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Nowadays we all know the well-known saying ‘love is love’. This quote is often used to defend same-sex relationships, but also relationships between people of a different race or age. However, this statement gives the impression that there are no limits to love and that love justifies all problems, but is that true? What challenges do couples with a large age difference face, and is there such a thing as ‘too young’?
Challenges
Couples are almost never exactly the same age, and that is not a bad thing at all. A few years difference in age almost never causes major problems. However, if that age difference is somewhat larger – sometimes even decades – then couples can still face a number of challenges.
For example, consider the fact that you are in a different phase of life. One may want to start a family, while the other is still traveling and partying. One is still in school and the other has a full-time job, or one is still working and the other is already retired .
This reasoning also questions the duration of a serious relationship. You may find him or her very attractive now and the differences are not that big, but will you still think so in 20 years? And does it make a difference whether the man or the woman is older?
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Who is younger: the man or the woman?
Older men having a relationship with a younger woman is of course not a new phenomenon. For as long as stories could be written down, we have known this well-known combination. Both in the Netherlands, but also in other countries. Now and in the past.
The classic example from modern times is that a young lady enters into a relationship with a wealthy older man and can therefore enjoy his luxurious lifestyle. This type of woman has nicknames with somewhat negative connotations, such as gold digger or trophy wife , which gives the illusion that she is only with him for the money.
The reverse, where the woman is considerably older than the man, is much less common. It is a relatively new concept in popular culture, but there seems to be an increasing demand for it. Think for example of the 2017 film Home Again with Reese Witherspoon.
In this romantic comedy, 40-year-old Alice starts a fling with 27-year-old Harry. Why not? Besides, if you learn to look beyond your own age group, you also broaden your dating range. Because if you make the pond bigger, there are more fish to swim in.
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How old is too young?
The answer to this question is different for many people. There are a number of formulas to calculate how young your partner should be at most. Others adhere to the rule that the older of the two should not be older than the other’s parents. There are even people who go to a fortune teller or star reader to get a clear answer. However, it is often the case that it is very personal.
What is the attraction between the two potential partners and what do they have in common (think education level, interests, and dreams)? All of this definitely plays a role in determining how old your partner should be to make it socially acceptable. Ultimately, there is only one person who gets to decide if someone is too young for you: you.
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Formula for success
The most well-known formula to calculate what the minimum age of your date should be is as follows: divide your age by two, and add seven years. This is about what is socially acceptable, so indirectly it calculates the chance that your family and friends will react positively to the match.
½ x (YOUR AGE) + 7
It is important to note that this formula is not scientifically proven. It was only created based on personal experiences of people in an AGR (Age Gap Relationship) and the reactions of their loved ones. Another side note is that every country is different. Some cultures will accept an age gap more quickly than others due to their traditions or religion.
The formula is therefore intended as a broad indicator and not as a hard limit. Let’s look at an example. Suppose you are 30 years old and you come across a nice potential match on the Lexa app . Unfortunately, you immediately notice that he or she is only 23 years old. Your first reaction is that that is really young, you are probably in completely different phases of life. You decide to use the success formula:
½ x 30 + 7 = 22 years.
This means that your potential new partner falls within the boundaries of what is socially acceptable. See it as a guideline to avoid difficult questions from others. In this way you avoid the challenge of having to justify yourself to others every time.
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Where this formula comes from
Who exactly came up with the formula remains a mystery. However, it is often attributed to the French. It was first written down in the book Her Royal Highness Woman and Her Majesty Cupid by Max O’Rell from 1901. However, this calculation was not used to see how young your partner could be, but only for the man to calculate what the ideal age was for his future bride.
The formula is also mentioned by Malcolm X in his autobiography. Although these examples are considered old-fashioned today, it does indicate that this unofficial age rule is still used more by men than by women.
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5 Benefits of Dating Younger
AARP, a nonprofit organization for retirees in America, sent a survey to 3,500 single men and women between the ages of 40 and 69 in 2003. The survey found that 66% of men wanted to date a younger woman , and 34% of women wanted to date a younger man. That’s actually quite understandable, because there are of course many advantages to dating someone who is a lot younger than you. April Masini, relationship expert and columnist, lists five for you:
1. More possibilities, more opportunities
The chance that you will meet your one true love becomes much greater. The moment you open yourself up to younger or older potential partners, you make a whole group of people available that were not even considered before.
2. A fresh look
Younger people generally have more energy than older people , and that indirectly gives you more energy. A fresh perspective on the world, and an optimism that has not yet been crushed. In addition, young people often have less baggage and responsibility because they have experienced less. With a younger partner, you embark on a whole new adventure.
3. Younger is more alive
Mother Nature simply ensures that young people are more sexually active than older people. They have more stamina and are more open to experimenting in the bedroom . In addition, people generally find younger bodies more attractive than bodies that have been marked by time. If you try to ignore the social judgement here, having a younger partner is very positive.
4. Fertility
When it comes to children, younger partners also have their advantages. If you already have children, it has been shown that a young partner is more likely to help raise your children. This is because they often do not have children of their own and are therefore more likely to step in as a stepparent. If there are no children involved, it is advantageous for an older man to hook a younger woman because she is more fertile. The other way around, an older woman with a younger man is also advantageous , because research shows that a young man is more open to the idea of a surrogate mother.
5. A different power relationship
We should also not underestimate the importance of power relations in a relationship. Young people often seek security and safety, while older people like to have a partner they can influence. There is a kind of thrill in being the one who takes the lead. This may be a somewhat old-fashioned idea, but it is nevertheless a dynamic that is still popular.
What matters most
We’ve discussed at length in this article what is socially acceptable when it comes to a large age gap between two partners, but what it ultimately comes down to is this: how do you feel about it? If you’re happy together, don’t let society stop you from being together.
Open your eyes to a broader spectrum and who knows, you might just meet your match. Maybe that cliché quote is completely correct: love is love. Have we convinced you?
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