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You sit nervously at a table in the café, staring at your phone that should have rung five minutes ago. You were supposed to have a date tonight, and you had been looking forward to this moment for a long time. You had tried your best to look good and you really hoped that it would be a nice evening. But now, as the minutes tick by, you start to fear that your date won’t show up .
You check your phone for the umpteenth time. But no , not still no message. Did you say something wrong in your messages? Or maybe something happened? You try to stay positive and think to yourself that there must be a good reason for the delay. But secretly the feeling of disappointment grows. And with every second that passes you feel more uncomfortable. What do you do with a date that is late?
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Why being late is a problem
When you start dating someone, you want to be respected for your time and effort. You’ve put in the effort to prepare, to show up on time, and to present yourself at your best. When they show up late, especially without a good reason or without giving you any notice, it feels like a personal rejection . You think, Am I not important?
The problem with someone being late for a date is that the wait is very uncomfortable and nerve-wracking. You feel insecure. You start to worry about what could be going on and whether the date is still going to happen. And if the date does go ahead after that, it definitely affects the mood. It diminishes your enthusiasm for the evening, before the date has even really started.
Additionally, arriving late can disrupt the dynamic of the entire date. If you’re on a tight schedule , you may feel stressed out by the time pressure. For example, if you’re rushing to make a reservation, being late can cause unnecessary stress. All of this makes for an awkward start, which isn’t exactly an ideal start. Being late for a date can really dampen the excitement. In fact, it can even leave a negative impression.
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How do you deal with it?
Waiting for a date is never fun. It is a situation we would all rather avoid. But it can still happen that someone you have agreed to meet is not there at the agreed time. How do you deal with that? We will explain it using a number of steps.
1. Send a message that you are there
Once you arrive at your meeting location, send your date a text to let them know you’re there. This can help keep the lines of communication open, so your date knows you’re there. In response, your date can tell you when they’ll be arriving.
2. Stay calm and breathe deeply
If your date is running late, don’t panic. When it comes to people, one thing is for sure: some will be late. Take a deep breath and try to stay calm. It’s not the end of the world. There’s probably a valid reason for the delay. There’s no point in getting worked up before you know what’s going on.
Kim, 26
“I wait a maximum of 20 minutes. But only if he texts me that he will be a bit late. Otherwise I leave earlier.” – in our inbox.
3. Keep busy
Try to keep yourself busy to avoid being too focused on the late arrival. For example, order a drink, walk around the place where you have agreed to meet or look at the menu. This way you keep your mind busy and you feel less awkward while you wait.
4. Avoid negative thoughts
Is my date really not going to show up? Did my date see me and then back out? Is it me? These are examples of thoughts you can have. If you have these negative thoughts, don’t let them take over. Focus on the moment and stay positive.
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5. Don’t feel ashamed
It is not your responsibility that someone else is late, and it is not a reflection of your value as a person. Embarrassment can erode your self-confidence and negatively impact the rest of the date. Remind yourself that delays happen and that it is no reason to criticize yourself.
Lotte, 25
“I’m fine with waiting five or ten minutes, but anything more than that is way too far. If he was really interested in me, he would be on time.” – to our inbox.
6. Give the benefit of the doubt
Don’t be too quick to jump to conclusions. Give your date the benefit of the doubt. Something unexpected can always happen. A flat tire, a car that won’t start, or a missed bus. Or maybe there’s slow-moving traffic or public transportation is delayed.
7. Send a second message
If you’ve waited a while and haven’t heard back, send a message to check in. For example, follow up your first message with something like, “What time will you be there?” This asks the other person to respond and explain the situation.
8. Give yourself a time limit
If your date is significantly late, set a reasonable time limit for how long you want to wait. How long you wait is up to you. It could be 10 minutes, but at most it could be half an hour. If the other person doesn’t show up within that time and hasn’t sent a message, you can assume the date is off.
Noah, 23
“For a first date on a dating app, I would wait 15 minutes max. If it’s a first date with someone I’ve spoken to before, I would wait a bit longer.” – to our inbox.
9. Consider a phone call
If you haven’t heard anything after a while, you can also call. Sometimes a phone call is more personal than a text message, and it can clarify the situation. It could be that the other person forgot to send a text message back in all their haste and is now rushing to be there.
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10. Don’t leave right away
When your date finally arrives and apologizes, engage in conversation. Give them a chance to explain why they are late. This can tell you a lot about how you want to proceed.
11. Don’t make it bigger than it is
Try not to exaggerate the late arrival. While everyone understands that you feel a bit disappointed or frustrated, that is no reason to make it bigger than it is. Sometimes there can be unforeseen circumstances that cause someone to be late. It is not a big deal if this is the case. Don’t let it ruin the whole date or your mood .
Roger, 31
“I hate people who are late. For me, that’s a dealbreaker. I wait 15 minutes max.” – in our inbox.
12. Share your feelings
If you felt awkward about being late, you can say so. Especially if your date doesn’t give you a good reason. Waiting is never fun, but waiting for a date who is late? That’s even less fun – and you can say so.
13. Give a second chance
If the rest of the date goes well , don’t take it too seriously. Give a second chance if you’re comfortable with it. People make mistakes, and if being late is a one-time occurrence, it might be worth it to carry on as if nothing happened.
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14. Know that it says something about them, not you
Remember that your date being late says more about their behavior and planning than it does about you as a person. It doesn’t mean they don’t value or respect you. Maybe your date has trouble with time management or maybe your date just had a bad day.
Jan, 32
“It depends on where I’m waiting. If I can do something to entertain myself, I’m willing to wait a little longer.” – in our inbox.
15. Learn from it
No matter how the date went, try to learn something from it. Maybe you discovered how to handle unexpected situations, or maybe you realized that you value someone who values your time. Take that experience with you into your future dating adventures.
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