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You are overjoyed, because your new love from abroad – whom you met on the internet – wants to come to you. Finally, you will be able to look each other in the eye, after months of contact via e-mail, WhatsApp and Facebook Messenger. But then something terrible happens: due to extreme, unforeseen circumstances, your loved one is unable to catch the plane.
The plane ticket turns out to be lost, an arrest forms an obstacle or your loved one suddenly and urgently has to go to the hospital. The worst that could happen, happened. And after all, you are the only one who can offer help. How? Your internet love asks you to transfer money so that you can still meet each other. And of course you do that, because you would do anything to be able to hold your loved one in your arms. But what if your partner asks for even more money?
While you still haven’t seen the person in real life, a lot is asked of you. Your love plays on your feelings with pleas. What now? Are alarm bells ringing? Or are you so in love that you give away all your savings?
In the Netherlands, hundreds of people fall victim to dating fraud every year. It is a form of fraud that Dutch victims lose millions of euros to every year. What exactly is it, how can you recognize it and how can you prevent it? We will tell you all about it.
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What is dating fraud?
Dating fraud is a form of fraud via the internet, social media or a dating app. Victims of this scam are duped by having money taken from them by criminals who pretend to be someone else. By building a bond with you and gaining your trust, they try to convince you that you are in a real love relationship. To achieve this, they use language to manipulate and tactics to seduce you.
The criminals do everything they can to ensure that requests for money do not set off any alarm bells. They make up complete stories that are supported by ‘evidence’ that is fake. The requests for money or certain services can be very emotional, where they can claim that they need money for medical care or travel expenses.
Victims of dating fraud fall into the trap of romance. Because they are influenced by feelings of love, they do not realize that it is a scam. They transfer the money in complete confidence to their ‘loved one’ – in fact the criminal. The amounts that are paid are lost forever, whereby the total amount can increase considerably. The amounts of damage that are reported to the Fraud Help Desk often run into tens to hundreds of thousands of euros.
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How dating fraud works
Many men and women are scammed by their loved ones abroad – a romance that started online. In most cases, the first contact is made on a dating site, app or social media . What starts as an interesting conversation quickly grows into a blossoming crush. Your conversation partner compliments you constantly and you feel like you are in seventh heaven.
Your new lover is everything you ever dreamed of. He or she is good-looking, romantic, attentive and you have so much in common – it’s almost scary. You feel lucky that you have found such a fantastic partner at your age. It’s just a shame that your partner lives abroad and has to travel a lot for work. That’s why you haven’t been able to see each other yet. But you’ve been promised: it won’t be long now.
Eventually, after weeks or a few months, your foreign love will be ready to meet you. The ticket to the Netherlands has been booked and you are looking forward to being able to hold your loved one in your arms. But then something remarkable happens: an emergency. Your loved one ends up in the hospital. You are worried.
Unfortunately, your meeting has to be postponed. And not only that: the hospital bill also has to be paid. And then the question arises: can you transfer the money, so that the hospital bill can be paid. Of course, you will get all the money back. But if you do that, you will never see it again.
The criminal has run off with your money. And in most cases it doesn’t stop there: there will undoubtedly be a new request for money. And then another request: until you realize that it was all an illusion. But then it’s too late: the money is gone.
Victims of dating fraud are losing more and more money. In 2020, the average amount was 17,000 euros per person.
The consequences of dating fraud
Victims of dating fraud all essentially face the same consequences. Their bank accounts are empty, their hearts are broken and their self-confidence is at an all-time low. Some victims have even taken out loans for their foreign love and are deeply in debt. Often, contact with friends and family has been broken because they did not trust their new partner.
- Financial loss
- Identity fraud
- Emotional damage
At first, victims don’t realize they’re victims of dating fraud. It felt so real, it couldn’t be fake. And when it’s hard to believe that it’s a scam, the blow hits even harder. When they finally realize they’re a victim of fraud, they’re often devastated. It’s not nothing – being scammed by someone you trusted with your heart.
You feel sad, dejected and betrayed. On top of that, the victims feel ashamed. They think: “If only I had listened to others.” Because it was already clear to outsiders that you were being scammed. But despite knowing that these people had your best interests at heart, you ignored the warnings of family and friends. Love made you blind.
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How can you recognize dating fraud?
Victims of dating fraud only realize later that their friends and family were right about their ‘love partner’ abroad. For outsiders it is often obvious that it is a scam and not about love. But as a victim you are often the last to know – and then it is usually too late. But why do the alarm bells not ring? How is it possible that victims really give everything for a love abroad that they have never met? And how can you recognize dating fraud?
The rose-colored glasses
When you think you have found true love, you see everything through rose-colored glasses. You feel so great that you have finally found your soulmate that you can no longer think clearly. Your love partner gives you so much attention, you feel special and loved. And you also hear stories of people who have actually found true love abroad. So they are not all scammers, you think. The feeling that the scammer gives you makes you blind to the signals that say that something is not quite right.
The fraudsters often have the same characteristics. They use the same scam techniques to get as much money out of their victims as possible in the shortest possible time. Do you recognize several of the following characteristics in your love partner? Then you may be dealing with a dating scammer.
An online meeting
You met your love partner via an online platform. He or she comes from abroad. Often he comes from America or England, but his English is poor. Then a bell should actually ring…
Foreign work
For his work he or she has to be abroad a lot. His profession? Often it is a soldier or an entrepreneur. They often stay in countries such as Africa, the Middle East, Asia, Turkey, but another country is also possible of course.
