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Do you ever wonder if your love life will ever be smooth sailing now that the years are starting to add up? Don’t worry, we’re talking about dating here, and that always takes time. But if you’re wondering if you’ll ever find the perfect partner, consider something they call “downdating.”
Does that sound unfamiliar to you? You are not the first to not know the term. Most have no idea. However, it is a subtle phenomenon that has found its way into most Dutch relationships.
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What is downdating?
Downdating means that you go down a few rungs on the social ladder to find a partner. This could mean that you date someone who is perhaps not as good-looking as you, or who has a lower level of education, or a less glamorous career. Basically, you are lowering your expectations a bit.
For example, imagine a woman with a university degree dating someone with a vocational degree. By downdating, you are expanding your pool of potential partners. If you previously stuck to the requirement of a university degree , but now also give singles with a college and vocational degree a chance, you will find that you have a lot more choices. It is all about broadening your horizons and giving people from different backgrounds a chance.
If you think about it, you will come to the conclusion that downdating happens quite often. In many relationships, one person is just a little bit smarter, prettier or more interesting than the other. That is quite normal. Complete equality is almost never present. If you look back at your own past, you will probably see that this was also the case in your previous relationships.
Maybe your partner at the time was much more successful than you, or maybe you were just more attractive. There’s always something that throws the balance off in a relationship. So don’t worry if you think you’re downdating – it almost always happens to some extent.
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Why would you downdate?
Now you might be wondering, why on earth would you want to downdate? In the Netherlands, women are increasingly better educated, while the level of education of men is not increasing as quickly. For example, no less than 36 percent of women are highly educated, which means that they have now overtaken men . This means that there are simply fewer men available in the same age category with a comparable level of education. Especially in the larger cities of the Netherlands, the differences between the sexes are large.
The result? Some women have no choice but to downdate and date a man who has a lower education. But downdating isn’t just about education levels – it can also be about looks or financial status. Here are a few reasons why you might consider downdating.
1. Larger dating pool
You increase your chances of finding the perfect match by broadening your dating pool. Downdating opens the doors to people with different backgrounds and interests, giving you more options to choose from. If you normally only go for the most attractive options, you may be missing out on many opportunities for exceptional emotional connections.
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2. Stronger connections
Downdating can lead you to meet people with whom you can experience deeper emotional connections. How? Because you are more open to someone’s personality and values rather than superficial characteristics such as appearance, salary, and height.
3. More openness to different lifestyles
Downdating encourages you to be open to different lifestyles and experiences, which broadens your horizons and increases your understanding. If you keep moving in the same circles, you simply learn less about yourself. Who knows, you might discover that something completely different suits you. Research shows that people are often wrong about this. What you think you want is not what you really like.
4. Perception of power
In addition, downdating often gives you more control in the relationship. Let’s face it, the person who downdates usually has the most say in the relationship. Some people do it simply to come out as the ‘winner’ in their relationship. They tend to be more confident and assume that the other person should be happy with them, rather than the other way around. That feeling gives them a sense of power in a relationship.
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5. More room for personal growth
In a relationship with someone of a lower level, you often have more space to work on yourself and grow, because you are not constantly busy with rivalry or competition. Downdating encourages you to look beyond superficial characteristics and appreciate what really matters in a relationship.
6. Reduction of social pressure and expectations
Downdating can reduce the pressure that social expectations and norms put on you. You can free yourself from the expectations of others and just do what feels right for you. It’s like shedding a heavy coat and enjoying the freedom.
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