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Maybe you’ve played the game before: that of attraction and repulsion. We often do it when flirting , because just think about it: you look at someone, you look away again, you look again right after that, and finally you look away again. In some cases it stays that way, but regularly someone takes the initiative. And that attraction and repulsion has had the desired effect.
Attraction and repulsion also take place a lot in the game of love and we can only say that it can be quite entertaining and sometimes even exciting. However, it can also cause a lot of frustration. For example, you long for someone only to be rejected again. It is fun, as long as it does not continue forever. Because then something could suddenly be wrong. Reason to go through the different scenarios with you.
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What does ‘attract and repel’ mean?
When you first get to know someone, there is often a push and pull, one moment you are very intimate and emotional and then you are distant again. That is not so strange, because you do not know someone that well and that means that you sometimes realize that you should not expose yourself too much. The result is that you have mixed feelings.
In a new relationship, we are also talking about a lot of uncertainty and in itself that is not even so negative: the unknown is adventurous and creates a lot of curiosity in both people. The attraction and repulsion means nothing more than that you sometimes push someone away (temporarily) and the motives for this are threefold:
- Or you’ve known each other for such a short time that it’s still part of the game.
- Or you are not yet sure whether you want to continue with someone.
- Or you already are and therefore you simply don’t want the other person to get too close.
Attraction and repulsion can therefore be very innocent, but many men also have a knack for playing with women’s feelings , simply because they are much less serious in nature. That may seem a bit negative, but let’s not forget that women know what they want much faster, while men don’t worry about it yet and let everything come to them.
Perhaps a man ultimately wants a relationship, but it should come about in a natural and, above all, calm manner.
Unreachable man
The problem is that the unattainable men do not just expose their feelings. Women indicate what they want and expect, men have more difficulty thinking about it, let alone communicating it to a woman. A man does not quickly start a conversation with you to tell you why he is distancing himself from you: he just does it.
Many men would never say that they haven’t decided what their future plans are with you, they push you away and don’t give any further explanation. And when you ask for an explanation, he comes up with some vague story.
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Mixed signals
The mixed signals and differences between men’s and women’s views have everything to do with a different need for emotional intimacy. Women need more intimacy on an emotional level, while men need much less.
1. Doubts
Just think of a woman who just met a nice guy; let’s call them Sofie and Ben for convenience. Sophie immediately wants a lot of contact with Ben and thinks about him all the time, while Ben is mainly busy with work and responds to Sophie’s apps and calls in between. Only when he is done with work does he think about Sophie again and when they see each other, it is also just very friendly and nice. Yet Ben does not give Sophie the same attention as the other way around.
Sophie would love to merge completely with Ben, but with him those feelings are much less intense. When Sophie says goodbye to Ben, she immediately talks about the next time they see each other. Ben hasn’t even thought about that yet. And that makes Sophie doubt.

2. Time and space needed
Bennie, the pet name she has already given him, needs space and time for himself. At the moments that he does not see Sophie, he does not really feel the need to maintain contact with her. That does not mean that he does not care about her and likes her, but he is just very busy with other things. And because of that it can suddenly feel as if he is rejecting Sophie.
Of course he would never do that if he was really sure that he wanted to start a future with Sophie, but his thoughts are not that far yet. Sophie could possibly distance herself in turn so that she can find out if Ben suddenly feels a loss. The coming period will show whether Ben and Sophie will get closer or not.
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Why do men do this?
Now that doesn’t mean that all men don’t know where they stand or that all men are lax and nonchalant. Sometimes there is a very conscious rejection and the reasons for this can be varied. In the above scenario there is a lack of awareness about rejection and attraction, but sometimes there are also very clear reasons to consciously reject someone and then attract them again.
1. Dating as entertainment
The lack of awareness also has everything to do with the fact that we date for other reasons. In the past, we did it because we wanted to marry someone, people were looking for a life partner. Nowadays, we marry later and later, if we marry at all. Dating is much more casual than it used to be and comes without clear goals. Now it may be that a woman is looking for a nice partner, while he is only looking for entertainment.
There are also a lot of men who deliberately do not make the intentions of the dates clear, because they simply want to get a woman into bed. That is often also the reason why a man can give everything in the beginning to conquer a woman and then disappear completely from the picture.
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2. It’s his way of flirting
The push and pull could also just be his way of flirting . He wants you to desire him and the push and pull has been used for centuries and is nothing new. If you make someone uncertain about your intentions, it could be that the desire for you becomes much more intense. We also call this push and pull .
The important thing about this push and pull technique is that it doesn’t go on too long. Playing a game is fun, as long as there is clarity at some point.
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3. Something is really wrong
If it increasingly tends to push away rather than attract, then it could be really wrong with regard to his feelings. If you notice that he keeps attracting you in an annoying way and then pushing you away again, then it could be that he is still getting tired of you, but that on the other hand he does feel something for you. Or he notices that his feelings are diminishing , while he still wants to give it a chance.
Reasons for this could be that he still thinks that you do not give him enough space or that he has feelings for someone else . He can also end up in this phase when the game has already been played on his side and you are no longer a challenge for him. Whatever the reason, it is in any case time that you also start playing the game. Now is the time to push him away.
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