Blind Spots in Relationships: 6 Ways to Recognize Them

The chemistry we feel in the beginning of a relationship is intoxicating. Thanks to a wonderful cocktail of hormones, you have the compulsive feeling of being close to someone. Everything feels new and exciting. You become energetic and euphoric, which can cause your appetite to decrease and you to be unable to sleep. And if you’ve just seen each other, you can’t wait to see the other person again – even if that person has just left.

Although everyone talks about these positive aspects of being in love , we all know that being in love has some disadvantages. Because when you are ‘under the influence’ you do not always make the best choice, mainly because your judgment is impaired. You ignore the red flags and you miss all the signs that your partner or relationship is not right for you because you are unable to recognize the blind spots.

For example, you always make time for the other person, while the other person does not do that for you – and you do not ‘see’ that, as long as you can see each other. Or you justify questionable behavior on the part of your new lover because you try to empathize and understand the other person. Or you make sacrifices that are unwise or irresponsible to an outsider. But you don’t see these blind spots yourself, even though it is clear to others.

Blind spots in relationships

If you were to look up the term ‘blind spot’ in the dictionary, you would end up with the theory about a piece of the retina of your eye. The blind spot is a part of the eye where you cannot see anything. But that’s not the blind spot that affects your relationships, even though it’s also an area where your vision is obscured.

In relationships, a blind spot is something you are not aware of. For example, part of your personality or that of someone else. Blind spots are the things you don’t want or can’t know. They are the signals you miss, the questions you don’t ask and the signs you don’t see. It can also be qualities that you overestimate or misinterpret what others say and do. If you cannot or do not want to see something, we call that a blind spot.

“You don’t know what you don’t know.”

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They can sabotage relationships

Do you often complain about exes who all exhibited the same, almost criminal behavior? Do you wonder why you always fall for the wrong type ? Or do the same negative patterns keep recurring in all your relationships? These can all be consequences of the blind spots. And the problem with blind spots is that they can sabotage relationships .

If you feel like you’re having the same type of relationship over and over again, but with different people, then you probably have some of these blind spots. But the problem is that we don’t know what these blind spots are – hence the appropriate name. These are three examples of blind spots.

1. You ignore your partner’s abnormal behavior because you assume it has to do with work stress. Meanwhile, your partner is having an affair .
2. You focus entirely on physical attraction during dating. You overlook clear and subtle signs that the other person is not right for you.
3. You don’t express your real opinion in a conversation with your partner because you want to keep the peace. Your partner thinks you have something to hide.

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6 ways to recognize blind spots

The blind spots are the situations where you think you know what is going on, when in reality you have no idea what is going on. Even if you mean well, others don’t know what’s going on in your head. They see it differently, because they can see what lies behind the blind spot. To recognize your blind spots in relationships, you can do the following.

1. Use feedback as a signal

Whenever you receive feedback from someone, whether in a relationship or in the workplace, ask yourself if it is a blind spot. What others see is not always what you see, so by using feedback from others you can recognize a blind spot of your own.

2. Look for patterns

Have you heard anything said about you before? And are several people telling you? Then you can assume that the pattern has to do with a blind spot. Patterns provide useful clues about blind spots.

“Do you know that you…”

3. Learn to listen attentively

There are always things you are blind to, while others are aware of them. But others won’t always tell you that. An open and non-defensive attitude helps you invite others to point out these blind spots. And that means you have to listen carefully when you communicate with others.

ALSO READ: 6 Signs of a Deteriorating Relationship, According to Research

4. Ask for a second opinion

Have you received feedback about yourself? Your first reaction may be that it’s not who you are, but you won’t really know for sure until you get someone else’s help. Whether that’s a friend or family member, they can hold a mirror up to you and possibly confirm a blind spot.

5. Engage in self-reflection

Have you had another relationship conflict about the same relationship problem again? Take a moment for yourself to reflect on what happened. Don’t judge, but think about what happened, what you said and what you felt. By engaging in self-reflection you can recognize blind spots within yourself.

6. Seek professional help

It is often difficult to recognize blind spots if you don’t know where to start. Professional help can help you. This way, relationship therapists and relationship coaches can guide you to find the blind spots. And with professional help, you can even convert your blind spots into new strengths that can be beneficial for your (future) relationships.

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