Quickly switch to a chat app
You met via social media or a dating app. But he or she quickly suggested communicating via Skype or WhatsApp. The reason is that the scammer wants you off the dating app as soon as possible, because they check for fake profiles. Via WhatsApp or Skype it is safer for the scammer to communicate with you for a long time.
The partner seems perfect
You have good conversations via the app or via Skype and he or she is the prince or princess on the white horse that you have always dreamed of. Your new partner is almost too perfect.
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There is a problem
Your online love is dying to come to you. Despite your lover having a good job, circumstances prevent him or her from accessing the money. He or she asks you to transfer money so that a ticket can be purchased.
An emergency
Just before your new partner is supposed to come to you, something unexpected happens. He or she ends up in the hospital, or can’t get a visa, or his or her passport is not valid. The scammer will ask you for money again to solve this problem.
These are all examples of situations that you can encounter if you are scammed by a dating scammer. As soon as money is asked for, alarm bells should start ringing. Because then something is not right. Do you recognize this? Then put your feelings of being in love aside for a moment and investigate whether the person who is pretending to be your lover is really that person.
“Hi beautiful, how is your day?” – Alain
A real-life example of dating fraud
Anke is now 56 years old. She got divorced 16 years ago. When her children started living on their own four years ago, Anke felt lonely. She signed up on a dating site, because she wanted to meet a man with whom she could do fun things. She didn’t have high expectations of the dating app. Because who wants to meet a divorced woman of 52? But her doubts didn’t stop her: she created a profile on the dating app.
The first two months Anke hardly got any responses to her profile, until Alain sent her a message. “Hi beautiful, how is your day?” was all it took to get through to Anke’s heart: she fell in love instantly. Alain was a few years younger than Anke – he was good looking and he understood Anke completely.
Alain tells Anke that he is also divorced. He is from America and has to travel a lot for his work. As a result, he is often in the Middle East on business. They chat with each other for hours via WhatsApp and send daily messages. But because Alain is in a remote area, calling is always difficult – in the Middle East the internet connection is simply not as good as in the Netherlands. Although Alain was American, his English was quite poor.
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The near-encounter
After months of chatting, Alain decides to come to the Netherlands to meet Anke. Just before he gets on the plane, however, he is struck down by pneumonia. Alain ends up in the hospital. And in the Middle East, things are a bit different than in the Netherlands. He has to pay the bill for his medicines immediately.
Normally that wouldn’t be a problem, because Alain has a good job and sufficient financial resources, but it so happens that his debit card doesn’t work. He asks Anke if she can transfer money so that he can pay for the medicines he needs. Of course Anke wanted to do that for her future life partner.
It doesn’t stop with this one time. In three years, Anke transfers more than 30,000 euros to Alain. She gave all her savings to Alain, even though she had never met Alain in real life. They had arranged to meet several times, but something came up each time. And when Anke told Alain that she really couldn’t send him any more money now, because she had nothing left, Alain immediately broke off contact. His number was no longer reachable, the postal address no longer existed. Alain seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth.
Then Anke realized what had happened. Alain had cheated on her. Her children had warned her so much. But Anke was blinded by love. She is one of the many victims of dating fraud.
Can you prevent dating fraud?
The people who commit dating fraud are incredibly smart and know exactly how to conquer your heart. However, you can defend yourself against this. Because often, a few alarm bells will ring over time. Do not ignore these, but investigate whether your concerns are justified or not.
Actually, you don’t want to be suspicious – you just want to enjoy yourself and be happy. But if this dream partner lives abroad, suddenly needs money and asks you if you can help financially, then you have to be on your guard – no matter how nice and sweet this dream partner is.
Video calling
If you recognize the above examples, then you are probably dealing with dating fraud. To be sure, you can demand that you actually video call each other. Then you can see if the photo matches the profile photo. It is the only way to confirm that you are chatting with the person you see in the photos. And don’t be put off by excuses like ‘the internet connection is bad’, then your dream prince(ss) will just find a place with a good internet connection.
Check profile picture
You can also look up the profile picture he or she uses on the internet. Often these scammers use a photo they have taken from the internet. How do you do that? Go to images.google.com and drag the profile picture of your loved one into the search box. Then all internet locations where the photo was found will be shown. Check all entries to see if they match the information you have about your loved one.
Consultation with relatives
If you have any doubts about your loved one’s intentions, talk to a good friend. If they are suspicious too , don’t send money and cut off contact. Because you are probably dealing with a scammer.
Victim of dating fraud? What now?
Have you become a victim of dating fraud or do you think you are dealing with dating fraud? And are you wondering what to do now? The best thing to do is to break off contact with your scammer. Do not send any more money and block the phone number. Then he or she will not be able to persuade you to send more money. Contact the Fraud Help Desk if you are suspicious. They are specialized and can help you assess the situation.
Finally, seek help to process this. You are not alone. Every year, hundreds of people in the Netherlands are victims of dating fraud. And of course, you will be incredibly sad. You have lost your loved one. But don’t forget that this is not the person you thought it was. Everything that was said was a lie. Your entire relationship was based on lies. And that is not nothing.
Talking to others in the same situation helps to process this loss. Victim Support Netherlands recently launched an online community where victims of fraud can share their experiences with each other.
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