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When you are in the dating world, you will notice that you will come across single mothers. Especially when you reach a certain age, let’s say 30. A single woman, exactly your type, but with one or more children. And then you can start to wonder: how does it actually work, dating a single mother?
When you date a single mother, this has some advantages and disadvantages. You are not alone with her, because she still carries a great deal of responsibility. And because of that responsibility, she does not have much freedom. Or at least considerably less freedom than a single woman. At the same time, single mothers are often a lot more mature than single women of a similar age.
It has pros and cons
Before you start dating a single mother, it is useful to be aware of these pros and cons. If she eventually decides to let you meet her child(ren), you will also be taking on a form of responsibility. It is not good for children to just come into their lives and then suddenly disappear from their lives.
The stakes are higher. More lives than yours and hers are at stake. So it’s important to figure out if you’re 100% in, if it’s love or lust, and what you’re feeling. We’ll tell you more about dating a single mom.
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6 Benefits of Dating a Single Mom
Are you about to start dating a single mom? Are you wondering whether you should start looking for a single mom? Or have you been matched with a single mom and are wondering what the impact of parenthood is? Here are 6 benefits of dating a single mom.
1. They are caring
Many men are looking for caring women. They want to feel cared for by a motherly and feminine figure. Mothers are of course the most caring and nurturing group, so with a single mother you know for sure that you are in good hands. At least, that is the general image.
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2. A child can be a bonus
Some men are truly born to be fathers . So dating a woman who already has a child can be the icing on the cake for them. It may not be your own, but it is a child to take care of. And especially if the biological father is not a good father figure or role model, it is a plus for the child too.
3. They are adults
Most mature and responsible men love the idea of dating single mothers. This is because they feel that independent mothers are past the childish or wild phase in their lives. Having a child to take care of automatically makes them a lot more mature – more than their peers. They are responsible for another person, which requires a certain level of maturity.
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4. They are less materialistic
Single mothers are often more interested in the deeper and important things in life. They don’t care about expensive gifts , roses or chocolates. They care much more about how you treat them, how you treat their child and whether you are trustworthy, responsible and hardworking. Once people have children they often realize that there is more to life than having money and nice things.
5. They are reliable
When you’re a mom, everyone comes to you for extras like snacks, bandages, painkillers, or even advice. Most moms are always prepared for the unexpected. For some men, this is a big plus. It makes them see her as someone they can trust, someone who can offer support. Not only is she always well-equipped with useful supplies, but she’s also likely to be a great support, confidant, and advisor.
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6. They don’t play games
Most independent and single mothers do not have the time or energy to engage in games. They often do not want shallow, directionless relationships. As a result, these singles are often drama-free. They do not have time for games . For most mothers, no relationship is worth having if it does not lead somewhere.
4 Cons of Dating a Single Mom
When there are children in the picture, it can make dating a lot more complicated. Not everyone sees a child as a bonus, because it can also be seen as an inconvenience. After all, not everyone wants children. Here are 4 disadvantages of dating a single mother.
1. A child can be an inconvenience
You can be so enthusiastic and in love with your date. But if you are sure that you do not want children or do not want to consider them, it becomes quite complicated. The child will always be priority number one. Whether you want it or not: the child will always take precedence.
Is there no babysitter available? Then the date is off. The holiday has to be planned ‘differently’ so that there is enough to do for the child. You can’t go out together until late at night. Because then no one gets out in the morning. There are many things that are no longer possible or have to be done differently once you are responsible for a child.
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2. The ex is often still present
Not only can the child be an inconvenience, the ex can be an inconvenience too. Because in most cases the ex is still a factor that is present. The father of the child comes to pick him or her up. They go to a parents’ evening together and there is a certain arrangement. As a new friend you have to be able to deal with that. Because although most singles no longer have contact with their ex, single mothers often do.
3. She doesn’t have much time and freedom
As a mother or father, you don’t have much freedom. You can’t go out late every night, because you have a child to take care of. You can’t just go out or go on vacation spontaneously when you have young children. In addition, single mothers don’t have all the time, because a child needs a fixed routine.
At fixed times of the day, meals have to be eaten. The children have to be taken to school, sports or friends. A lot of time goes into caring for and raising children and you have to take that into account. A single mother always gives priority to her child and not to you. No matter how much she likes you.
4. She may already be ‘ready’
Just because a single mother has a child doesn’t necessarily mean she wants more. So while you ‘re dating with a desire to have children , the single mother might not want any more children at all. If you want to become a father yourself, that’s not a serious option.
5 Tips for Dating a Single Mom
Dating a single mother is different than a single without children. After all, there is much more to it when there are children involved. The single mother has a responsibility towards her child(ren), which immediately puts you in second place. Are you wondering how to deal with this? What to look out for?
1. Make your expectations known
Let them know what your expectations are as soon as possible. Discuss with the single mother how you see the relationship. This prevents problems later on. There are single mothers who are not looking for a relationship, but only do it for the sex and intimacy. And if that is the case, then it is good that you know that in advance.
It is also possible that the mother is looking for a boyfriend who will do fun things with her when she has free time. Given the time it takes to raise a child, she may only have a few hours a week for you. If this is not your goal and you want a relationship in which you are part of her daily life, this will definitely lead to discussions. Discuss the expectations of the relationship in advance so that you know where you stand.
2. Don’t expect her to have much time for you
This is pretty self-explanatory, but it is still important to mention. When there are children involved, you come second as a partner. Everyone understands this, but it is still sometimes difficult to accept. The single mother’s first task is to raise and care for the children. This often takes more time than you think. It is different to date as a parent .
Every time you want to meet up, a babysitter has to be arranged and so on. Don’t pressure her by constantly asking her for a date. The single mother doesn’t have as much free time as a single person without children. Keep that in mind.
3. Learn the obligations
A single mother has many more obligations than a single person without children. Parenthood comes with a certain amount of responsibility. For example, the children always want to spend time with the mother. Time that you cannot spend with the mother. This means that she has no time for you at these times. The mother simply has obligations towards her children. There is no other option than to accept it.
4. Don’t meet the children too soon
Don’t ask to meet the children too soon. Only do this if the single mother agrees. Don’t force it. If you are not sure what you want, it is wise not to meet the children yet. Not even if the mother wants it.
This prevents the children from becoming attached to you, while the relationship does not yet have a positive future. If you are certain about your feelings for the single mother and the mother indicates that you can meet the children, then it is a good time.
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