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Having a partner is a great feeling. You have a buddy with whom you can share everything and if you want you can spend all your time with that person. But that doesn’t mean you should. Because in any relationship it is vital that you maintain your independence.
Independence in a relationship provides a healthy foundation. A relationship is a commitment of two people and this does not mean that you should go through life together as one person. We will tell you more about how to remain independent in a relationship.
What does ‘being independent’ mean in a relationship?
Successful, healthy relationships allow both to be independent of each other, allowing them to not only grow together, but also grow independently as people. In an ideal situation you have your own sense of autonomy, while feeling like you can rely on each other.
Being independent in a relationship does not mean that you can dominate your partner in any way. That’s not what independence means. Being independent in a relationship means knowing how to be your own person in a relationship with someone else.
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12 ways to stay independent
Staying independent in a relationship can sometimes be more difficult than you think. When you live together, you can sometimes feel like you have to do everything together. In addition, you also really like each other and would like to spend time together. This can cause you to lose your independence at some point. These are ways to stay independent in your relationship.
1. Communicate with your partner
Independence shouldn’t lead to problems, but make sure you communicate clearly with each other. For example, if you don’t communicate well with your partner and fill your days with various hobbies, he or she may feel that you are deliberately excluding him or her – or that something has changed between the two of you. But if you simply communicate openly with each other and tell your partner why you have chosen this change, conflict will not easily arise.
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2. Set boundaries
Communication is important to tell your partner what things you like to do independently in the relationship. But it is also important to set boundaries as a couple. It’s wise to have this conversation early in the relationship so you can set clear boundaries moving forward. You can certainly still have this conversation if you have been together for years.
Set boundaries when it comes to how much time you spend together and how much time you want to spend apart. No matter how much you like the relationship, you don’t have to share everything. Indicate clearly to your partner when you want to be alone and how you indicate that you need a moment for yourself.
3. Continue to pursue your hobbies
One of the best ways to ensure that you maintain your independence in the relationship is to do things that make you happy: your hobbies. This forces you to leave the house regularly and spend time apart. Continue doing the hobbies you had when you were single or look for new ones.
4. Don’t see each other during the workday
Most couples don’t see each other during the workday. No matter how much you miss each other during these working hours, it is healthy to keep work and private life separate. If your partner comes to your office every day or you have lunch together every day, it might be a good idea to put an end to that or at least cut back on it a bit.
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5. Make enough time for your friends and family
One of the annoying things people do when they get into a relationship is spend less time with their friends and family. At the beginning of a relationship you are often on a pink cloud and you only want to spend time with your loved one. At that moment you see your partner as your best friend and you feel like you don’t need anyone else to make you happy. But this won’t last forever.
Your friends and family will always be there for you and you need each other. Not only your partner will make you happy in life, but also your family and friends. Therefore, don’t forget to make enough time to spend with them.
6. Go on a date with yourself
A great way to boost your self-esteem and independence is to take yourself out on a date. Go shopping alone, have a coffee somewhere or go to the museum. Spend some time with yourself in a public environment doing something fun. These are often the things you do with your partner, but it is healthy to also rely on your own company. This will help you remember that you don’t need anyone else to have a good time.
7. Encourage your partner to spend more time alone
It is not only important that you spend enough time alone, it is also important that your partner does this. By encouraging him or her you help your partner. He or she can spend an evening with friends, go shopping alone or have lunch in a restaurant. The two of you will likely find that the life you share together becomes better if you continue to enjoy life as individuals.
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8. Try to call and text less often
If you’re constantly calling and texting your partner, you never really spend time alone. If you talk on the phone all the time, you won’t have anything to talk about when you actually spend time together. It is essential to set boundaries when it comes to communicating over the phone. You don’t have to discuss everything all day long. This means you still have something to tell each other at the end of the day.
9. Make a space in your home just for you
If you live with your partner, it’s a good idea to create some independence at home. A simple way you can do this is to create a space just for you. This could be a separate room, such as an office space, but it could also be a specific comfortable chair.
Suppose you need some me-time, then you can retreat to this place for a while. Your partner knows that you do not want to be disturbed for a while. Also encourage your partner to create his or her own personal space.
10. Provide enough self-care
Self-care should never stop. Not only is it essential for your well-being, but it also boosts your self-esteem. Take some time for self-care every week or every day. Whether you book a massage or take a nice bath, you need time in every relationship to show yourself some love.
11. Keep your finances (partly) separate
While some couples lump all their income together, there are other couples who keep their finances completely separate. What’s best for your independence? This is a division of finances in which you and your partner retain money for yourselves. When you are in control of your own money, you can make your own choices about what you spend, save and invest. Financial independence is an important part of your overall dependency in a relationship.
12. Realize that you don’t always have to agree with your partner
Being independent doesn’t just mean spending time alone. Independence also means standing up for yourself, having your own opinion and living the life you want. It’s your partner, not your owner. Recognize that it’s okay to not always agree with your partner on everything. You may be a couple, but you are also two separate individuals.
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