experience.
False hope causes you to hide from reality and stay in a relationship in which you are not satisfied. So you make excuses to convince yourself that things will change, even though deep down you know you’re lying to yourself.
- “She may say she doesn’t want anything, but I know better.”
- “He will change, and then everything will be perfect.”
- “If I just try a little harder, everything will be fine.”
Do the statements sound familiar to you? These are examples of sentences you can say to yourself when you have false hope. They keep you coming back for more, even if that chance is almost nil. The false hope also prevents you from moving on with your life, because you keep hoping that everything will change.
You hope that the other person will wake up and realize how nice and attractive you are. Or you keep the hope that your loved one will stop the addictive behavior. And you hope that everything you put into the relationship will pay off in the end. There is a recurring pattern in the relationship and instead of stopping the pattern, you continue with it – hoping that someday something will change. Having hope is healthy, but false hope in relationships rarely is.
ALSO READ: 60 Signs of a Harmful Relationship
6 ways to stop false hope
Having the hope that you will be happy in your relationship is good. It gives you something to hold on to, something to strive for. Hoping against hope that someone will change is not. Sooner or later, false hope will collide with reality. The only question is when that will happen. These are six ways to stop false hope early.
1. Be honest with yourself
It’s tempting to view every relationship through rose-colored glasses . We all do that when we are under the influence of the love hormones. But this is also the reason why you don’t see reality. Therefore, stop focusing on the positive things in the relationship and pay close attention to the flaws in the relationship. In other words: be honest with yourself. Does the relationship really have a chance of success?
2. Cut off contact
If you hold out hope that you and your ex will reunite , your ex may make the hope unrealistic. You may want it, but your ex may not – even if there are mixed signals . The hope you have comes from ignorance of the feelings your ex is actually experiencing. While you think there’s a chance your ex will want to try again , your ex knows there’s no such chance.
False hope prolongs suffering. If you want this to stop, there is only one measure that will work: cut off contact .
- Block your ex from your phone.
- Unfriend your ex on social media.
- Stop following your ex online.
- Avoid meetings with your ex.
ALSO READ: 26 Classic Causes of Common Relationship Problems
3. Stop waiting
The basis of false hope is that it is a form of waiting. You’re waiting for something to happen that may never happen. Why wouldn’t you stop waiting? Assume it will never happen. How will that change your relationship? If you approach the situation with this mindset, you are bringing a potential future disappointment into the present. Would you stay in the relationship if hope never turns into reality?
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4. Set a deadline
Do you want something to change in the relationship and keep hoping that it will happen? You can continue to wait for things to change on their own or you can take matters into your own hands. Take control of the situation and set a clear deadline. If the change is not clear at that time, then it is time to draw conclusions. By setting a deadline you prevent yourself from continuing to believe in something that will never happen.
5. Talk about it with others
Others can help you find reality. Talk to someone who knows the full story and understands the root of your problems. What do they think of the situation? Is the hope well-founded or is it false hope in their eyes? The perspective of the people around you can give you insight into the feasibility of your goals.
6. Realize that it will be difficult
Saying goodbye is difficult. If you want to let go of false hope, it is not easy. It takes time to say goodbye to something you believe in. You may start to have doubts and experience waves of confusing emotions. That’s almost inevitable if you want to move on with your life. You may initially feel worse. But in the end, not only does all good come to an end, but so does everything bad.
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