Share This Article
On-again, off-again relationships are fun to watch on TV, but not when you’re in them. The New York Post reports that these on-again, off-again relationships aren’t great for your mental health. People who are in on-again, off-again relationships—those who repeatedly break up and get back together with the same person—are at higher risk for depression and anxiety, according to new research published in the journal Family Relations 1 .
Scientists at the University of Missouri conducted a study of 545 people on the “psychological stress” that accompanies the ongoing process of breaking up and getting back together. Anyone who has been there can tell you about it, only now it has been confirmed by an independent study.
ALSO READ: One-Sided Relationship? 22 Signs It’s Coming from One Side
More anxiety and depression
Of the people studied, those in on-again, off-again relationships experienced increased symptoms of anxiety and depression. According to the scientists, this is a direct result of the on-again, off-again relationship. Anyone who hesitates to end the on-again, off-again relationship now has a valid reason to do so. An on-again, off-again relationship is bad for your mental health, according to the scientists.
Why people experience the increased symptoms is not stated in the study. As is known, most people have difficulty with change and uncertainty. An on-again, off-again relationship is just that: an on/off habit full of uncertainties and changes in the life of the person experiencing it.
“While a single breakup is unpleasant, the anxiety associated with it usually passes quickly,” said study co-author Kale Monk. “But multiply that by multiples, and the pattern begins to have more pervasive implications for your overall mental health.”
The highs and lows don’t seem worth it, the study says. The on-again, off-again relationship is linked to “poor relationship quality, including decreased satisfaction, commitment, and communication,” says Monk, an assistant professor at the University of Missouri.
The results of the study also show that an on-again, off-again relationship is more common in a relationship between two men , compared to female-female relationships and heterosexual relationships.
ALSO READ: 35 Playful Dates to Keep Your Relationship Alive
The exciting pattern
It seems obvious by now that an on-again, off-again relationship is not good for you, but why do people choose to stay in these types of relationships ? “Some people are drawn to the dramatic and passionate excitement of this pattern,” Monk explains. “But primarily, we see people return to relationships that have ended because they have lingering feelings for their former partners.”
The common problem with on-again, off-again relationships is that they don’t get better. The more the relationship goes on and off, the worse the quality of the relationship becomes. The English saying is “never let an old flame burn you twice” and there’s a reason for that.
If you have burned your hands on a hot baking dish, the chances are slim that you will pick up the baking dish with your bare hands the next time. In relationships, it does not work that way for many people, and they keep burning themselves on the same baking dish. Through a combination of feelings, emotions and perhaps even an addiction, they are drawn to something that continues to hurt them.
According to the assistant professor, people would do well to first address the issues that led to the breakup. The risk of taking an ex back without looking back at what happened could otherwise lead to repeating previously made mistakes. It is important to weigh up whether the reason you want your ex back is because you have positive feelings for the person or whether it feels more like an obligation or is it easier? According to Monk, the latter reasons are the beginning of a path of misery.
P.S. Are you already following Gistinger.com on Facebook , Instagram and Twitter?